Conceptual porn and interestingly dishonest comment spam
I've got a conceptual pornography problem. I'm a heterosexual man. I'm attracted to women. Women just... *look* good to me. My sexual fantasies are about women.
So here's the conceptual part. I'm not that turned on by photos of lesbians. I mean real, non-bisexual Lesbian lesbians. It's conceptual because if you're a lesbian you don't look any different from any other woman, no less attractive, certainly no less interesting to be around or interact with nonsexually. I find it almost impossible to fantasize sexually about someone who wouldn't fantasize about me.
Bisexuality is fine. The one time I tried I really enjoyed being invited to join two women who were already having sex with each other. I wouldn't exactly leap at the chance to do it again but neither would I decline. (Actually, let me qualify that a bit. There are specific individuals I'd consider doing it with because I like them a great deal and I'd enjoy doing pretty much anything sexual with them, but I rarely have fantasies about sex with more than one woman.)
Anyway, I mention this because looking through my server logs I see I consistently get a remarkable number of hits on my "Figleaf's Photos" page, often from web searches like "just gay porn." That coincides with my experience on Flickr where its mostly men who bookmark my pages or flag them as favorites or ask to see my more explicit "friends-category" photos.
And along these lines started getting hit with an *incredible* amount of comment spam -- several hundred a day sometimes -- mostly stuff trying to entice people to visit the spammer's customer's gay-porn sites. That sort of makes sense -- though I'm straight I post photos of myself and presumably that's enough for the spammers to try fishing people out. (Preview: there's a great kicker related to this at the end of this post.)
Again, it's not really a suprise. For whatever reason men seem to surf for porn than women. Still I wonder if it's any more interesting looking at genuinely straight men if you're gay than it is for me as a straight man to look at genuinely gay women. My guess? To be honest I have no idea.
It's worth noting that being viewed erotically and/or approached sexually by a gay man is a big fear in straight men. Which is sort of funny since I've always found gay men to be extraordinarily courteous when I decline sexual advances. (I learned a lot about accepting rejection from some of my earliest gay friends, and I think it made me a more gracious and understanding suitor to the women who've been my partners over the years.)
And generally speaking once I've said I was straight, and said I wasn't interested in men, the majority of men who've solicited me have never bothered to ask again. Now *that's* a lesson it takes a while for those of us who are straight to assimilate. (Question: Would you as a woman be more surprised, anxious, or relieved if the men in your lives had respected your first demurral and never asked again?)
Anyway, here's the kicker to some of the comment spam I'm getting: One group have incredibly salacious names and texts, the kind they must assume appeals to non-straight men. But! If you follow their link it takes you to... a discount airline ticket agency! As milestones in tolerance goes that's actually pretty cool when I think about it -- or would be if I could get over my visceral spamophobia.
I think you're on to something, figleaf, when you say that we may look to comment spam for new milestones in tolerance. Actually, comment spam can be very entertaining, whether intentional or not. Tess of Urban Gypsy has penned a series of stories called the Daray Tales about the passionate lovemaking and bloodletting between a woman and her sadistic lover. Tess is a superb writer with a fine sense of detail, as demonstrated by her descriptions of copious amounts of bodily fluids. So it should be no surprise that one of these tales, Affirmation, was the recipient of this targeted ad:
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News of this monumental shedding of bodily fluids spread through the blogosphere, prompting another offer of assistance to the ever moist Tess and her swain:
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Don't delete that spam. There's gold in them thar hills. Yes, I can see it now: The Real Adult Anthology of Comment Spam edited by Figleaf
[Heh. I just think it's an interesting way to try to gin up sales at one's (no doubt extremely fraudulent) travel booking service. But otherwise I'm just not into the spam thing. (The random-phrase generators they use to defeat Baysian filters can come up with some good stuff -- machine-generated texts were quite the next new thing for avante-guard deconstructionists when I was in college. But it's still spam so who cares?) Thanks, Kochanie. --fl]
I'd get a lot more work done if men listened the first time. I've found of course that it depends on the level of the establishment and their clientel - Wednesday I was out watching the Stanley Cup, having a beer and working on a piece of writing. IF I ever go to that bar again, I will take a stick with which to physically beat the men off with.
Apparently the phrase, "I married. I want to watch hockey and do my work," mean "hit on me please." Ugggh
[My experience of seedy beer bars (I worked in several) is that over time the denizens figure it out, and even respect, that you're just there to watch the game and have a flipping beer and they'll stop trying to hit up on you (if you're a woman) or looking to hustle you for a beer, or a fight, or whatever else (if you're a man.) It's stupid that anyone should have to make that investment in time, stress, and general annoyance, so, in general, why go back? Thanks, Autumn. --fl]
Autumn, while I can understand your exasperation, your experience does contain a hidden jewel. The men in the bar must have found the sight of a woman thinking and writing very, very erotic.
(Question: Would you as a woman be more surprised, anxious, or relieved if the men in your lives had respected your first demurral and never asked again?)
it depends on the man. some, i'd have been surprised entirely because their nature was to not take no for an answer. with those guys i'd also have been relieved now that i think about it. and by the same token, even though i had no interest it may have poroduced some anxiety, 'hhmm....they pursue everyone else relentlessly but they accepted my refusal. was it because i was so firm they knew i meant business or is it because i'm not really very appealing?'
this little dance we do can be so complex!
[Yes it's complex, and for exactly the reasons you laid out. Yikes! Thanks, Lime. --fl]
Kochanie, I'd love to believe that, but as one of the men was ever so kind to point out:
"How can you blame them when you have an ass that nice?"
I wasn't sure to be thankful he was being straight with me, or that he left me alone after he said it.
Hmm, spam that involves a discount airline site? I should probably check those spams closer and see if I can find discount shopping somewhere...
But yeah, as a woman, when I'm in the mood, I search for erotica - writing, not necessairily for pictures.
[I don't think I've ever heard of anyone using spam to promote a legitimate website. The tickets might be relatively inexpensive but it's unlikely you'd be able to board an actual flight with one. :-) Thanks, Bella. --fl]