The word of the day is tapotement: Spanking new attitude

I was beaten as a child and for a long time anything that was associated with personal violence terrified and horrified me. However, I have also developed a different attitude to erotic spanking based on web research.

Figleaf, I agree with your point that physical punishment is not required in the upbringing of children, they are so hungry for love and approval that only loving kindness and a degree of wisdom are required.

I would imagine that erotic spanking is only "exciting" when there is a high degree of love and trust between partners. I also imagine that the practice might encourage some males to become overly dominant, so should be approached with caution.

I have considered for sometime how to prevent/avoid the general decline in interest in sex and passion among married couples and it strikes me that the ability to consider new ideas and the ability to grow in awareness is important (as exemplified by your blog). In this I am not just referring to physical experimentation and knowledge acquisition, but also to a type of spiritual growth. I wonder if creativity and the ability to innovate in other areas of life, such as work and pastimes, are associated with the maintenance of passion. If so, I might be able to formulate a trait-based hypothesis for continuance of married passion....mmmm

[Hi Avalon, thanks for the thoughtful comment. I actually got over my jimmies about spanking after watching fellow soccer teammates and my partner's teammates shake off or outright ignore collisions with hard-kicked balls and/or other players in the heat of a game. The point being that spanking games, like contact sports and unlike, especially, violent assault, are deliberately undertaken rather than imposed. Finally, thank you for your kind words about my writing. I spent a lifetime learning things that weren't even true and you, and everyone else who drops by, are helping me unlearn them. So thanks again. --fl]

um. . . in that situation I think a spanking would be quite alright!

[I can see it sort of like when I prepare meals with hot chiles. People really enjoy even though that burns too, but I'd feel stupid trying to serve it to someone who didn't want it, and I'd be right out of line if I forced people to eat it. Similarly if I seriously associated spanking with genuine correction or punishment I don't think I could contemplate it -- no more than I could serve someone Szechwan peppers just because I was angry with them. But in this situation? Yeah, it would be alright. Thanks, Elise. --fl]

Umm...*gulp*...*swoon*...*thump*

[Aww. Thanks, Madame. --fl]

In that situation I think a spanking would be quite alright ;)

[Thank you, Cat. --fl]

*sigh* Oh, more than alright.

What a hot post, fig.

[Thanks, Mu Ling. --fl]

The word of the day is tapotement.

Thank you for this new knowledge, Figleaf, but to this reader, your post brings to mind another word, verge, which is defined as The point beyond which an action, state or condition is likely to begin or occur..., and is dervied from Latin virga, which means, appropriately, rod or strip.*

The erotic appeal of anticipation is an untapped (no pun intended) market. If I could earn my bread as an editor, I would compile an anthology of spanking erotica devoted to anticipation. Your post would be the centerpiece for Verge: The Joy of the Raised Hand.

*Source: The American Heritage Dictionary

[Oh yeah, anticipation is a pretty crucial part of any kind of sex. I can imagine it's even more crucial to something drama/sensation-oriented like spanking. Goog point, Kochanie. Thanks. --fl]

I believe people's reasons for liking or disliking spanking can be very different. I do not eroticize fear, for instance, so any mental games or drama turn me off. But the occasional sharp little surprise spank can heighten my awareness (wake me up!) so that I enjoy the rest of a sexual encounter even more. Sure helps me regain focus if my mind starts wandering . . .

[Yup, as you could probably figure from my comparisons of spanking to serving spicy food I don't have much of an erotic connection to fear. I do enjoy the drama of role-playing but since, well, it's *role playing* the fun comes from anticipation and expectation. Thanks HP. --fl]

Figleaf,
I've been curious about spanking since I was maybe 6 years old... Don't know why. It's just always been there...

Now as an adult who finally put that curiosity into practice about 10 years ago, for me it is only erotic and not disciplinary...
I think it's just one of those things that you are either into or you aren't -- and some we explore/discover later in life than others....

Happy Tuesday !

Sincerely,
Anne Elizabeth

[I can definitely see how, if you had bad associations with spanking, it would leave you cold, unless maybe you discovered it was a way to *process* those associations. And for others (me, for instance) it's not about discipline at all. Thanks, AE. --fl]

Figleaf, your comment (about unlearning things that have been learnt over a lifetime) on my comment so neatly put into perspective my own journey of self development. I have advanced my "knowledge" of the mechanics of romantic relationships and am now working on attitudes and assumptions. Your blog and the comments of your readers are greatly assisting me in this endeavor. Thank you!

[Exactly! I used to think it was all about technique. It's not. (Talk about something to unlearn!) It's not that technique is unimportant. More like it's insufficient. Thanks, Avalon. --fl

Ooohhh... shivers.... Nothing like the anticipation of intense physical sensation to put oneself in a completely different space. Think that "different space/ subspace" is the most theraputic part of it, for me.

"to bury my face in your hair and whisper 'are you ready'"...

Very very sexy!

[Glad you like the whispering part, Kitty. Thanks. --fl]