Hugo Schwyzer mentioned yesterday that he’s been getting tons of Google hits from people looking for “Older men and younger women.”
For some reason, there’s been an absolute explosion since last Saturday in the number of hits to this blog looking for info on “older men and younger women.” These remain my most popular posts ever by far — I’m averaging 15-20 hits every hour of every day this week from sites like Google Australia and Yahoo in France, all eager to read more on this subject. I note that I now have the #1 and #2 ranked sites on Google USA for that search query! Searchers may not like what they find, but once again, here are my three posts on the topic:
Some reflections on older men, younger women and integrity
More on older men and younger women, a long response to “Kate”
One last post on older men, younger women: a reply to “Emily”
Any theories as to why this topic — always a popular one — has suddenly become even more popular with so many folks?
Whew! Now I feel I’ve done the responsible thing and cited Hugo’s even more responsible post.
And of course I don’t mention it repeatedly here in hopes of attracting hits from the same places he was getting them.
Ok! I had an ulterior motive.
Ok, ok! I mean I had another ulterior motive.
I’m actually sort of curious who they might be.
I don’t think it’s all mid-midlife crisis-sufferers seeking exploitably young women, though there might be some. I don’t think it’s all Anna Nichole Smith “gold-digger” wannabes seeking exploitably elderly men, though there might be some. I don’t even think they’re all from representatively conservative National Review columnist and NRO Corner blogger John Derbyshire seeking support for his thesis that in terms of desirability women are over the hill by age 15 (though not for lack of interest on his part.)
Those are all kind of stereotypical, pretty negative assumptions about relative age in relationships so I’ll balance it by wondering instead if it has anything to do with role-playing fantasies, specifically age-play fantasies.
The cool thing about fantasies, of course, is they’re just fantasies. And the cool thing about role-playing is they’re playing out fantasies.
And the cool thing about age-play fantasies for me is I’ve finally got the kind of silvery-graying temples that would give me an air of stern dignity… were I able to stop goofing around long enough to pull it off. :-)
—-
Anyway, if you’ve found your way here via Google, or if you’ve otherwise read this far because the subject interests you, I’d like to hear what you think. What do you consider to be older/younger instead of just “not the same age?” I know from private correspondence that at least a couple regular visitors are in decades-long marriages with older men and that others have had affairs or flings with men old enough to be their… well, I guess as a non-academician I’m comfortable saying “... to be their professors.”
—-
Update: Rae, a non-blogging commenter, says
I have always dated men much older than I am. For me, it’s a matter of being able to relate to someone, and yes, Hugo is right about the measure of safety. But I’ve always been a settled kind of person, and I have never found a man my age I could be more than friends with. I have a bevy of male friends my age and a little younger, and I have always felt they were more like my brothers, somebody I could punch and tease and go bowling with, but not someone who I could love or marry or share a home with.
She raises a very Interesting point. The oldest children of my immediate group of peers are just approaching middle-school age and already we’re hearing about the issue of girls physically maturing much sooner than boys their age and therefore the sense of alienation boys and girls of the same age have for each other at different points. Hmmm… At any rate, from my own teenage years I remember girls tended to be much more interested in older boys. I wonder if that establishes any kind of patterns for later on?
Anyway, I’m just saying that without absolving men who actively exploit much younger women it’s still the case that many younger women are just as attracted to older men.
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Mon, 2006-08-07 17:23.
I've always dated older men, and then I married one. It's interesting that you posted this now, because for whatever reason, I've been thinking about those past relationships, and who I was at those particular times, and mostly who I was was a cocky-ass college student, having a helluva time and managing to get in up to my eyeballs rather than over my head.
I wouldn't say it's for everyone, but I had a good time, and I managed to become a fully-functioning adult.
(My husband, btw, is 34 and I'm 26.)
[Thanks, Nikki. I'm guessing there are both predatory *and* non-predatory relationships between people of very different ages. Good to know you landed on the fully-functioning-adult side. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Mon, 2006-08-07 17:39.
I, too, am shacked up with a man 8 years older than I am (I just turned 23, he's 31), and I have always dated men much older than I am. For me, it's a matter of being able to relate to someone, and yes, Hugo is right about the measure of safety. But I've always been a settled kind of person, and I have never found a man my age I could be more than friends with. I have a bevy of male friends my age and a little younger, and I have always felt they were more like my brothers, somebody I could punch and tease and go bowling with, but not someone who I could love or marry or share a home with.
