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Satisfaction Guarantees

Wed, 2006-01-11 13:00 — figleaf

In a post that I want to treat more thoroughly later because the subject is really important to me, Gigi of Mamaliciousbrings up a really, really big issue when she says “It would only be mediocre sex and I wouldn’t be guaranteed an orgasm…”

As I was falling asleep last night the question kept nagging me, “Is there any way one can guarantee an orgasm? Could there be?”

(Stereotype has it that one answer is “be male” but even that’s not the sure thing of legend and song. A counterintuitively high proportion of men (I think around 10-15%) also report difficulty coming.)

So this is going to be a bit more of an essay question, and I acknowledge up front that there’s no one answer for everyone and that your answers are going to be wonderfully diverse: Based on past, current, or fantasy/ideal conditions, what could your partner do to guarantee an orgasm for you?

Disclaimer: Based on a two-year period of side-effect anorgasmia I think it’s crucial to acknowledge that, at least with an attentive partner and at least for me, sex without orgasms can still be pleasurable and deeply, deeply satisfying. So maybe a better way to frame the question is: what could your partner do to guarantee you deeply satisfying sex?

[Feel free to answer as philosophically, as romantically, as practically, and/or as graphically, as you wish. There really can’t be any rules for such a subjective question. —fl]

Wed, 2006-01-11 17:23 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

I really don’t know the answer to this, but I think it would have to do with making sure a confluence of events occurred, in that…we were both reasonably horny, and we had enough time to do the things we already know work. A vibe doesn’t hurt either, regarding a secured result.
Orgasms are funny things though, I’ve had nights where I was absolutely certain that I’d be launching several times, only to poop out at one, and other evenings when I was sick, tired what have you where somehow my body went crazy and I came a lot.
The pussy, she is a mysterious thing.

[Thanks, Goose. Thanks especially for breaking the ice. I know what you mean about never knowing what’s going to happen and how, sometimes, when your sick or tired you surprise yourself. —fl]

Wed, 2006-01-11 18:01 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

Fig, the question is flawed. Sorry :(
There are no guarantees. For anything. Seems a bit pessimistic, but it’s true. Best you can do is plan for the worst, hope for the best and it comes out usually on the side of the best. That’s always worked for me.

A different issue, but still connected, is the times when I don’t want to come at all, just want the experience of having someone inside me, with me, caring, all that, and that’s somehow not acceptable to the partner. Drives them crazy and they really can’t understand “Hey, you know, I just don’t WANT an orgasm tonight, but I do want YOU to have an orgasm.” That kind of thing. But guaranteed orgasms? Nope. Never gonna happen… Not unless you’ve got an uber toy and a new drug we don’t know about. In which case you better be sharing.

[Excellent points, DN, and I felt a little funny asking the question, and you’ll notice the modification I put in before I even posted. I went ahead anyway because I wanted to push that limit a bit out of the “what can we expect” and into the “what can we want.” —fl]

Wed, 2006-01-11 18:08 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

Nodding with Darkneuro about those times when I just don’t need to come, when the closeness is enough, when his orgasm is plenty for two to share. Yess.

DTG xxoo

[If I hadn’t asked the question I’d probably answer the same way, since I totally enjoy doing it the way you and DarkNeuro do too. So you’re totally right on this point, DTG, but I want to explore something else. Thanks. —fl]

Wed, 2006-01-11 20:01 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

Guaranteed orgasm? Ain’t gonna happen for me. They come out of no where, when I least expect it and are no where to be found when I most want them.

Deeply satisfying sex, now that’s quite another thing. Deeply satisfying sex can be easily achieved for me if the guy is really turned on, stays really hard, has an energetic workout, tries a variety of positions, pays lots of attention to my clit and my breasts, includes lots of touching and kissing and affection, and has an explosive and verbal climax. I get as much from that as I do from having the orgasm myself…well, almost. (g)

My very best, all time orgasm came (pardon the pun) when I was on top after a lengthy oral sex session. I think it also helped that I loved the man and he loved me.

