Figleaf's Real Adult Sex

Alex Gibson, guest-posting at The F-Word makes an excellent case for the benefits of feminism for men.

I just don’t know where to start quoting but I don’t want to just say “go read it. So here are some genuinely, literallly random snippets.

The internet abounds with articles taking an apparently humorous look at the kind of things that men and women ‘always do’. One particular list that caught my attention was ‘Courses For Men, Taught By Women’ which included such gems as “Spelling: Even You Can Get It Right”, “The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous” and “Parenting Doesn’t End With Conception”. Of course there was a parallel list for women, but it was the list about men that got me thinking.

Let’s not kid ourselves here: men as well as women are limited by gender stereotypes. The idea of men as stupid and sex-obsessed is an enduring generalisation that is allowed to flourish in – dare I say it – a much more brazen way than the stereotypes about women, mainly because no man ever stands up and says: “Hey, that’s sexist and it offends me!” The problem is, while women are encouraged to reject the ludicrous ideas that are held about them, men are supposed to embrace them.

...

Christ, guys, have you seen what we’re supposed to be like? Looking solely at stereotypes, men do not fare well. I would never dare to suggest that men have a harder time than women in general society, because that’s just patently untrue, but in terms of stereotypes we fail utterly. Male perceptions of women are designed to make us feel smug in our superiority, but the way we’ve chosen to label ourselves should make any man feel thoroughly humiliated and ashamed of his gender.

...

Here’s the thing: men don’t have anything remotely equivalent to feminism. From an early age, women are aware of their gender and what it means for their lives, far more than men are. Feminism encourages women to shed gender stereotypes and consider themselves as individuals. Men simply don’t think about gender. Why would you, when it rarely impacts in a noticeable way on your life? Very rarely is your progress barred because you are a man and it is true that male culture generally does not promote frank and open discussion of such issues.

Many men aren’t feminists simply because it has never occurred to them that they should be.

...

For a man to become all that is good and masculine, he must revel in his own stupidity and inability to function as an acceptable human being. The ultimate goal of a ‘real man’ is to spend his life slumped in front of the television, beer in hand, watching the football and waiting for his wife to cook him something appropriately manly.

...

So what can we, a group of individuals who clearly care about gender equality and despise gender stereotypes, do about this? Granted, it isn’t fair of men to expect feminism to deal with male gender stereotypes as well as female ones, and I don’t for a second they should, but it is a problem that affects all of us. A prevailing culture of stupidity just isn’t good enough for men or women, even if the former often don’t realise it.

And so on. Read the real thing here.

It’s a great post. The “war of the sexes” wasn’t invented by feminists. In fact, I finally realized, it’s quite the opposite. You don’t have to dig too far to find someone under a feminist label saying something harsh about men… but you do have to dig because such comments aren’t that common. On the other hand you don’t have to dig at all to find grievous, outrageous, heartbreaking, and sometimes tragic deprecation of men by anti-feminists! (And “reverse sexism?” Who really invented that?)

He’s right as well that it’s extraordinarily difficult for men to attempt self-examination when all of tradition assumes we’re the ground zero, the fixed point, the sea level, the “this” against which all else is “the other.” For instance when one looks at the famous “85 cents on the dollar” disparity between what men and women earn from an androcentric perspective the only variable is what conditions affect women. If we can haul ourselves off that point for a moment, and reflect that perhaps instead men are paid a premium then men can begin to ask ourselves how much, exactly, we’re giving up for those extra fifteen pennies. And since the answer is more stress, less exercise, less connection to our families, less time with our children, less control over our travel and relocation schedules, worse health, and often an early grave then… the real question stops being “how do we get that for women too” but “why are men subjecting ourselves or anyone else to that? Could it possibly be worth it?” My point, by the way, is not an invitation to rethink pay differences my way but that moving men out of the center of the universe permits such inquiries at all.

And finally, yes, it’s staggering to imagine that the entirety of anti-feminism revolves around forcing women to sacrifice their own lives in order to “civilize” and “pacify” and “order” ours. The stereotypes of stupidity, helplessness, and sloth are bad enough, the stereotypes that we’re bestial, thuggish, and in need of keeping is worse.

The bitter irony is that it’s all so wasteful, not only of women’s lives but of our own.

My one quibble would be that while yes, it’s not necessary for feminism to address men (and in fact, see “women as men’s keepers,” above for why that would be expressly a bad idea) it might be in feminism’s best interest to help. The disparity between men’s and women’s critical consciousness is wide enough that starting to close the gap ought to really catapult everyone along. Which might make it worth it.