[Interesting point, Rae. The oldest children of my immediate group of peers are just approaching middle-school age and already we're hearing about the issue of girls physically maturing much sooner than boys their age and therefore the sense of alienation boys and girls of the same age have for each other at different points. Hmmm... At any rate, from my own teenage years I remember girls tended to be *much* more interested in older boys. Hmmm! ...I wonder if that establishes any kind of patterns for later on? Thank you! --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Mon, 2006-08-07 19:06.
Have you visited agelesslove.com
? This is will show you all about the phenomenon..I, too, live with a younger man..:)
[Hi Gayle. I hadn't seen it but thanks for the tip. You might be interested in knowing that on my father's side of the family my grandmother was quite a bit older than my grandfather. Thanks. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Mon, 2006-08-07 20:27.
I dated a man 18 years my elder for a month or so (I was 21). I found it awkward, not so much physicaly as socially. When it was just the two of us it wasn't so weird.
As far as I'm concerned anything more than about 10 years difference in age is going to mean more sacrifice from the younger party in terms of pre-relationship social circle, which I found very distressing. I often felt like a prize of some sort rather than a person and he was never interested in meeting my friends because there was no chance of increase in social status for him.
I think it's mostly that our social circles ("our" in general) tend to extend about 4-7 years, meaning a possible overlap of only a small part of our social circle. Also a very different cultural base, just in terms of when and how we are raised and the media we are exposed to as young adults.
Does this change when you get older? It doesn't seem uncommon for seniors to marry with a 15 year age difference between them, but (from previous posts) 8 years is considered a big gap when you're in your 20s.
My parents are 7 years apart in age and are doing very well together (my mum was 19 when they met).
[Yeah, I've always had the impression age differences are least noticable when it's just the two of you, and hardest when your friends and his or hers mix. Thanks, Colette. (By the way, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your test results. Good luck!) --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Mon, 2006-08-07 21:26.
I am discusted by the older men i was with when i was a teen. Back then i enjoyed the attention, but in retrospect i just wonder what the hell they were thinking.
[Actually I'm going to guess it wasn't so much what they were thinking -- I'm going to guess that at least at first they honestly thought you were a compellingly mature young woman, blah, blah, blah. I'm guessing instead it's what they *weren't* thinking that makes those situations problematic. And, if by "teen" you mean "still underage" then one thing they weren't thinking was "what parts of her development am I interrupting that may affect her for the rest of her life?" Unlike Hugo I tend to feel more sanguine about the ability of adults to cope (that's part of my definition of adulthood) but I draw a pretty sharp line for children, even "surprisingly mature for their age" children. Thanks, Tickle! --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 00:24.
My Father happens to be married to a woman that is actually 6 months younger than me. So there is a 33 year difference in their ages. I went to school with her and I am aware that she had a very hard and abusive childhood. So it didn't surprise me when she admitted that she fell in love with my dad because he could take care of her and make her feel safe. This is my dads 4th marriage, he is extremely happy and going on ten years of marriage with her. (a long time for him)
I however, married a man the same age as me (actually two months younger) :) and there are many times when I wish he were older. We married so young that neither of us had a chance to really experience life. So I think sometimes it would be nice if he had knowledge of certain things that I could learn from. The things I learn, I learn with him not from him. So he is not a take charge kind of guy in our relationship. And sometimes it would be nice to have that... :) So for me, being with an older man would be a turn on, just for the experience and knowledge he could bring into a relationship.
Nice picture by the way... maybe someday we can get a peek at the eyes?
Sage :)
[I've been looking into the costs and benefits of anonymous blogging recently and, basically, I'm afraid that's all of my face I'm comfortable sharing. As for the age thing, yes, I think it's very much of a two-way street in the sense that the feelings are so often mutual. (We can and maybe should explore why, but it's hard to deny they're pretty common.) Thanks, Sage! --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 05:02.
I love being the younger woman, and I basically can be as long as I seek older men, right?
Beside, older men have honed their um....skills.
;)
[Up to a point, anyway. After that demographics kind of takes over. :-) Thanks, Emme. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 06:48.