But what do I know.

[Oh Elizabeth you know plenty! There’s no “correct” answer and, as you and I and others have said, sometimes there’s no answer at all. Thank you! —fl]

Wed, 2006-01-11 20:26 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

There are no guarantees. There is not one thing a man can do to guarantee an orgasm from me. There is plenty he can do to make me enjoy the whole experience, but in the end, there are no guarantees. Perhaps the one thing that can get in the way of an orgasm is the mind. If my mind is full, then chances are, I may not orgasm and there isn’t anything anybody can do to calm my mind if there happnes to be a lot going on in my life. But I agree… I don’t have to cum to have a great sexual experience, it’s an added bonus. :)

[Thanks for the great answer, Pandora. —fl]

Wed, 2006-01-11 20:36 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

There is no guarantee for my orgams, they have a mind of their own and come (ha!) or don’t with little rhyme or reason.

Satisfying sex? That’s easy. When we’re naked and together and he looks me in the eyes and I know that he loves me…

Ahhhhhh.

[Your answer is clearly better than the question. :-) Thanks, Claire. —fl]

Wed, 2006-01-11 20:44 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

Like everyone else said, there are no sure fire guarantees, but for me at least, a lot of it comes from how involved he is in the sex. We all know at times we have sex to get off, and it feels great, but when he plays on my triggers, and through his touch, shows me how well he knows my body, I am guaranteed phenomenal sex. It is how involved your partner is in your pleasure . Both of us have expressed that bringing the other one to an earth shattering climax is almost as good as cumming yourself. I said almost!

Seriously though, I have played with him and kept him on the edge for what seemed like hours to me (which meant like days for him) and when I finally let him cum, it was so explosive that I was left satisfied and happy and had that post-sex endorphine high. He has said the same thing.

[Thanks, Storm. —fl]

Wed, 2006-01-11 21:42 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

Like Elizabeth, Love is what makes the difference. Horniness and orgasms with Love are nirvana. But I also agree there are times when the intimacy is enough, I don’t have to cum to feel it is complete.

[Love certainly helps! I’m not sure I could do it with out intimacy. Thanks, Boo! —fl]

Wed, 2006-01-11 23:58 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

I was recently asked “Where my button is”? By a man who has had less than ten women in his life, and he said all ten had a “button”, an instant-orgasam button. And I had to ponder what is wrong with me, since I’ve slept with over 30 men, and I have yet to experience an instant orgasam, or a button.

Sometimes I can come for or five times in a night, sometimes I can run all night and not a blip on the screen. The “O” is not just the best part though, the penetration, the touching, the being together, all feels glorious and way more memorable.

[Goodness gracious that man must have a wonderful touch… or an even more wonderful imagination. Guess which I think he’s got, Bella? :-) Also, yeah, if all we really wanted was a big 0 we could get that with our fingers. There really is more to it than that. Thanks. —fl]

Thu, 2006-01-12 17:41 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

I ordinarily reply directly to people’s comments with italicized annotations but everyone’s comments in this post have been helpfully instructive so I wanted to say thanks to one and all.

Thanks!

figleaf

Thu, 2006-01-12 20:42 — 555 (not verified) #permalink

I have read u for months but tonight – this one required a respnose!

Self acceptance of all ur own quirks and flaws makes it so easy to let go with a partner! If u have jetisoned the baggage, there is no hangup impeding ur ultimate O.

After many years of horrid, unsatisfying sex I decided too bad – stretch marks, C-sections, few extra pounds be damned. Im a 40+ hottie! Woo hoo. Guess what? Multiple orgasms, multiple ways the first time! The guy? Me? Both? Hmmm.

We are our own worst enemies. Our minds that is!
If u dont overthink it (near impossible I know) the best is to … u know! LOL

[Good for you! Good for him. Thanks, VL! —fl]

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