Photo by Flickr user svanes. Used under a Creative Commons license.
Asexuality advocate Ily of asexy beast reminds us that it’s not just closeted, oblivious, or in-denial gay people who “lie back and think of England.”
She also points out just how little public discussion or acknowledgement there is for asexual people…
...and how much information is available once you know where to look…
... and how simple it is to find that information…
It never ceases to amaze me how little is standing between people and their understanding of asexuality. I know I’ve said this before, but like I said, it never ceases. All people have to do is type “asexual” into Google, but if you don’t know to do that, the obstacle is insurmountable. If asexuals are indeed 1% of the population, that makes 60 million of us worldwide. And we can only get 2 people at the average San Francisco meetup? Most asexuals have never even heard the word; I consider myself lucky that I at least had the choice to identify this way. Most of my brethren are still taking it for England and wondering why they relate to Sherlock Holmes so much.
While I sleep, I would like my astral persona to hover over people at their computers in other time zones, whispering, “Type…‘asexual’...into…Google…”
Bear in mind that one of the most crucial elements of modern sex-positivity is
“Everyone always has the freedom to decline.”
Another?
“There’s an absence of shame”
And while we’re at it
“Uses inclusive language”
“Respects unique and individual preferences (what’s true for you or me isn’t universal)”
“Comprehensive definition of sexuality”
Which leads to a final point that Ily is trying to correct through, among other things, pamphleteering in the Bay Area…
“Developmentally appropriate sex education is strongly endorsed”
Having had the experience earlier this winter of mentioning asexuality in class and then, later, having been quietly but profusely thanked. Pass it on.
Submitted by 2080 (not verified) on Mon, 2008-04-14 00:46.
A question (which you're probably not the best suited to answer, but oh well): does asexuality include not having the desire to form any kind of romantic pair bond? Because not wanting sex is a relatively minor deal, but not wanting a partner seems like it might place you much further outside the social mainstream.
There's a lot of benefits, both socially-imposed and practical, to having a spouse or partner even if you don't have sex with them, and I'm curious if asexual people desire partnership or if they prefer to be totally single.
(Or, as I'm guessing, asexual people aren't a bloc and feel different ways about this. I apologize for my snoopy, probably "which one of y'all wears the apron?"-naive questions, but I'm curious.)
[I think Sara answers this with links, below, but yes, the short answer is there are different ways to be asexual including totally squicked out to just never interested. What's also fun is that your not-orientation can be to one gender, both genders, or neither gender. Thanks, Holly. --fl]
Submitted by 2080 (not verified) on Mon, 2008-04-14 00:54.
I also apologize for the sleep deprivation and raving insanity that made me say "not wanting sex is a relatively minor deal." Not in this society...
[Which is exactly the point of acknowledging and respecting it -- you should see the stuff that lands on someone (women more than men for obvious reasons but men as well) when they say they're just not into it. Repressed! Psycho! Brain damage! Must have been assaulted! Denial! Lazy! "Just never had mah luvvin', bebbeh!" On and on and on. And on. And, weirdly, it's one of those areas where abstinence-only people get just as upset as permissive people do. Thanks, Holly. --fl]
Submitted by 2080 (not verified) on Mon, 2008-04-14 05:17.
"Asexual people aren't a bloc" is the easiest way to answer the question, yes ... In broad terms, one of the dividing lines of different types of asexuals is between "romantic" and "aromantic" sorts.
"Romantic asexuals" would be likely to want essentially any of the same relationship-y stuff your average sexual would want ... minus the sex. "Aromantic asexuals" are more what most people tend to think when they hear the word, I suspect -- people who are disinterested in relationships as well as sex. And of course, as with everything else related to sexuality, there are plenty of grey areas.
www.asexuality.org has lots of good information if you're interested (from someone who googled "asexual" over four years ago and has been identifying as one for almost as long :)
[Great information. Thanks, Sara. --fl]