I feel like a freak over this sometimes, but I have absolutely no desire to date older men. I like to date a guy who is my own age. I don't want to be with someone who was in high school in the eighties (or, for that matter, the aughts). I'd like someone to be within a couple years of me. I've honestly attempted to be more open to guys regardless of age, but I can't get over it; 30 is as old as I feel comfortable dating right now.
I feel like I was forever ruined for older men when a 21 year old friend married a 31 year old. I'm sorry, but that was excessively creepy. Women think they're so mature when they're in their late teens and early twenties -- far too mature for guys their own age -- but the truth is that most people, in their youth, know next to nothing about themselves.
Besides, any guy that tells you, as my ex-friend's husband did, that he saw you when you were 7 and he was a senior in high school and he thought you'd be hot ... well, there's no excuse for that.
There are some parts of your life where an age difference isn't so huge, but I think that in your teens and twenties, it's still kind of a big deal.
But, I'm rambling.
[Well, you're certainly not rambling! Or you're rambling through a bunch of good points. (Saw someone at 7 and though she was hot? Even if he had the decency to wait 11 years I'm just thinking "ewwww!") I'm definitely glad you dropped by, Camogirl. Thanks. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 06:57.
Great post! Great blog.
[Thanks, DJS. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 07:11.
My mother's partner (male) is 20 years older than her - they are 55 and 75 respectively. In absolute terms they of course very different ages, but somehow it doesn't feel that way, since they just act like big kids most of the time.
[Thanks, Katherine. I get the feeling there's just about as much cultural pressure to apologize for Older/Younger relationships as to condemn them when actually most should be assessed pretty much case-by-case. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 07:57.
Age has never been an issue for me. I like men period. If I like a guy, his age means nothing to me. I take people for who they are. I'm weird like that. ;)
I'm not looking for a father figure, that's not what I desire. I've never done age-play, but I'm not opposed to it nor am I saying I would never participate. Time will tell. ;)
[Thanks, TC! I've not done much age-play either, nor does the idea doesn't stir me directly. I've always really enjoyed role-playing into a partner's preferences though so, like you, I probably wouldn't say no to a partner who found it very stirring. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 09:31.
Thanks, Fig, for the links and providing a forum for interesting commentary!
[Hey Hugo, thanks! By the way, I particularly appreciated the insights you bring from your work with young people. It's easy to forget the very real differences between young/old relationships when one person is 30 and the other is 60 vs. the much more perilous relationships where one person is 15 and the other 30. The former can be a harmless quirk, the latter a serious crime. (And, going one step further, where I mean "crime" not in the patriarchial property-crime sense but in the sense of possibly warping someone's development, and thus the rest of his or her life, for generally *very* short-term benefits.) --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 12:51.
I never thought of men being "older men" if they were only 8 to 10 years older. I thought of an "older man" as being 20 plus years older. I think the difference was when I was 19 and early twenties, most men had been in the military and those times defined their manhood. Not too many were hung up on the immediate culture. What I found interesting was their experience with life, political or philosophical views, and intelligence. Sometimes this held true for a younger man when in my later twenties
[Good point, by the way, about how different times and different cultures look at differences in age compared to, say, differences in levels of experience. Thanks, 5o9. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 16:50.
Figleaf you are so insightful.
Now after only having my first orgasm at 25 with a vibrator i hate myself for being so foolish and impressionable as a teen, and if i see one of the ex-es on the street i have zero respect, but pride in myself for becoming a respectable adult, and not falling for the so often heard "baby if you stay near me i will help you out with this and that, and explain how the world works etc etc"
The strange thing is, now my sexuality has developed into something totally else since discovering that being so slutty did not even trigger the desired results for me! Now i wanto be telling a man what i would like, and be the one giving the orders and requests.
Also did notice that in my "thing" with a 20 year old ( i am 28) he has no personality, or a very immature one and no idea what he is doing, and i dont wanto see him again after realizing he never cuddles me, and that just isnt enough from a man who cannot find my clit. Damnit.
[Exactly! You're at a point where you're working out past relationships on current ones. I'm not saying it can't happen that way anyway, just that it's way, way more likely when young people wind up in relationships where the other party knows how to spin them to his or her advantage. Take care of your current partners, though -- sometimes it's hard to remember they're everybody's responsibility. Thanks, Tickle. -- fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 19:06.
