According to decidedly non-sex-blogger Kos of DailyKos...

20 million single women did not vote in 2004, a demographic that is amongst the most solidly Democratic in the nation. If NARAL, Planned Parenthood, NOW, and others want to protect the important rights they’re trying to safeguard, they need to start finding ways to reach these women and other friendly voters. Marches ain’t the way to do it.

Read the whole article here.

Now, a couple of critical points here. Kos is a political partisan and, in terms of this blog anyway I’m not partisan. So while Kos would like to see those 20 million single women getting more involved because they’re more likely going to vote for Democrats, I think it’s important that they get involved because it’s their country too, their states, their cities, their families, their partners, and their bodies on the line on issue after issue. It’s not as important to me whether they vote for Democrats, or Libertarians, or Socialist White People’s Party, or Republicans, or Greens. It matters that they matter to their representatives. People who don’t vote typically don’t get represented. Those 20 million women equal approximately 40 House of Representatives seats worth of votes. Depending on which states they lived in they represent as many as 34 Senators! (The seventeen least-populated states, Utah, Nevada New Mexico, West Virginia, Nebraska, Idaho, Maine, New Hampshire, Hawaii, Rhode Island, Montana, Delaware, SouthDakota, North Dakota, Alaska, Vermont, and Wyoming have just under 20.5 million put together.) Oh yeah, and according to this article from 2004 Kos’s 20 million estimate counts only single women who are registered to vote but didn’t do so. There were another 16 million who weren’t even registered! (Hmm… let’s see 86 million single adults in America, estimate half are women so 43 million, of whom somewhere between 20 million and 36 million didn’t vote… Well, if those numbers are right then… yikes!)

Anyway, the point isn’t that these women vote one way or another. It’s the 21st Century in what has been one of the most free and democratic countries in the world for more than 200 years. Single women are playing an increasingly important role in this century, in this country, and yet no women, let alone any single women, were present when, say, President Bush signed a bill outlawing certain types of abortion.

Again, I’m not saying that if more single women got out and voted that the bill in question would have been defeated rather than signed into law. Instead I’m saying that it’s just whacky that the only witnesses present were smiling, happy, largely elderly men!

My partner was a single woman until some time after I met her. Whether she decides to marry or not, my daughter will spend some part of her adult life as a single woman. It’s important to me that when the time comes for her to take up the reins of the world (as I think Hannah Arendt once called it) that there be a place for her to do so. Anyway, the point is that it doesn’t matter to me so much how people vote, how single women vote, how my daughter some day votes, as it matters that we, and they, and someday she is able to enjoy both the privileges and responsibilities that come with being a free, autonomous, self-determined citizen of this most promise-filled and possibility-rich nation.

You got any single women friends? Ask ‘em to come on down. Their world is waiting for them. If they don’t the remind them someone else will be more than willing to do it for — and to — them!

Definition: a feminist weblog

First of all, it doesn’t all revolve around you. If I am discussing sexism or the unique difficulties women face, I can understand and appreciate the frustrations that men also grapple with in our society. Really, the problem isn’t so much men and women as the fact that all powerful institutions want to make everyone feel worthless, so that we will do whatever they tell us to. But, for now, I am talking about women and women’s unique position in the world, and it is not about the big picture. It is about us. About me. Your tangents derail the conversation and shift the focus so that the issues I want to raise are ignored.

Read the whole thing here.

It’s a good point but there’s another point: there’s too many gender stereotypes and too much gender discrimination all around so there’s no good reason to dismiss any legitimate complaint.

In Blessings of a Skinned Knee, a genuinely interesting book about raising children, Wendy Mogel says it’s important to remember that “Everybody is unique, nobody is special.”

Men get discriminated against? You bet. Women get discriminated against? Oh yeah! Each gender faces unique discrimination. At the risk of sounding woo-woo, dismissing either side with a “yeah, but…” isn’t the best way to communicate.

It’s both true and appropriate that men are learning to recognize that they haven’t exactly been handed the world on a platter either. Fine. Great, even!

If they’re going to jump into every women’s lament with “yeah, but…” well, they’re not going to make much progress.Same with women who jump on men with “yeah, but…”

I think the best answer is to say “You’re right, but I brought up this particular issue because it’s affecting me right now. I want to resolve that before we address your issue.”

