Starting where?
So I've been getting a lot of body work lately. Someone I know is in massage school and, as I've done in the past, I get to play crash-test dummy. The good news is I get maybe two hours of free massage a week. The bad news... well, there's not much bad news is there? Occasionally I get to learn about anatomy the hard way (who knew you could bruise your quadratus lumborum against the rib-like transverse processes of your lumbar vertebrae?) The massages are very much on the up-and-up. Unlike the very old days when I was learning about massage students learn as much about boundary issues, professionalism, and transferrence/countertransferrence as they do about trochantors, phrenic nerves, and lateral plantar arteries. Which as a reluctant-but-sincere monogamist is just fine.
Something else I've learned that I hadn't really thought of before is that I haven't spent much time developing a good sense of my body. Sure, I can run, throw a ball, do yoga, fold paper blowgun darts, play all kinds of musical instruments, knit, cook, stand on my head, climb very tall (if not very technically challenging) mountains, drive, kiss, and make mad, passionate love but...
Well, but I've never spent that much time locating individual muscles and I've spent almost no time activating the nerves in my skin. Which is a shame because as big as I am I've got quite a lot of it. I mean yeah, I've got very sensitive fingers, and my face and neck have always responded well to caresses, and of course there's always... well, the *obvious* spots. But when my LMT-in-training pointed out that I've got a lot of unresponsive spots (my chest is pretty bound up after wracking childhood asthma) I started thinking about what to do about that.
So for the last few nights I've been spending time touching myself, lightly, with just a fingertip in places I've never paid attention to. At first, when for instance I traced lines from my collarbones down to my lower abdomen I didn't feel much. A little tickle over my ribs, maybe, and a sensation of contact, but really not much more than that at all. At first!
This may be totally obvious to everyone else on planet earth, but over the last few days, maybe as the rust has started scaling off unused synapses, I've started noticing more. They started out as tingles at first but more recently, as I grow more familiar with the sensations they're getting deeper and wider and very, very interesting. It's a whole 'nother layer of delight that's not so much sexual as sensual and alive.
One of my old blog tag-lines used to be "Learning from my mistakes so you won't have to." I may have to give that another whirl. I think I've been missing a lot. I'm really interested in combining it with sex. My LMT-in-training might have professional boundary issues but my partner may have been waiting years for me to figure it out. I'm looking forward to finding out. In the (perhaps unlikely) even you're not familiar with the effect you might want to give it a try too.
Can you really knit?
I had a friend who went through massage school. It was the best 10 months. I was quite shy and reserved for the first one. But from the second massage on, i was totally comfortable and fully appreciated every aspect of the full -body, deep tissue massage. love these shower shots.
[Hey, Boo. I used to work in a job that involved team meetings up to 20 hours a week (during planning phases.) So yeah, I don't knit as often as I used to but you can see two of my sweaters and some other arts and crafts I've made here. And yeah, the deep tissue massage they teach now feels a lot nicer these days than when it first came out. Mmm. --fl]
A phrase from a movie this last week reached out to me - "You must know pleasure to give pleasure."
It rather goes along with what you wrote. So the combination of the phrase and what you wrote, and some experiences this week have me thinking. Strange the at times even the skin can go numb to pleasure - and skin would seem to be the gateway to other (body) pleasure places.
[Good point, Rosie. Thanks! --fl]
Oh, you lucky boy! Two hours of free massage a week! I'm jealous, I tell ya. ;)
Glad to hear that you're experimenting with touch all over you body, as opposed to just simply the "obvious" areas. Me thinks I should do a little experimenting myself. :)
I had a look at your knitting projects, and was pretty impressed. I especially like the silk cable-knit ski sweater. It frames your torso oh so nicely. ;)
-TC (formerly LD)
[Hey thanks TC! --fl]
Hi Fig,
Wow, now is the perfect time to get yourself to a Nia class. It's all about sensation.....the language of the body....the teacher will guide you to focus on different body parts and explore what you are sensing there. It may be an interesting journey to find out what's all stuck in amongst those chest muscles.
Dancing through life,
BEStorm
This may be totally obvious to everyone else on planet earth..
No, Figleaf, it isn't. (Even though you make me laugh, because I often think that I am last one to figure anything out...) We are trained to ignore our bodies (Feel sick? Too bad, wimpass, gotta go to work/school). So I hope you will enjoy getting in touch with your solar plexus and his friends. David Deida's book, The Enlightened Sex Manual, discusses this practise of reawakening with breathwork and massage those parts of the body that we have numbed. The abdomen is an especially vulnerable area, which is why it is kept rigid, like armor.
One word of caution to you or any of your readers who are new to this process. Memory of traumatic events is stored in muscle and tissue, as well as in the brain. Massage and meditation can awaken the ghosts of past abuse, and this may be an essential part of the healing. So don't be surprised if, when expecting a nice feel good session, you may have anger, tears, or fear come to the surface. For individuals who have experienced abuse -- be it emotional, verbal, physical or sexual -- they may need to assisted by a mental health practitioner who can guide them as these painful memories come up to the surface.
A relatively mild example...
In my thirties, I was working with a therapist to heal the abuse experienced in my childhood and adolescence. One exercise that she had me perform, was to concentrate on each part of my body, and ask "What emotion resides here?" For example, a child who was never allowed to express his/her true feelings could have the sensaion of a tightened throat or asphyxiation.
In this exercise, which my therapist told me to perform at home, while lying down, I had gone through head, neck, chest, arms -- nothing unusual. In fact I was getting pretty darned bored. Then I reached the lower abdomen, and silently asked, "What resides here?" Without warning, I began to cry and sob as if I was reliving one of those horrid episodes from my childhood. I was not prepared for the power of that unleashed emotion.
So if you or one of your readers decides to do this touching and exploration as part of your sexual play, I hope it will be enjoyable. But if you suspect an old monster lurks beneath your skin, warn your partner and/or ask a therapist beforehand.
[Good point! Other friends in bodywork have discussed the same effect though I haven't yet encountered it. On the other hand if I unlock something suppressed I'd rather discover and deal with it than have it festering away in the background. On a lighter note, though, I'm learning some wonderful new ways to experience being touched. Thanks, Kochanie. --fl]
Ooohh... Are you opening the door in invitation or is it just my imagination??
[Watch out, Kitty, or I'll start blushing. :-) Thanks. --fl]
So, when does your massage student friend start learning about happy endings?
[Hey Mon! The students in this program are hard-core but not *that* kind of hard-core. :-) Seriously, as letcherous as I am, and as (abstractly) supportive as I am of sex worker, I'm totally comfortable with the idea of keeping Massage Therapy separate from sex work. Thanks, Mon. --fl]
That's very cool Fig!
mmm
sounds like a lot of fun.
(and your shower looks like a lot of fun)
[Thanks, Shay! --fl]