Terminology Request: Looking For Good Names For A Pleasant, Safe Activity

Hey Figleaf, When I was a teenager, we called it grinding. Not exactly graceful but I know what I mean when I say that. It sounds better than dry humping, which makes me think of a dog on someone's leg. Making out, kissing and rubbing bodies but not actually having sex is fun fun fun. Now, stop distracting me! I need to find a way to get some work done without connecting to the internet...I guess I want to be distracted ;-).

[Oh yeah, Mag, "grinding" is great! "Grinding through" might be a good phrase too because it carries connotations both of "layers of clothes" and "some kind of completion." --fl]

Frottage? I'm the wrong person to decide what sounds graceful.

More words here.

["Frottage" wouldn't be my first choice but I think it might work well for speakers familiar with certain other languages, and it's worth pointing out that the Wikipedia article has several terms from other languages as well. There's a great definition and some good alternate terms in that Wikipedia article. I'm not sure how, exactly, "Princeton Rub" is supposed to have gay-only connotations but it's daffy enough that I could imagine parents feeling reassured knowing that's all their teenagers (of any mix of genders) were doing together. Thanks, Larus. --fl]

When I was a teenager, this was one aspect of what we called "mashing".

I adored mashing. I miss doing it for hours on end like I used to back then. One problem with being a sensible consenting adult, is that you just don't get to mash nearly as much. If you want to go on, you just do, and if you don't want to go on, you wouldn't be mashing in the first place. Maybe I should bring this up with one of my partners, and see if they're up for trying it again. Hmmm...

[Oh yeah, I *totally* miss it. And yeah, one can do it for hours and hours. And guess what -- we're not alone either. Which is why, by the way, I think it's such a compelling thing to promote. After all, we're also not alone in thinking that it's a shame that as sexually active adults we can just skip straight to intercourse. Which... suggests there's something besides pure enjoyment pushing a lot of us to default towards intercourse, eh? Nice points, Elizilla. --fl]

Focusing on the "fully-clothed" aspect, how about one of the following:

"parelling" (from "apparel")

"robing"

"glad-ragging" or "gladragging"

"kitting"

Any of those coinages help?

[I like "paralleling" quite a bit (hey, Euclid was on to something after all. :-)) Glad-ragging is pretty intriguing too. "Kitting sound like a nice amalgam of "kit" as in the Brit slang for clothes but also the "k" and "t" sounds that evoke the same emotions as "clit" and "cock" and other, similar words. Thanks, SE! --fl]

I have one, but you'd laugh at it. Riffing off of "dancing" is not a bad idea.

[Since I don't mind goofy/harmless sounding terms I might laugh but I'm not sure I'd laught *at* your mystery suggestion, B. Riffing as part of a phrase, as in "hot riffing," maybe borrowing from SnowdropExplodes and calling it "kit riffing?" I think that's promising too. --fl]

ooh, I like kit-riffing, it has a wonderfully dirty sound to it, too!

[Oh yeah! And the great thing, of course, is that there doesn't have to be *one* correct term. Yes, I'd like one *official* term, but after that the more the merrier. Thanks, SE. --fl]

Whatever you want to call it, I love it, no matter what the level of clothing is (lots to underwear to none, though the nude-ier it gets, the less "safe" it gets).

[Oh yeah, it's pretty wonderful. And that's even given that very few partners and I have really *concentrated* on making it the "terminal degree" (as a professor said it in a *completely* different context.) I have to say that some of the best times have been when we were both wearing heavy jeans, so yeah, almost any level of clothing can work. And, as you imply, while the amount of clothes don't matter much, the more cloth the less risk. Which is just one of the reasons I think it's so wonderfully compelling... and worth encouraging in others. Thanks, ZZ. --fl]

I'm with you 100% with this one fl, I remember those heady days when the deliciousness of your desire drives you both to 'kit riff' for hours on end...

And speaking as a lady whose desire often manifests itself in grinding and writhing the seams of clothing (especially jeans) present all sorts of titillating opportunities for approaching climax, and the feeling of a man's priapic state under his clothes only adds to these opportunities.

I think we should start a campaign to bring back this lost art.

[Woozie! Nicely put, Virago, and exactly the sort of experience I think a lot of other people could spend a lot more time enjoying before they move on to trickier/riskier stuff like PIV intercourse. --fl]

So, how are you planning to "promote a reliable, pleasurable, remarkably risk-free alternative to penis-in-vagina intercourse?" Why the request for terms? Are you writing a book? Just wondering.
I was thinking about this and I realized that this idea hardly needs promoting, people already do it a lot. Also, I think that the reason why people don't do it so much once they have started having intercourse is that once a person is sexually experienced, to just grind, mash, or kit riff (whatever you want to call it) and not move beyond that could be kind of frustrating, you know? I think that is the problem with promoting any form of sex as an alternative to penis in vagina intercourse-a good fuck is just so satisfying. Not to say it is necessary every single time, but I wouldn't want to give it up.

[And I'm not saying people should give it up. I'm just thinking that considering the culture of risk, for one thing, and the culture of "going all the way" as a proxy for all sorts of *other* social/psychological water carrying that encouraging something that's a) pretty darn safe, b) pretty darn unobjectionable, and c) pretty darn effective for getting everyone's horny edge smoothed out is worth promoting. As for how I'm going to promote it I'm not positive yet but I'm working on it. Thanks, Mag. --fl]

Hey Figleaf, I know you're not saying people should give it up. Looking back at what I just wrote, I realized that the tone seems kind of harsh and cynical and that's not what I meant. It hard to convey tone in type. Peace

Smith thinker

[Hey, stop apologizing, Mag, there's really no need. --fl]

May I suggest fricatrice?

This rarely used word denotes an unchaste woman (the best kind!) and is a derivative of frication, which is defined as:

1. The action or process of chafing or rubbing the body with the hands.
2. The action of rubbing the surface of one body against that of another.

The origin of fricatrice is the Latin fricare, to rub

Source: The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary

The pronunciation guide suggests a short i for the final syllable, which would sound like the second syllable in practice. I prefer a long e which would resemble the second syllable of the name Patrice. A softer feel on the tongue. After all you want a more sensual word when inviting a lover to a leisurely afternoon of fricatrice. ;-)

[Well *that's* a fun word and anything derived from "friction" ought to be an ongoing source for names. Thanks, Kochanie. --fl]