The point being that there are plenty of gender issues. More than enough! Asking to stick to the issue already under discussion isn’t the same as dismissing the other person’s issue as irrelevant. Asking to stick to the issue invites the interloper to participate rather than block discussion. And assuming you’re legitimately interested in confronting discrimination period, instead of discrimination only against you, asking to stick to the issue for the moment implies willingness to listen to the other person at an appropriate time and that’s a good thing. If we’re willing to listen then it’s not a zero sum game.

Via Amber and Feministing

Funny post from Jane of Unauthorized bootlog about the similarities between penises and clitorises and men’s reaction to the news.

Recently of an evening when [Jane’s partner] and I were talking, we somehow got on the topic of clits versus penises. I ventured the opinion that they were fundamentally the same thing – that is, they started out the same in the fetus and then developed differently depending on the gender of the baby. He wasn’t too sure he liked this idea. Seems logical to me though! Certainly they share some similarities, like:
getting bigger when aroused
placement on the body
general shape
extremely sensitive tip

...

It may have happened that some point later while playing, I might have referenced “my little penis”. This thought could have possibly caused [him] to immediately stop what he was doing and say “That’s so not sexy!” at which point we perhaps both dissolved into giggles. And I might have been sternly admonished that mine, it’s a clit.

Read her whole post here.

I’m not sure I follow the “little penis” reservation some guys have. I mean, men and women have nearly the same butts, nearly the same lips, nearly the same hands, nearly the same breasts and nipples, nearly the same… all kinds of things.

Clue that you’re straight #17: If you’re always worrying that this act or that interest or contact with some other body part might somehow make you “gay” get over it. You’re straight. A little obsessive, yeah. Boring? Sure. But straight.

“Nearly” is clearly not the same as “exactly.” And oh what lovely differences those nearly’s make! Somehow I’ll manage. :-)

It’s too late and I’ve had a busy day but I just wanted to point out that Miss Syl is hosting a very interesting discussion on monogamy over at Sexeteria.

More than a couple of interesting points that have been raised, including

• The dishonesty of infidelity is more painful than non-monogamy
  People who don’t agree on anything else about monogamy agreed on the point that violations of trust are especially painful.
• Stereotypes about men and women aren’t helping the situation

Also here’s a lovely quote that I commented on extensively earlier today

But history is filled with examples of terrible, false stereotypes that have hijacked the human imagination and held it for ransom for years before the truth can be rescued. Just because people believe it doesn’t make it true.

Read her post and other people’s comments here.

I may have more to say in the morning. I mean, I certainly have more to say and, time permitting, I’ll probably say it. If you blog about relationships, sex, porn, stereotypes, or even sociobiology you’ll find fodder for at least one post of your own. And whether you blog or not you’ll find interesting things to comment on.

I enjoyed my time away. It was fun to come back to a set of great comments, some nice emails, and a fun list of Sugasm links to check out. It was also fun to add a new photo from my extended shower sequence at the bottom of this post.

Sugasm #23

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them, this week starting with the letter S.