I think we are now perputating the longest adolescence in the history of man. I thougth more about this when you spoke of different time and different culture. When I graduated from highschool, quite of few kids got married, maybe both at age 17 or 18. There relationships didn't seem to fare any worst than now. I think our society has raised young people to prolong their maturity. I also think age has nothing to do with maturity after one becomes an adult. For thousands of years very young women had to raise children, do most of the physical labor in their home, managed households and put up with husbands they may or may not like. We survived. This time, I take nature over nuture. There have been women in the past, in my family with the help of women in the extended family, married at fifteen, had children, went to college, and had a profession. Even I did not strive to be a perpetual teenager. I wanted to be an adult, I could not wait to give up my childhood. Of course I made mistakes, but becoming older didn't prevent me from making some of the same mistakes. The reasons were shaped into my personality during childhood and early puberty. I don't say this to say really anything about 15 year olds, but for a 30 year old male to be to old for a 20 year old, as Schwyzer's speaks of, give me a break. A predatory male can be any age.
[The psychologist Eric Erickson famously said "It is human to have a long childhood, it is civilized to have an ever longer childhood." In the 60s I think a lot of us mistunderstood him to mean the goal was to have endless childhoods, and perhaps, arrogantly, that we'd reached such a high point of civilization. Instead, I finally realized, he meant that as society becomes more complex it takes longer and longer to master it. As for your point about people marrying young "back in the day," that's all well and good if everybody's doing it and thus developing a tradition for working it out. In other words my beef isn't so much with an age gap per se, its when the gap is out of place and neither party is properly prepared. Thanks, 5o9. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-08 19:30.
To finish my thought, some parts of Schwyzer's argument sounds to much like reinforcing the stereotype of the fragile female. Remember now, there are young women dying in combat, from a decision they were capable of making.
[I was concerned about that too, 5o9. I've made it clear elsewhere that I don't believe that even marriage should substitute for holding off till you're ready, where ready for some people might be never. That said, somewhere between ages 18 and 21 virtally everyone becomes developmentally mature -- adult -- in a way that scarcely anyone is before. (I don't mean developmentally polished, of course, I just mean finished filling out.) Thanks. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Mon, 2006-08-14 08:06.
I've always dated older men and am now married to one. I'm 43 and Mr. Blue Gal is 65. We have three kids, 7, 4, and 2. In my case I'm not a trophy wife, I'm a trophy womb. And I'm not a golddigger, but I was looking for financial stability that would allow me to stay home with my kids in a real house. Increasingly that means marrying older. There is a huge elephant in the economics living room: young single men (of all races) have been priced out of the housing market, leading DIRECTLY to increased illegitimacy. Throughout civilization, couples have not married until their housing situation was stable and secure. (Sorry for the wild tangent, FL.)
[Oh my yes, young single men have a tough row to hoe economically speaking unless we can figure out... well... quite a lot of stuff. I couldn't really afford to have a family till I was in my 40's. (Till age 35 I rarely earned more than minimum wage!) Thanks, Blue Gal! --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Thu, 2006-08-31 12:14.
