Sex as athletics

I've been going through the archives on Dacia's newly migrated and renovated Waking Vixen. Back in August, 2004, she spent a day on a porn movie set minding the lubes and condoms and, particularly, "towels (for wiping off the gleaming sex sweat)."

So I was stretching out this afternoon, and for some reason thought about the old Gary Larson Far Side cartoon with the caption that goes, roughly, "The vikings understood the importance of stretching out before sacking a village." That made me think of Bob and Jean Anderson's now-classic book Stretching, which has page after page of stretching routines for various sports and activities.

No, the book doesn't have a specific stretching routine for sacking villages, but neither does it have pre-sex stretches either. I'm perhaps sorry to say I haven't seen a porn movie for years because whatever the premise and whatever the preliminaries, the sex scenes quickly devolved into what looked less like fun and a lot like aerobics and even more like work.

Pumpety-pumpety-pumpety-pump for two minutes. Turn. Pumpety-pumpety-pumpety-pump for two more minutes. Switch. Pumpety-pumpety-pumpety-pump for three minutes. Oral. Slurpety-slurpety-slurpety-slurp, two minutes. Turn. Pumpety-pumpety-pumpety-pump some more. Guy pulls out, masturbates onto his co-worker's back, face, or breasts with a look that might be either feigned enthusiasm or real disappointment. It all seemed to be by the clock (pumpety-pump, I guess, costs less to script.) No wonder everyone needed towels.

Note: from what I can tell about Dacia it's hard to imagine sex in the porn she's been involved in would be nearly as mechanical. But it sounds like you still need towels. And (lights and bodily fluids notwithstanding) if your sexual activity enough to need towels you probably also ought to stretch either before or after or both. :-)

If so, then which stretches are best?

Yes, this isn't meant to be a serious post. On the other hand, if you're aware of any sex manuals, kinesiology texts, workout books or videos, or websites that deal with sex as a fitness activity please post a pointer in comments.