How to find someone's clitoris (if you don't already know)
Years ago someone finally showed me a very reliable way to find someone else's clitoris if you're too shy to ask her to show you.
a) don't worry about it at first. Just lick, kiss, and caress her lovingly. All over. Till her breath is hot on your neck and her hands are stroking you back. Wait for her little erection to begin to grow and for that to happen you want her to be excited everywhere, not just there.
b) touch her lightly at the base of her mons, just *above* the top of her clitoral hood. Don't move too fast, don't make a beeline, but don't squirrel around either since she might get ticklish if she's not sure where you're going. Also don't drop everything else -- keep kissing her and, of course, letting her kiss you back.
c) rock your fingertip left to right till you feel something sort of like a long thick tendon under her flesh. There aren't any tendons there so that's going to be it. (If you don't feel it at first keep rocking or gently swirling, not to mention kissing and licking, and it'll usually pop up.)
d) once you've found her, follow it down into her folds with your tongue or fingers
The idea is that the shaft of almost everyone's clit is bigger (or at least easier to find) higher up and most people don't know it goes that high. It's definitely easier to find than starting with the little glans under her hood and working your way up.
Oh yeah, one more thing, as she gets closer to coming the surrounding flesh will get more and more engorged and flushed and that can make it harder to find again. It's still easier to find if you go from the top. (Masters & Johnson and others said the erection goes away just before orgasm but it's always seemed to me that everything else swells -- wonderfully -- around it.)
Another idea that helps is to lay the length of your finger alongside her clitoral hood and do the same rocking back and forth across it. Once you find it you can circle it or rub up and down on one side or the other. (If you're talking at that point ask her which side she likes. One side is often more sensitive than the other.)
Finally, for a lot of women it feels better overall to stay on the outside of the hood than to dig a fingertip or tongue under the hood and drill directly into the little tip. For most people the tip, the glans, is *very* sensitive. It's totally tempting to do it, especially since slurping or sliding up between her labia will lead you right to it. Yes, *really* tempting and unless she's really into it you, like I, may have to fight yourself every time. That's not to say you should never do it because some people do like it, but it's a good idea to check first.
Yes, I'm sure there are other, and maybe even better ways to find it or play with it but ever I learned that way to do it I've had very, very good fortune and almost no complaints.
It's truly shameful in a deliciously wonderful way - you draw me into your post every damn time...
Minus the other person, and you basically just described how I taught myself to masturbate some 15 years ago (I'm still well under 30 to give you an idea when that occurred).
The only other big tip I would give men (or women...) is to study diagrams of the vagina with the parts outlined. It is really not so hard to locate a clit once familiar with the territory.
Rey
[Thanks, Rey. I figured it was probably pretty obvious to people with clitorises of their own but I figured it wouldn't hurt to bring it up for those who don't, -- or, I suppose, those who are only familiar with their own and weren't sure about anyone else's. :-) --fl]
Well Well... that was a very nice post. Every word is so correct. Thanks for the lovely insight!
[Thanks, Pandora! --fl]
*waves hand at face*
Is it warm in here?
[Eek! And getting warmer, Autumn! Thanks! --fl]
Great post I wish I had it years ago I would have made copies and handed it out!
hugs
Des
[Thanks, Des! --fl]
Excuse me while I go and find my clit. Shouldn't be too difficult now that you have it standing at attention.
Nice bunns ;)
[Eek! Glad I have your attention then, Boo. :-) Thanks. --fl]
Hmmm, would it be too much if I had this post tattoo'd to my stomach?
Yeah? OK. What about printing T shirts up or maybe those little laminated cards that he could keep in his wallet-OH wait condom wrappers!
Yeah have this printed up on condom wrappers!!!
[Oh yeah, condom wrappers! Great idea, X. Thanks! --fl]
Ohhhh laminated cards! That's awesome.
Sometimes I've wished I had one of those ginormous clits...NO ONE could miss one of those, right?
Ahem...that's one lovely ass you've got yourself there. Kiss.
