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I heard that story. The guy on the run is the baby’s dad, who is many years older than the baby’s mom. So, should he be caught, he’ll be facing charges dealing with the abandonment of the baby and the statutory rape of a young teenager.

But, yeah, I agree with pretty much everything you said. I was kind of outraged when they got to the line about people wanting to adopt the baby. My first thought was also, “what about the mom?’ If the girl decided to stay pregnant and keep the baby, then she should be allowed to raise it (assuming that she’s otherwise not unfit), and she should be given the help that she’ll need to do so. However, maybe it’s just my lack of faith in humanity, but I can’t see many people lining up to adopt both her and the baby. Or even considering it, really.

[Well, except that… here’s the thing, ks — you and I both considered it at least as a problem. And I’ve been considering it as something I’d talk to people about doing, whether the underage parent was a girl with an older man on the run or, as could have been the case with Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau, a boy with an older woman in prison. The point being that while I love children, love being a parent, and love my children, I’m not necessarily attached to the idea that they’re by “my children” I mean my-possessed-by-me. We already know how many “older” children (what a funny oxymoron) go wanting when it comes to adoption… hmm… if I don’t stop typing now this could turn into another post. :-) Thanks! —fl]

I agree with what you’ve said about the adoption offers and norby’s comment about older animal adoptions much like children. But are you jumping the gun a little bit here? The mother is 14 – in all likelihood she has some sort of guardian and has no need to be adopted. There are many reasons as to why she would be in protective custody right now and still have parents.

Is it impossible to believe that the mother may have loving parents who simply weren’t aware of her relationship with the older father? That would bring the question as to the quality of parenting, but don’t all children, especially teens, keep secrets from their parents?

I haven’t heard the story, so forgive any factual errors, but to go ahead and assume that the mother is in need of adoption when there is no mention of her being without guardianship? Unless it is stated, it probably wouldn’t occur to me that she is in need of adoption. I can understand the offers coming in to adopt the baby, because the mother may not want to keep it, as she may not be prepared to raise a child, etc. But rather than look at the lack of offers to adopt both mother and child as something wrong with society, maybe people, like me, assume that the mother already has a guardian and so there is no need to offer.

[Hi Kreger. I was pretty clear in my original text that I didn’t know anything else about this particular situation. And it’s possible I was just reacting to the way the reporter concluded the story with something like “the baby is in the custody of {child services} and the mother is also in the custody of {child services}” which made it sound like they’ve already been separated. And, if separated with prospective adoptive couples circling, it occurred to me how easily she and her child might never be reunited. But anyway, yes, absolutely we can hope that she really does have loving parents somewhere who can parent her and grandparent her children. And one hopes passionately that all other young homeless parents might be reunitable with their families as well. But! If not then I, at least, hope with equal passion that arrangements might be made so they could be fostered without (involutary) separation. Thanks, Kreger. —fl]

I think the other part to this equation is the concept of extended family that Kreger made passing reference to above. Probably much more useful than promoting the idea of adoption of both mother and baby is promoting the value of extended family in our society. It’s an idea that has really gone by the wayside. That’s why there are kids trying to raise kids on their own, inside of benefiting from the wisdom and physical help of older generations of the same family. I’ve always said that if my teenaged son were to suddenly find himself a father-to-be (and yes, it happens in any family, not just in certain families), I would want the mother-to-be to move in with us so that we can work together to bring up the baby. Obviously it’s a model that requires compromise, but it’s one that worked for much longer than our current nuclear family (or some version thereof) that we currently see as ideal.

I’ve a feeling it’s just because people see babies as cute and cuddly whereas the mother may not be and has no “voice”. There’s a similar issue I raised recently because of the case of a missing girl that just isn’t attracting the public’s attention in the same way as Maddy McCann did almost a year ago, for a variety of reasons that seem unacceptable to me. Shannon Matthews is every bit as important as Maddy but the response is just not the same. How many children just aren’t seen through no fault of their own?