• Secret Audio Reads: Right Now (secretbrain.blogspot.com…)
• Sex in the News – Lit for the Clit (seskuality.com…)
• So, You Want to Touch My Pussy? (suburbansexpot.blogs.com…)
• Spanking Producers of Very Little Brain (adelehaze.com…)
• Sunday Afternoon – Part One (masterenigma.blogspot.com…)
• Supernova (barelace.blogspot.com…)
• Under the Table… (sexblogthis.blogspot.com…)
• Virtual Hotwife (theholidaylife.blogspot.com…)
• What’s wrong with this picture video? (realadultsex.com…)
• Why Are Lesbians So Sexy? (hotcouple.co.uk)
• The worst dating advice imaginable (hackingthebrain.com…)
• wow…Bear with me: all that loveliness made me all sentimental n stuff (vagueboy.com…)
• Ad Libitum (ambientstorm.blogspot.com…)
• After, it is silent… (damnjezebel.com…)
• After it Tickles (v-boat.blogspot.com…)
• Alone at My Parents’ House (secretsofadirtygirl.blogspot.com…)
• Artificial Pee (radicalvixen.com…)
• Belle Started Kissing Me (anawtymouz.blogspot.com…)
• Bound (gentlygently.blogspot.com…)
• A Pornographers Guide to Protecting Kids from Porn Online (sugarbank.com…)
• Boy Pleasures Girl (seska4lovers.com…)
• Busty Cafe Review (internetisforporn.com…)
• A Casual Encounter–Seriously! Part II (damneddante.blogspot.com…)
• The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco, Melanie (inbedded.blogspot.com…)
• Every Day Orgasm (assistantmistress.blogspot.com…)
• Fantasy 1 (Part II) (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com…)
• ‘Flexiberry’ by Strawberry for IShotMyself.com… / Project ISM (sensualarousalblog.com…)
• For Mark Martin or for Us? (bikersballsandteacherstits.blogspot.com…)
• Hard Fuck (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com…)
• Hotel Sex (sabrinainstockings.com…)
• How to Get Fucked by Gay Porn (sugarpit.com…)
• The Importance of Teamwork (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com…)
• Jane was asked what her greatest love was. (janeluvsdick.com…)
• KITKAST #1.17 – Attitudes, The Yum Yum Girlie Show and Condom Explosives (kitkast.com…)
• Lesbian Seduction on Sapphic Erotica (simply-sapphicerotica.com…)
• Lesson Learned (aliferestarted.blogspot.com…)
• Let Me Feel You Cum… (wetalksexblog.com…)
• Lust in Stereo (sexeteria.blogspot.com…)
• Lust on the Rocks with No Ice (everythingoze.blogspot.com…)
• Masturbate-A-Thon 2006 (spiritsex.blogspot.com…)
• Me and My Magic Wand (sin.typepad.com…)
• Model Alex (eroticandy.blogspot.com…)
• Moving Closer to Truth (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com…)
• New Contest: Win a 17 Inch Master Mechanic or Original BadAss (tirepaddle.com…)
• Not Very Many First Left… (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com…)
• Odds & Ends: The Orgasmic Code (chaosnoir.blogspot.com…)
• Odd Sexual Experience (barbiebaby09.livejournal.com…)
• Oral Sex and Madame X (nakedloftparty.com…)
• Play with Orgasm Girl (sugarjoy.com…)
• Pool Party at Abby Winters (iloveabbywinters.com…)
• “Pornographers Are On Your Side” (fullfrontalpolitics.com…)
• Razor’s Edge (curvaceousdee.blogspot.com…)
• Tangled (tangysweet.blogspot.com…)

If you haven’t checked out the new FAQ, give it a look – it takes effect next week.

Back sometime Sunday night or Monday morning. Sometimes you just gotta get away from all the wires and rely on woodstoves, kid’s sleds and hot cocoa.

Meanwhile I’ll be reading a lovely book by Betsy Learner called The Forest for the Trees — An Editor’s Advice to Writers and recharging my batteries.

AlwaysArousedGirl has a wistfully lovely post about pounding sex you ought to take a look at.

You know what I mean, don’t you? The kind where bodies are slammed together, balls knock against the clit, the bed scoots across the floor and everyone wakes up sore the next day.

Of course that’s not the only great way to be together, but it ranks right up there for me.

...

Do you like The Hard Fuck? Men, how hard do you go? Women, how hard to you like your partner to go?

It’s a short, sweet post. Read the whole thing here.

I’ve always been much more of a grinder than a pounder. I learned about grinding from, I dunno, Masters & Johnson or Alex Comfort or someone else in the pre-G-spot days who said it was a good way to make solid contact with her clitoris. And it is! Plus it’s wonderful for face-to-face positions.

I also had an issue with pounding from rear-entry positions because those little corrugations right over your g-spot rub right over my cock’s hot spot and it used to get me off in seconds if I didn’t stop over and over.

Since then I’ve learned a couple of important things that make pounding a whole lot more fun and a lot more interesting: – It’s ok to stop or hold still while I recover I’m about to come, especially if I tell her why. Ten seconds isn’t that long a pause and once I get over that initial buzz I can bump drums like the Eveready bunny. – It’s important to have, or use, enough lubrication. Pounding sex is about a whole-body experience than straight clitoral or penile contact, and with enough lube it’s easier to focus on motion than friction (and sometimes abrasion — yikes! — when your partner’s ready but not lubricating a lot yet.) – You have to talk about back problems. There are good positions for almost any back problem but you gotta talk about them before anybody starts pounding anywhere.

Incidentally back in the day I also used to get self-conscious about my (back then) very flat, muscular abdomen slapping hard against a partner’s ass. I’d worry it felt like spanking. Doh! Not that anyone but old-style BDSM subs acknowledged enjoying spanking back then. These days it’s not just subs who enjoy spanking.

So here’s a question of my own since I’m a relative newbie when it comes to hard-contact sex: Do you think there’s a sensory connection between enjoying your partner pounding against you and enjoying spanking?

Y’know those meme things that go around saying list four of these or four of those things about you? I have a list I’d like to present as a non-meme, a list of ten things someone else has written I think would be good for people to think about. It’s written in two-partner relationship terms but almost everything would apply to lasting relationships of almost any dimension. It’s from April of Where the hell am I?

