Table manners

Flutterby of Kissing in Public has just posted a list of ten critical rules about the clitoris. Considering some of the comments on my recent post about cunnilingus I think it's a pretty important list:

Read it from the source. Flutterby writes good stuff.

Flutterby's Guide to Sexually Satisfying Your Sweetheart

In this edition we will learn about the mysterious, lovely clitoris.

1) Now I know you already know this, but I cannot stress enough the importance of warming up your woman before heading for her clit. The clitoris is a highly sensitive bundle of nerves and if you rub it before it's ready it FUCKING HURTS! Got it? Good. The clit is sensitive and somewhat shy, it needs to be coaxed, and teased.

2) So how do you coax a clit to readiness? The best way to convince a clit to
swell to your loving touch is simple. Don't touch it at all. Touch everything else, but don't touch the clit. Kiss her thighs, run your nails across her lower abdomen just above the line where her (perfectly trimmed) pubic hair begins. Lightly stroke your fingers in the crease between her thigh and her cunt. The clit is not only shy, it's also curious and a little fickle. I guarantee that if the clit gets wind that there is something fun going on and she is not included, she will be begging to join in soon enough.

Okay. So the little nubbin has begun to blush and wishes to be invited to the party. But remember, she's sensitive, so any sign of an rough play and she will quickly get cross and refuse to play and you'll have to coax her all over again.

3) Lightness of touch is key when it comes to the clit. Even if your cock is pumping furiously, and your woman is moaning, the clit still needs a gentle stroke. Don't press too hard, in fact, you hardly need to press at all. This little organ is so sensile that simply manipulating the flesh that covers the clit is incredibly pleasurable if not orgasm inducing.

4) Moving up and down on the clit is not as pleasurable and stroking in a circular motion. This motion can be small, or larger to including the outer labia. Remember that the part of the clit that you can see is only the very tip of the iceberg. The nerves extend all the way up to where the outer lips of your womans beautiful pussy begins.

5) If you divide the clit into four quarters, the upper left quadrant is the most sensitive. That's the upper right quadrant if you are between her legs and giving her a good licking. Don't ask me how I know this,I can't remember where I read it, but it is certainly true for me and for many other women I have spoken too.

6) Instead of using one finger, try using two, or even your whole, flat hand. Focusing the action in the space that only one finger can cover can be too intense, and even painful. In the same vein, use your whole finger instead of just fingertip.

7) HARD and FAST are not the same thing! If your woman says "harder" that doesn't mean you need to accelerate to the speed of light. Likewise, if she says, "faster", you should speed up without putting two tons of pressure on her nubbin.

8) Most of these tips apply to giving good oral too. While porn stars usually
stick out their tongues and flick the clit madly, this isn't usually going to
make your woman have that mind blowing climax. Use your tongue flat as well,
and lick long and slow from her perineum all the way up to where her lips
begin. You can suck her clit gently into your mouth, cover her entire cunt with your mouth if you can and kiss it the same way you would passionately smooch her other lips. Your entire face should be covered in pussy juice by the time you finish. If it's not, don't expect that wet and sloppy blow job that you love.

9) Once you find the movement and rhythm that makes her writhe and groan, DON'T STOP. Don't change rhythm or pace or pressure. If you find the magical combination, keep going until she cums or begs you to stop. Any variation and the entire buildup could be lost.

The last nine tips have been for the men out there, since I assume that lesbians don't need this kind of advice and are clit savvy. But my last tip is for women, and this may be the most important of all.

10) Tell him what you want, how you want it, where you want it, how fast you want it, and how long you want it for. If you don't, you have no right to complain.

I think it's a good idea to think through each item on the list, even if you
think you know them. Comments to my previous post tend to run along the lines of "most guys aren't that great at it" with a hint that if they didn't have ulterior motives (expectations of reciprocation) they wouldn't do it at all.

I think I knew at least six and maybe eight of Flutterby's tips, and I've found
that most but not all apply to almost everyone. Preferences vary, of course,
but that definitely covers the important parts.

Lest I sound smug, by the way, there's a big difference between knowing those rules and consistently following them, and while I strive to get it right I also fade, falter, get overenthusiastic, make assumptions, get into ruts, etc.

Thus her final rule means a lot too. There's nothing more demoralizing (for anyone giving oral sex) to learn only later that your partner wasn't enjoying it but didn't want to hurt your feelings.