I was molested by my uncle as far back as I can remember. My father was also an alcoholic that was never home and always picked up woman. We ended up moving to the country and away from my uncle. My mom left my sister and myself with my dad, but he was never around. It wasn't so bad because we had dogs, horses and a swimming pool. That situation didn't last long because my dad installed a fireplace in the house when he was drunk. He went out to meet someone at a bar and our house, pets, and everything we owned burned to the ground. Fast forward a few years when I got invovled in sports to fit in. I was one of the top athletes in the country in my sport and was around male coaches all the time. The coach in my main sport was 25 years older than me. I was 14 when I met him and it was weeks before he started a relationship with me that lasted for years. It became a problem once my aunts boyfriend slept with me too (again 25 years older) and wasn't happy with the fact that I had feelings for my coach, so he called the police. The police were friends with my coach, so things were left hush hush. I never saw my aunts boyfriend again and things ended with my coach. To get my coaches attention, I got married to a Marine that was my own age. I knew I was going to get divorced, the question was how soon. The only reason I got married was to make my coach jelous, who by the way, was also married and dating several other woman his age. I got pregnant at 20 and divorced not long after. My interests changed and instead of going back to my coach, I started going out with strictly military. I went out with more than I can remember and they were all much older than me. The majority of them had the same obsessive and tempermental personality. My second child came along when I was casually sleeping with an Air Force officer, one of many. He's 20 years my senior. I never fell "in love" with any of them. I would be infatuated for awhile, but when they started getting attachted to me, I always lost interest. I have never been able to be satisfied by a man either since my teenage years with my coach. I finally made a concious decision to get married. I found a "nice" guy, not someone that I would typically be attracted to. He too is an Air Force officer that was far superior to me. He knew everything, read everything and if he didn't know, he learned about it. His ego was just stomped on by his ex wife that he recently divorced. He was so insecure at the time, I think he just wanted a family again and would give anything up to have it. Here came child number 3 and the pride of his life. My husban's dad always wanted him to have a son and I gave my husband one only months before his dads passing. The first few years of the marriage were great and we had my fourth and our last child. Things in the relationship slowed down and just became comfortable. I met back up with my daughters father and we started seeing each other again for several years until he started getting serious and I lost interest. I know the relationship I'm in now is good for me. My husband pushed me to finish college. He makes me make better choices and has really made me grow up. I am a better person because of him. Now, my problem is if we didn't have kids, we probably wouldn't be together. We're going on 13 years and I don't know if this is just how marriage develops. All he does now is work to keep us in all the things we want. I wanted a ranch, so he bought me a ranch. I wanted horses, so he buys me whichever horse I fancy at the time. He ended up having horses shipped from Canada for me. I want a bigger ring, he buys me a bigger ring. I want a new car, he buys me a new, never a used one. I have the latest cell phone, computers, lap tops, GPS and anything else I want. I lived on $800 a month until I married him. When I saw how he spent money, I ended up getting sucked in. At first, I felt guilty, but now I'm spoiled. My husband says he has 4 spoiled kids in the house that he has to take care of, which is to include me. I know my mentality about men is screwed up, but I have no idea how to change it. I want both of us to be happy in our marriage. It just doesn't seem like we are when our kids ask us over and over again if we're "going to get divorced" or if "daddy's going to leave". I don't want to screw up my kids, but how can I fix them if I can't fix me?
[Wow, Alex, that's a heck of a story. If I had only one piece of advice to give it would be this: decide who's really benefitting most from all this attention lavishing. Even if the answer feels obvious, keep thinking. Hope that helps. Good luck. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Sun, 2006-11-19 16:19.
its interesting to read these comments. i am 26 dating a 46 year old man that as life turns out is about 6 months younger than my father.i have to disagree with the comment that some people have made about women who date older men have issues with their fathers, i had a great dad! nobody is perfect but he was always there for me in a healthy way. i was never molested, i just happened to fall in love with an older man. you know i approached him. though after almost 5 years i am getting to a point where i wonder if it is right for us to get married and take the next step.the love is there, it is just that its akward being a step mom to a child that you are closer in age to than your lover... you know i dont think there is a mold we can fit these relationships into, just many different profiles whom are all the exception to the rule, whom all recieve ridicule from one person or another. i would like advice or stories from anyone who married a much older person and dealt with the death and other consequences of this lifestyle choice.
[Oh boy, Sap. There used to be a couple of bloggers in your boat, plus a couple of occasional commenters but I've lost track of them. I do know a woman who was in a lesbian relationship with someone twenty years older. All was quite well till she reached her early 40s and her partner retired. I haven't heard the complete story but I gather it was the older partner who lost patience with the younger one since she no longer felt like leading such an active life. Still, they were very close for two decades before separating. To make a long story short, you might not need it but I'll wish you good luck just in case. :-) Take care. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-12-08 08:24.