For me…I need these things.
1. No matter how much I love you, adore you and want to be with you…I have to have alone time. Don’t smother me.

2. Be my friend. My mom used to tell me that I should find the person that I want to hang out with in the nursing home with. If we can’t talk, if we can’t be friends…what will be left when that first hot passion burns to a glow?

3. Gaze into my eyes…makes me melt every time.

4. Touch me…and not just when you want to have sex. Rub my shoulders, run your fingers up and down my back, hug me when you come in from work…

5. Share your fantasies. Nothing says bonding experience quite like revealing thoughts and feelings you wouldn’t dare tell another soul. Divulging your lustful longings always has a bonus…who wouldn’t be ready to rip one another’s clothes off after talking about those fantasies? It matters not whether you think I may or may not do it…talking about it is key. AND...you never will find out if it could happen if you don’t bring it up.

6. Make love to me, have sex with me, fuck me…at every opportunity. Neither of us should always have to be the one to ask for it…each of us should instigate at one time or another. Don’t hesitate to do it, I certainly won’t.

7. Be open and honest about your feelings. Don’t try and hide when you’re hurting, don’t try to be macho and not admit it. I have strong shoulders, a kind heart and a listening ear. Use them.

8. Be open to trying new things…new experiences. Be willing to learn new things.

9. Don’t try & change me. If you’re not happy with me the way I am, then don’t become involved with me. Trying to change anyone else only leads to heartache.

10. Love me…and show it well & often. Open your heart, share it with me. In all things.

There’s more than a list in her post, which you can read here.

It’s the sort of thing you can read to each other out loud and talk about, or read out loud to yourself and think about.

Is there really a graceful way to remove socks?

Happy HNT (or Half-nekkid Thursday!)

From my extended “Shower” photoset on Flickr.

Via Jessica at Feministing comes a hint of a little softening on the abstinence-only education front. The post is short and Jessica’s commentary is to the point so I’m quoting the whole thing here.

This is surprisingly good news from a state that has been so insane lately.

A South Dakota Senate committee rejected a measure that would have required schools push abstinence in sex education.

HB1217 had passed the House by a wide margin, but the Senate Education Committee voted 6-1 to kill the bill after some senators said it would take away some control by local school districts.

Other opponents also said they believe the bill is flawed because it would prevent schools from including education on contraceptives, information they said some students need to protect themselves against pregnancy and diseases.

This is especially important considering that any day now women won’t be able to obtain an abortion in South Dakota.

While I’ve nicked the entire post you can read it again here.

I may have mentioned once or twice that abstinence-only education isn’t very effective. And if I did I still wasn’t the first person to point out that it doesn’t work because a) people still wind up having sex and b) when (usually not if) they do they’re clueless about avoiding an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy because they’ve never learned how!

With the Supreme Court able, and, ready and almost certainly willing to strip women of their right to reproductive self-determination the stakes are about to be raised, dramatically, sex education curriculum selection. As long as Red-state voters knew they had a “well, we’re different so just this once” out they could afford to pretend that only inner-city people, or east/west-coast liberals have abortions. If they finally get what they’ve been clamoring for the last 30 years, it’s not just going to be people they don’t know coming home pregnant with no recourse, it’s going to be their own football stars and cheerleaders, their own children who are going to become premature fathers and mothers. (If they don’t know they’re going to start finding out maybe roughly three to five months after the inevitable decision is handed down, and certainly after the next graduation dance, which ever comes first.)

Under those circumstances we can expect people to start taking a harder look at the effectiveness of their education decisions. I’m not sure what motivated the South Dakota legislature to balk at imposing abstinence-only education on their children, but I don’t think they’ll be the last to do so.

As my blog title suggests, I’m not terribly enthusiastic about underage sex, and I applaud efforts to encourage young people to wait as long as they can to start. But since I’m also realistic about the foolish chances even well-meaning young people take I think it’s a pretty good idea to give them the education, and the materials, to avoid compounding their mistakes. It’s encouraging that, at the very least, South Dakota isn’t actively moving in away from that.

One more thing, something I’m going to be saying more and more over time: Nobody in the debates over sex education, birth control availability, or abortion wants more unwanted, unplanned pregnancies. If you stand and look from far enough back it’s clear we’re all just haggling over the best way to get there. With the stakes about to get much higher we might start seeing a little less posturing and a little more honest strategizing from both directions.