Fellatio for a slow learner

I was 35 before my first blowjob to ejaculation. There were a couple of memorable moments like the first time my first partner tried it, I think, out of curiosity. And the time a dear partner squatted, knees wide apart, in a dark brown leotard pulled off her shoulders and down to her waist and saying "I just love doing this" with this big enthusiastic grin. The sensation wasn't that great, and I soon had her out of the leotard and on to the main event. But the visual impact remains vivid.

I think I was always too uptight to let go, too panicked about appearing selfish, or to self-righteous about making sure the woman got off (double reverse hold-the-door-mam chauvinism?), or too arrogantly or mechanically operational about finding the right buttons to make her lose control. Or something. Anyway, any time anyone tried just to turn me on I'd try and get a tongue, finger, elbow, or toe in there in return. It distracted them, it distracted me, and for most people if someone's working overtime to get you over the top you're eventually going to give in and let them.

Anyway I met this woman who just wouldn't let me pull that. When she'd massage my shoulders I'd reach up and try and massage hers too. When she tried to kiss me somewhere I'd try and find something of hers to kiss too.

She finally basically cornered me, called me on it, and told me she wanted her turn with me sometimes too. Even after that it took about a month to figure it out and let go. And of course then I learned about a whole other level of fun.

Slow learner. She never liked to swallow, and we didn't do it that often. But I learned to lie back and enjoy it when it was her turn. (This has to sound stupid but sometimes I wish I could go back to all my old girlfriends, apologize, and -- a different sort of selfish now -- ask if they'd like to try fellatio without the interruptions. :-)

I read a while ago that if you don't like to swallow you can just hold it in your mouth for a second and then drip it back over his penis and your fingers as he's winding down. I wish I'd known about that -- I was still too new to it but I would have been perfectly happy if she'd done that.

One night was transcendental. She had a job out of town for the summer. I went to visit her. She was staying in what amounted to an attic loft with room just for mattresses but no bed frames. There was just this skylight and it was too dark to see anything. After some wonderful but conventional slurping and bobbing she lured me to a point where, I think, she'd just slide her thumb, or maybe it was her tongue, over my cockhead and it was like just a string to my brain or something -- and she kept me balanced there with the lightest of touches for what seemed like forever. I don't remember if she finished me with her mouth or what, but neither she nor anyone else has been able to float me down that particular stream since.

For once I just let it go after that without trying to immediately return the favor. (What kind of neurotic friend tries to immediately repay every favor anyway?) But it gave me an idea and I think the next time we were feeling oral I got her to the same sort of place where she'd just make these quivery "ahhhs" at the lightest touch of my tongue above her hood. I never figured how to do that every time either but it's more fun when it's not a race anyway.