Trick question
So the other day in comments to the question "Why does a person want to have sex with others? And why do other people attempt to stop him or her from doing it?", Romancing Simplicity said
it always seemed to me that masturbation was more discouraged than sex, so maybe that's why I never looked at that question and was able to understand why a person wouldn't want to have sex with someone else.
You can read her whole comment, and the post it appears in here.
And it occurred to me that even as recently as the 1980s people in general, and women more than men, were very reluctant to admit they masturbated. Then, sometime between the release of, say, Fast Times at Ridgemont High and maybe Something About Mary, or American Beautywas released masturbation sort of came out of the closet that, by the time Secretary had gone from being an activitiy of pratts like Judge Reinhold, to Kevin Spacey's expression of frustration and loneliness, to, with Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, pivotal moments in the narrative.
Hmm. When I started this post I was going to be cutesey and say "let me know if you still feel embarrassed to admit you masturbate" (the trick question part) but instead I'd rather ask the question more seriously:
Do you feel comfortable "admitting" you masturbate? (It's kind of silly to say "admit" since the evidence suggests most people -- maybe 85% do.) If you are comfortable discussing it (at least online if not in real life) then has it always been that way for you? And if not then what do you think has changed to make it more acceptable?
---
Me? I masturbated maybe an hour ago and I'm still feeling kind of warm and a little bit tingly from it. I usually do it once or twice a day and always have. Hmm. All these years and I still haven't gone blind or lost interest in sex. I'd hate to think what would have happened if I'd listened to the folks who warned me I would all those years ago. :-)
A lot of my friends from non-pervy circles still don't feel comfortable admitting it - or with other people admitting it, except of course guys under 35.
I joke around about masturbation a lot and while it gets me plenty of "eeeeeeww!"s I've noticed more gals my age quietly 'fessing up. Sign of the times? Damn, I hope so.
(15 minutes ago, 3 quickies. It clears my head.)
[Good to know, Sabrina. Thanks. Also, three in a row? No fair! :-) --fl]
"All these years and I still haven't gone blind or lost interest in sex."
I note you didn't show us if your palms are hairy or not. ha ha ha!
; )
[Doh! And sign #2 being looking for it? :-) Thanks, JeN. --fl]
My favorite joke is about a little boy whose mother finds him masturbating in the bathroom.
"Oh, Johnny, you have to stop that!" his mother cries. "You'll go blind!"
Johnny thinks for a moment then asks, "What if I just do it to the point where I need glasses?"
Thank you, figleaf. This should be a very interesting discussion, and...(damn, can't see this tiny font)..Wait a minute, will you? I have to go find my glasses.
[Good point, Kochanie. While I'm really curious about people's attitudes, especially outside the sex-blogosphers, jokes are always welcome. --fl]
Nope not ashamed at all. I'll tell any consenting adult and I'll tell them I use toys and lube and sometimes household items.
My mother knows because we bumped into each other in the Sex Shop.
It's healthy, it's natural, it's fun!
Gonna go do it now!
[Funny you should mention parents, Madame. My father told me about masturbation in such a painfully earnest-but-indirect way (I'm pretty sure he didn't want me to feel guilty or confused if I learned about it elsewhere) that it put me off trying it for two or three years! Dumb, I know but if he'd wanted me *not* to do it he couldn't have chosen a better way. (Which makes me wonder how many people heard about it from fire-and-brimstone types and immediately set out to try it themselves on an "anything that's that bad must feel really, really good?") Thanks, Madame! --fl]
Thank goodness I didn't listen to the nay-sayers either. I masturbate about once a day - and some days I'll hit 3 or 4 times.
The way I first learned to masturbate? The faucet in the bath tub with the water running... needless to say my favorite now is the hand-held shower head massager.
And with masturbation, I only have to please myself, so it's all for me. Not better than sex, just different.
[Yup, when I was growing up a lot of people learned about the bathtub trick. (I think it was in Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask, which was a *huge* book in the 1970s. Before that I don't think *anyone* talked about masturbation in popular culture except maybe Lenny Bruce and I think they threw him in jail for it! Thanks, Bella. And yup, while I still think it's sex, it's definitely sex for one and sex with a partner isn't really a substitute. I think we all still benefit from that time alone with ourselves. --fl]
I do it a lot, but I don't talk about it very much..except online. I must be one of those that get all embarrassed about it. ;)
[Funny you should mention that. Evidently a lot of people feel embarrassed about doing it as often as they do. I'm not saying people should brag about it but hey, I think there are lots of people who worry they're the only ones. Thanks for fessing up, M. :-) --fl]
I've never been ashamed to tell anyone I masturbate since I started to do it -- before that I might get all a-twitter, however.
I even had a slightly embarrassing conversation with my mother in which she mentioned that she didn't and never had.
Horrified, I bought her a vibrator for her birthday. Don't know if she's used it, but I'm glad I gave her the option. I'm sure this would skeeve out most people, but my mother and I can talk about anything, and she'd be too embarrassed to buy one herself, so I figured, why not?
[Good for you, September. First for being able to talk about it with your mom, second for encouraging her. Thanks. --fl]
yes i am comfortable discussing it, but i don't discuss it with everyone. if someone seems like the type who would completely freak out i keep it to myself. i'd go blind with insanity if i couldn't masturbate.
[Oh yeah, I'm not saying we should talk about it with everybody. I am glad, though, that people are willing to talk about it, period, since there was a tendency for everyone to feel guilty because they thought they were the only ones. And, uh, yeah, I'd go insane too. Thanks, Lime. --fl]
interesting topic.... I would have to say I am open to discussing it online. But haven't ever "admitted" it or talked about it in the real world. I tried to discuss it with my partner... if ever did...and he just ignored me. Changed the subject... and refuses to talk at all about sex. If he put two and two together... he would realize that I do, and often. But he is of the firm belief that men can only come once a week. YES you read that right... when we first got married... anything less then a week and he said it didn't work. That All other men were lying. I knew better... But it is sad that he still is under that belief and won't even try to participate anymore. I'd be lucky to have sex with him 3 times a year... so YES I masturbate often... very often!! Showers are heaven!
[Eeek! Yikes, Silent D! Why do I suspect you deserve something more fulfilling? Or at least a way to synchronize your desires with his, one way or, if necessary, the other. Lacking that then yes, I can imagine showers are pretty wonderful. (Keep in mind that feeling undesired is not at all the same thing as being undesirable, my dear.) I don't know if you spend much time with the people I blogroll but you'll find that while some people have wild monkey sex all day long, others would be nodding their heads not with sympathy but with pure, unadulterated empathy. Sadly you're in very good company. --fl]