The No-Sex Class: no one like you
This might sound odd but to an awful lot of people somewhere between a third and a half of the requests I receive to see the more explicit photos I keep behind Flicker's "friends-category" firewall don't really happen. In fact, quite a few of you don't exist at all. Abby Lee of Girl With A One-Track Mind, with help from one of her friends, explains why
...it's easy - and somewhat expected - to chastise a woman, isn't it? Put the slut in her place if she talks about fucking. So whilst the overall article may have been sympathetic, the subtext of it was that something is wrong with me because I enjoy sex; or because I objectify men; or because I make noise about how the media/society/porn still has a predominantly male gaze. I'd talk about this latter point more, but right now my head is filled with cold (I am still ill) and my friend Bitchy Jones sums it up with more passion than I can muster:
Tell you what, girls, we’ll file all the naked men under gay porn. You can go there and the straight guys will know not to look at that. That okay? I mean, it’s not offensive or anything to mark all porn featuring men as homoerotic. Like women don’t fucking exist as viewers. Fuck. As if women’s only role is to be *in* the porn. You utter cunts. God, sometimes, I really do hate everything in this misogynistic wankfest...
Women want to fuck and wank and come, and have the freedom to express their sexuality in whatever way they choose, just as men do. This is nothing new. But when the sexist double-standard rears its ugly head yet again, under the guise of a derogatory label issued by mainstream media, this basic premise bears repeating, I think.
If you click the "Continue reading..." link at the bottom of this post you'll see a picture of a naked man with his pee-pee sticking up. Conventional wisdom has it, you're not a woman, and certainly not a straight man. Nope. The only people who want to see pee-pees standing up are homosexual men. Sorry to break it to you that way but there it is.
And when you think about it it really is weird. If you were to have me over, get me to relax, get out your camera, adjust the lights, first fluster and then arouse me with direct suggestions or lurid remarks or subtle adjustments to bosom or groin, capture an hour of video, edit it down to three or four minutes that made you wet just looking at it, and uploaded it to one of the blossoming number of youtube knockoffs... chances are inordinately high it would be flagged and tagged "homoerotic" before you could... straighten your skirt.
Because, you see, you don't exist. You aren't interested. You won't click the link. And if you don't like the photo it won't be because I'm not your cup of tea, or because you prefer less explicit but no-less erotic imagery, or because you think I'm being a pretentious, privileged ass (again) -- all of which are perfectly valid reasons -- but because, as a member of the "no-sex" class photos of naked men, even in the context of a blog with a human personality behind it, just does nothing for you. Because you're not a man, you see.
Now the irony, of course, is that the guys (and it still really is mostly guys) who would flag the content you uploaded as "homoerotic" are themselves sitting around their bedrooms or offices, cocks in hand, combing for images of women who, in their dream-their-impossible-dream dreams would be as turned on by men as they are by you. But to them? You're impossible... inconceivable... invisible. And yet so passionately longed for. Weird huh?
Sigh. There I was, thinking I was a woman. Clearly not, I skipped the rest of the post and went straight for the link when you mentioned it.
Years ago I read a book in which one of the female characters was told she had a penis fixation. At that point I decided I wasn't alone in the world, oddity or not. I quite enjoy it :)
[Yeah, like assertions like "98% of men masturbate and the other 2% are liars," claims that not a few, not some, not many, but no *normal* women are visually arousable just doesn't help. It would, of course, be equally wrong to say all women *were* visually arousable since that's not true either. Nor, for that matter, are all *men* visually arousable. All I know for sure is you exist, A, and I'm darn glad I don't have to deny or analyze or worry about it. I can just appreciate you. So thanks. --fl]
Oh my. Something about the shadows on that photo ... what you can see, but also what you can't. And the urge to pull you out into the light. Mmmmm.
Of course, compliments from non-existent people probably don't count for as much as they would from real people.
It is frustrating. A message board I frequent recently had a discussion in which one of the posters claimed that a male chest wasn't sexual. Um, no.
I posted this in response to an article on Bitch PhD about the argument that men are more "visual" than women, that women aren't visually motivated (guess we're all about teddy bears and flowers huh?).
So, um, it isn't like I think you all can't *do without* my explicit prose, it's just good practise I think, on a political and personal level for me to say well I'm not gonna argue and have you shut me down, I'm gonna show you what I mean a different way.
