Abuse, memory and the unfinished story

If you journey through the blogosphere and visit the ports-of-call known as the sex blogs, and if you read carefully what is written there, you will discover that a fair number of sex bloggers, both men and women, have written about their experiences of abuse: physical, emotional or sexual; during childhood or adulthood. Some observers might scoff and say this is evidence of the victim mentality of modern culture. While it may be true, as one psychiatrist has said, that "the statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas," that may not be case with early childhood abuse or neglect. The act of writing, in the anonymous media of a web journal, may be an essential part of the writer's healing process. The reason why this is so can be attributed to the different types of memory.

In the nineteenth century, the psychiatrist Pierre Janet suggested that one of the most basic activities of the mind was the sorting and storing of sensory information into memory, and retrieving that information when needed. He noted that certain types of sensations did not follow this basic pattern. He theorized that painful events produce intense emotions which are repressed, and not retrieved like other stored data. These memories of trauma are retrieved as sensations: unexplained fear; somatic symptoms of stress such as headaches or high blood pressure; visual images in nightmares or flashbacks.

Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., cofounder and former director of the Mind/Body Clinic of Harvard Medical School explains this process of repression as follows:

Repression can occur because there are two types of memory. The usual kind is called semantic or declarative memory, which is stored in the words through which we recall events. This storytelling mode of memory hinges of the ability to verbalize our experience, encode the memory traces in a part of the brain called the hippocampus, and then consciously fit the memory into the scheme of our existing experiences. Since semantic memory doesn't occur until we are old enough to speak, we can't generally recall much before the age of three or four. We do, however, have memories of that time encoded in a different system that stores images, or icons, of our experience. The early childhood memory system relies on the amygdala, which is also the storage site for emotionally charged or traumatic memories. The icons, or visual representations, do not fade over time as semantic memory does. And while semantic memory falters under stress, the iconic memories surface: whereas semantic memories are linear and rational, iconic memories are timeless. They are as strong today as they were when they were first engraved by the neurotransmitters within the amygdala.

Borysenko also states that "conscious censors," which keep the repressed memories at bay, weaken as we age. So while we may seem to have placed the horrors of childhood behind us, with careers and accomplishments in early adulthood, traumatic memories often emerge, inexplicably it would seem, in the late thirties and forties.

It does not take a major occurrence of a new trauma to make the repressed memory rise to the surface. Something in a current event, even the feeling of acute stress -- a dispute with a boss, a car accident, the nighttime crying of a teething baby -- is an echo which reminds us of the original event, the images of which have been dormant.

Borysenko refers to the work of Bessel Van der Kolk, a psychiatrist at Harvard, to provide the following explanation:

Research has shown that, under ordinary conditions, many traumatized people, including rape victims, battered women and abused children, have a fairly good psychosocial adjustment. However, they do not respond to stress the way other people do. Under pressure, they may feel, or act as if they were traumatized all over again. Thus, high states of arousal seem to selectively promote retrieval of traumatic memories, sensory information, or behaviors associated with prior traumatic experiences.

Because we seek the comfort of the familiar when we relive the emotions of a past trauma, we may inexplicably choose to remain in a toxic or abusive situation, when rationally we should leave as fast as we can. So how do we stop this endless cycle that is controlled by memories we did not know we possessed?

Through therapy, by which we try to make sense of our feelings and emotions with the guidance of a professional. Some trauma victims will repeatedly tell their stories to friends or family, or write them in a journal. Boryshenko gave this poignant example:

When my father, ill with cancer, ended his life by jumping from a thirty-seventh story window, my mother was emotionally devastated. She told and retold her story to anyone who would listen. Some of the family became concerned that the constant repetition would do her more harm than good. But speaking and being listened to heals. It actually changes our neural circuitry, as does touch.
To speak, to be heard, and to be held are basic to healing, as is the creation of meaning.

While the anonymous web journal can provide the survivor of past trauma a medium with which to tell his/her story, and to hear the stories of other survivors, it has an inherent risk. The anonymous reader may be bolder than he or she would ever be in person. Remarks that would never be made if speaker and listener were face to face have become commonplace in the blogosphere. If the listener had to stifle contempt or disbelief in the past, with this new anonymity he or she has no such compunction. And so the survivor may choose to remain silent rather than experience the shame of being questioned, dismissed, or ridiculed.

How does one provide a safe place for the unfinished stories that need to be told? While some blog owners feel that censoring comments may infringe upon free speech, I think there are a sufficient number of venues where caustic remarks and diatribes will pass for wit. Advise such commenters to go there and good riddance.

And if by chance you come across such a story, told by someone whom you know could "never" be your friend, whose opinions you vehemently oppose, take a moment before you compose that witty, acerbic comment. Remember that even your enemy is entitled to this: to speak, to be heard, and to be held.

Sources:
The Body Keeps The Score:Memory and the Evolving Psychobiology of Post Traumatic Stress by Bessel van der Kolk
http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/vanderk4.php

A Woman's Book of Life: The Biology, Psychology, and Spirituality of the Feminine Life Cycle by Joan Borysenko, Ph.D.