But Are You Positive?
Dr. Crazy of Reassigned Time, in an excellent post about her ambivalence to the term "sex-positive feminist"
I'm positive about sex, and I'm a feminist, but I'm not uncritical about sex, nor do I think that the label "sex-positive feminist" is one that is altogether positive.
She makes the point that such usage quickly rolls back down into the same trough as other virgin/whore, good-girl/bad-girl binaries. And while we're talking about those binaries, in her own comments Dr. Crazy adds (italics mine)
Actually, I just thought of something else, and I think this gets to the heart of why I resist the "sex-positive feminist" terminology: it effectively reinscribes the link between gender and sexuality, i.e., as soon as you tack the "feminist" onto the "sex-positive" you're talking about a particularly female subject position. We don't talk about "sex-positive men" for example. So a term that perhaps is intended to distinguish between gender oppression and oppression based on sexuality ultimately works further to entrench the link between sexuality and gender for women, not to disrupt it.
Yeah, um, how often *do* we hear about "sex positive" men? Or, for that matter, how often to we expect, let alone request, let alone demand, sex positivity from men? And is asking men for sexual positivity an act of feminism? And if so wouldn't it be perceived as sex *negativity?* (Never mind that *not* asking men to be sex positive would *also* be sex negative.)
I dunno. To me the question of whether or which schools of feminism should or shouldn't be nominated sex positive is sort of beside the point. A more useful question would be...
Can there be such a thing as a sex-positive anti-feminist? Of any gender? I'd say highly unlikely.
Figleaf, I am very confused by your question. OK so, sex positive means pro sex, right? Ok, here's an example of sex positive antifeminists-women who are into domestic discipline who are all about fulfilling their man's fantasies but say on their web site that they are most certainly not feminists. And what about the whole Christian husband spanking wife thing that has web sites that say "yeah ok it is kind of sexy but also biblical and good for the marriage, women really need to be spanked blah blah blah" and they say they are anti feminist (which seems pretty obvious). That is some fucked up shit yet they seem pretty much prosex, not just the men but the women who are into that. So I think they are sex positive anti feminists.
And gosh you know, I try hard not to be judgmental but I wish that those who are into the whole Christian domestic discipline thing would just call a spade a spade and say that they are into pain and that crying can be a release (for some people) and not say that all men must spank their wives because all women need that. What the fuck? If my husband decided I needed a good spankin' you can bet that unless we could talk this fucked up shit through and understand each other, that this marriage is over because no one is going to turn me over his knee to teach me a lesson. But I digress!
[The key is that "pro-sex" doesn't equal "sex positive," not at all at all. (At all! For instance the serial killer Ted Bundy was unquestionably pro-sex...!) As for the domestic discipline types... while I'm able to be sanguine about them in theory I'm *really* uncomfortable with their attempts to project their specific preferences as universals. After all, tolerance of other choices *plus* equally critical tolerance of people *who decline to participate in those choices* is really critical to the formal definition of sex-positivity. Thanks, Mag. --fl]
I've gotten fond of the term "feminist-positive sex" instead of "sex-positive feminism", for the following reasons:
* It's a term about what people do, rather than who people are. It thereby sidesteps the question of "are there sex-positive (non-feminist) men?"
* The implication is that my sex life adapts to my feminism, rather than vice versa. (It's really pretty moot, as anything with a whiff of misogyny tends to be a personal squick anyway.)
Can there be a sex-positive anti-feminist? I think it depends on how you're defining sex-positive. I think it's theoretically possible to be sex-positive and anti-feminist in other arenas - someone who's all for sexual egalitarianism but doesn't think that the wage gap is a problem, for example. (Can't say that I've seen any "equal in the bedroom, gender roles in the boardroom" types myself though.) And I've encountered sex-positive people who don't identify as feminist (though I tend to think of them as such) because of run-ins with other forms of feminism.
(Captcha: "Mr Amusing." Is that sarcasm?)
[Hi JFPBookworm. reCaptcha is a 3rd-party program and I don't know what their algorithms are, but there are enough "coincidences" in language choice that they might have some sort of contextual checking that helps make the word choices more surreal. As for the rest of your comments, yes, your distinction of feminist-positive sex is captures a lot of what I have in mind. I'd condition it to say that while there's probably considerable wiggle room for particulars, in general I don't really see how the Carol-Queen/Ethical-Slut/Planned-Parenthood definition of sex-positive would fit individuals who were actively antagonistic to broad goals of feminism such as consent, such as political, economic, and social equality, and tolerance/respect for diversities of experience and preference. I agree that too many people have an ambiguous interpretation of what "feminism" might mean, which is one big reason I think it's more productive to draw attention specifically to anti-feminism. (See your post on reactions to the "I Love Consensual Sex" initiative.) Thanks! --fl]
I consider myself a "sex-positive" and "pro-sex" male. But for me, these mean that I see sex itself as on the whole a good, positive thing. It doesn't prevent me from seeing pedophilia, rape, etc. as completely unacceptable. But it does mean recognizing that, for example, consensual rape fantasies are OK, even if I'm not into that thing myself. I don't use a phrase like "sex-positive" as a way to be constantly trying to get laid (after all, I was doing that long before I heard the phrase "sex-positive"), I use it to recognize that current attitudes toward sex are causing incredible harm to people on many levels, and at ever-younger ages.