Women aren't Visual...
Is that why I get turned on by the breadth of your shoulders stretching out the fabric on your t-shirt? Why the sight of you doing up your belt in the mornings, bare chested and reaching for your shirt makes me convulse again? Why the colour of your eyes when you are up close and we are breathing each others breath can make me cry? Why I can't stop looking (perving really) at the way my hand looks resting against the rounded swell of muscle at the front of your shoulder? Why I'm eager to steal glimpses of your cock, your impressive hard on when I am touching you, working you, standing near your mirror? Why that makes me groan out loud, or gasp when I see it? Why I crane my neck to watch the way your face looks when you take my nipple into your mouth with an almost carnivorous fervour? Why I come harder when I look behind me and see your astonishing calf muscles miraculously bearing all your weight while you hold my hips and grind into me? Why I always pull your hair back to see glimpses of your face buried deep between my legs? Why we keep our eyes open more often than closed? I don't mean to diminish the other sensual experiences of our interactions, the noises, tactile experiences and smells – the noises of appreciation you make as I stare in wonder at the look on your face while you rapturously turn me on, the feel of your skin when I admire the contrast of my hand against your shoulder, the smell of your cum, the feel of your sweat, your stubble, your muscles, your scrotum, the smell of your hair, your breath…it certainly all works together. But if I weren't visual…
[No, women don't like SEX...ew GROSS! ;p ]
[I know you asked me to remove your comment to another post, FP, and I just wanted to say my reluctance would have been even higher if I'd seen this comment as well. Because what you say in *both* is just so important -- that you can be no-bullshit, dead serious about oppression *and* no less serious about your real libido *without contradiction.* What drops out for so many people is that you get to desire what or who *you desire* and not catch shit for it, not have any "should's" attached, and especially not give in to men's expectations that because of something *they* do *you* have to agree to be their reward for their worthiness. Thanks. --fl]
Well, your last post established I can't logically be a feminist - so I guess I'm now either nonexistent altogether, or what ... maybe a men's rights activist dressed in pink??
Either way, this figment of cipher of a nonperson is getting *very* warm. Gorgeous photo, figleaf!
[Oh you can logically be a feminist, it's just that some people (men no less than women) are ruled by their silly hormones instead of logic. :-) You're wonderfully real, Sungold. Thanks for your kind words. --fl]
Oh, and by "you", I meant "they", the "they" that decide women just *aren't* visual, just *aren't* as sexual...not you, Figleaf! :) (Still unwell and unable to be as clear as I'd like with my writing)
[I sort of figured, FP, though I try not to presume. I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself. --fl]
Very nice... *sigh*. And so good to finally be clear on the fact that I obviously am not a woman. "fuckpoliteness" has said most everything I would say about my visual side, much better than I could. Now, how do I go about getting access to your other fotos?
As always, well written, thought provoking and so necessary, Figleaf. Thank you!
[Yeah, she put it pretty clearly, eh? I'll send you an invitation via Flickr. Thanks, L. --fl]
I am quite aroused by your wonderfully lit photograph and its subject, so I must certainly not be a woman. My not being a woman really does answer a lot of questions . . . except how I gave birth to two children . . .
[Right! So... actually check it out: how many times have you heard someone say that for real? Something like "I must be secretly a man because I like...?" It's sort of the cliché variation on the "in touch with his feminine side" thing people say about men. Like they think there are little secret men or women running around inside our brains. Or something. That and the earth is flat. :-) Thanks, Bunny. --fl]
It's a good thing I'm completely invisible, so I can gawk all I want to at that picture. Yum.
[Heh. Very good indeed. Thanks, Invisibilia! --fl]
Oops, did I just come out as gay?
No, I think not. I just like your pictures because often they are beautifully composed, and this one is actually one of the best in that respect.
I think the way the head of the penis is the only directly-lit part is kinda cool, too.
So, yeah - basically I'm confident enough in my heterosexuality, that I can look at another man's willy without wondering if doing so makes me gay. Makes me wonder if all the other men who have to view it as homoerotic, are just hiding something from themselves...!
[Nope, not at all gay. Naked men might not be your or my cup of tea but neither are they bug spray. Thanks for the kind words, SDE. --fl]