[Probably not, but then you'd miss the fun of getting explored -- by someone who'd read one of the the laminated cards, of course. :-) Thanks, AAG. --fl]
quick, send this post out to every man you know!
excellent post fl.
excellent bottom too :)
[Thanks, M. I'm a bit more shy about the motorcycle-wreck scars on the other cheek but I'll get over that one of these days and post that side too. -- fl]
Oh I'm so glad you mentioned how sensitive an un-hooded clit tip can be. Especially when you use a dry fingertip *shudder*
[Eek! I don't like dry contact on *my* tip either and even though it's got the same number of nerves your tip does it's a heck of a lot bigger. So yeah, shudder! I've been told with uncertain authority that even a tongue tip can be too much. Which is a nuisance, of course, because it's a lot of fun to do (for the small number of partners who've really been into it.) Thanks, Shay. --fl]
omg, I know several men that need to read this & commit it to memory!
Not to use with me, mind you. But just as a psa. ;-)
[Thanks, April. --fl]
Whew. Even your educational writing is erotic.
Spot on, Figleaf, and pun very much intended.
Could you please submit this to every damn men's magazine you can find? Maybe then the guys will give up that daft "letters of the alphabet" theory and get properly down to business.
Syl.
[I probably won't send it to any magazines, Syl, but anyone else who wants to has my blessing. As for the mouthing-the-alphabet thing, VS of Virgin-Slut suggests if you're going to mouth anything it might as well be dirty words instead. But experience suggests it's not terribly effective either way. Thanks! --fl]
Thank you, this was delightful, and so informative. IMO, this qualifies as a public service announcement. If you continue to write more posts of this sort, you should seriously talk with your tax advisor about applying for tax exempt status as a charitable organization. What could be more charitable than teaching folks to have good sex? (I wonder if the IRS would create a new code section for educational sex blogs? 501(36c)? Or, show the IRS your photos to prove that you qualify for as a well-endowed private foundation...
Kochanie
(UK readers -- the section of the Internal Revenue Code of the United States that addresses tax exmpt status is 501(c)(3).
[Thanks Kochanie. I have to say I felt nervous and a little bit silly for bringing it up but based on your and everyone else's kind reception I'm glad I did. And for the record, while I spruced it up a bit I can't take credit for the basic idea. Someone had to show me too, and we were both happier after she did. :-) --fl]
Now let's just hope that the seriously uneducated will find this post and learn from it. ;)
-LD
PS - Nice ass.
[Thanks, LD. --fl]
I suspect the fig fancies this man alot more than I do. Passable body.
#1 very well described! you must be an expert, i know i wouldn't be complaining....
#2 Nice ass! even nicer are the two dimples at the base of your spin...
and
#3 i feel the same about my scars... i've only recently shown one of them to my email friend. my left leg seems to take the brunt of all injuries.
[I'd do my very best, Needra. And I'll post that photo of my scars for you and all the rest of us who have them. Thanks. --fl]
Here's an alternate method that also works well.
Starting from the same place as Figleaf (lots of all over foreplay to raise the general temperature), slide your finger lightly down the labia to just past it (the t'aint). Once there, slide the tip of your finger back up until you feel wetness. Make some small circles there to pick up moisture; don't penetrate. Still moving in loose wiggly lines, work your way slowly and lightly up between her lips--at a certain point, either you'll feel a hard little nubbin, or you'll run out of crevice. Once there, just move the fingertip around in circles, gently exploring everything and narrowing in on the clit.
At this point, you should be able to tell from her reactions whether you're getting close. If you found it, make circles around it, brushing it lightly. Apply pressure more directly in *tiny* increments and listen for her reactions. You need to learn for every partner how much pressure to use--some women are way too sensitive for direct pressure, some women will surprise you with the amount of direct drilling on it they want. It's trial and error, and if you go slow you can minimize your mistakes and learn to do it just right.
[That's a great way to find it, Justin, but it's also the most sensitive part (comparable to the head of your cock, with the same number of nerves in an incredibly tiny area.) Too much pressure, or too much friction can have her jumping not-for-joy. That's why I was so impressed by my old partner's find-it-from-the-top method. I still love stroking through her labia though. Mmm, yummy! Thanks, Justin! --fl]
linked to this one on post for 3/15. Thanks, Figleaf!
[No thank you, Blue Gal. --fl]
Loving my wifes clit for 10 years.
I have grown in my relationship with her clit. Approach slowly and use tongue best and wise. stretch her labia and wide open her shaft. :)
[Thanks, LT. --fl]