Wow, I really enjoyed reading all of these posts. I have been seeing a man 20 years older than me for the past year. When we met I thought he was 10 years younger and he thought I was 10 years older, which started our initial reaction. I agreed to go on a few dates with him, but when learning his age (he's 49, I'm 28) I insisted to myself a relationship together would never go anywhere. I continued to date other people and even tried ending it and taking a break from him at one point, but I couldn't help my genuine love for him. I have struggled to accept our age difference and thought about our challenges down the road as well as the current obstacles. I've never dated someone with any kids, let alone three teenagers! My parents have not supported our relationship and are only now beginning to come around and deal with the possibility that we could be married someday. On paper, he is the perfect guy for me as far as how and where he was raised, how he treats me, his education, career, he's in amazing physical shape, but it's just the age that my family and acquaintances get hung up on. I wonder if I can deal with the judgement for the rest of my life when people see we are together: the natural assumption that he is a sleazy old man and I'm a young gold-digger. We know this was never the case and those closest to us who have gotten to know us and our relationship see that what we have is genuine.
As others have mentioned in their posts, when it is the just the two of us there is no issue of age. We enjoy doing the same things and keep up with and challenge each other equally. He understands my direction and goals in life (marriage, kids) and is on board and mentions it from time to time in a positive way, too. I have respected his relationship with his kids and we have tried to be fair in introducing them into our relationship. So all is going well, but I do feel the need to hear from others in a similar situation to know that I'm not alone. Our relationship may not happen everyday and may not be the most desirable, but I feel there are challenges in any relationship. Some couples may struggle with finances or not love each other equally. We may be strong in those areas, but have to deal with our own age issues. Thanks for listening and I'd love to hear any replies back!
[Wow, Carey, you've really thought this out. Which, in a way, is all that really matters. Ok, going a step further it's all that matters as long as you're willing to ask for, and receive, feedback. My take? Based on the relative handful of acquaintances who've been in long-term wide-age-gap relationships (including one between two women) is that you really can work things out when you're both respectively young, but that things start to unravel once the older partner starts to become genuinely geriatric while you're still (again, relatively) young and able. It's not insurmountable, but it is a big commitment. It's *especially* a big commitment for the younger person because that's when the older person, who's made his or her commitment already, is most incredibly vulnerable. I hope that helps, Carey. Thanks. --fl]
Submitted by 858 (not verified) on Thu, 2007-09-06 14:52.
i am a student (male) and i am doing a research on the issue of young women marrying older men. my research topic in particular is "why do young women marry older men?" what are the factors that caused them to marry older men? what are disadvantages and advantages to the young women of marrying older men? also what are the risks?
thank you
Gabriel Ani
Papua New Guinea
[Cool research subject, Gabriel. There's a ton of research out there but you're going to have to sift a lot of it carefully to make sure you're filtering out "it's just that way because it's just that way" sort of findings. So good luck. --fl]
well… I do respect all these
Submitted by somewhatupsetgirl (not verified) on Sun, 2010-01-10 10:41.well… I do respect all these people that said in the posts above, that they are in such a situation, and of course those of them who haven’t commented, too. But for myself I always wanted to go into relationships with people who are in the same stage of life as myself, even if that means being at the beginning of their career or being poor: dating someone in a more secure position equals power imbalance, and I just don’t want any of that in my life. And I feel that I can get much more closer to someone whose situation I share.
“I have the latest cell phone, computers, lap tops, GPS and anything else I want. I lived on $800 a month until I married him. When I saw how he spent money, I ended up getting sucked in. At first, I felt guilty, but now I’m spoiled. My husband says he has 4 spoiled kids in the house that he has to take care of, which is to include me.” – that. will. never. happen. to me. i. swear.
plus there is this huge repressive thing in society which tells, that a man stays sexy three times as much as a woman… so going out with someone older would also reinforce the idea, that old men (or worthy, rich old men at least) “deserve” access to tender young ladies, but the opposite is disgusting… that makes one quite uneasy.
And there are also the speculations: if we keep considering normal, that men deserve younger women, and given the biological fact, that women live about ten years longer than men… then having a romantic life in my last decades will be unfairly complicated, and this makes me angry. (of course, I had no idea about the actual kind of lives old people live, but our old days will be different than theirs anyway, because we were raised in different societies).
again, this doesn’t mean that these people doesn’t have a right of living happily in their situations.
(and if I’m into that, I can still roleplay the daddy/lilgirl thing with someone of my age category, who clearly understands the difference between fantasy and reality. :p)
[Very nicely said! And sure, if you were into age play well… that’s the whole idea about making it play! Just like if someone’s into 24/7 D/s relationships doesn’t mean we have to drag all of society into gender roles just to give them a better backdrop for their roleplaying. Thanks for dropping by! —fl]