No Gray Area
Heather Corinna, writing at RHRealityCheck.org continues to demonstrate by example that when people say "gray area" they usually mean "poorly lit." She illuminates the "gray area" of "asking for it." (Even better, she does it with a food analogy.)
I'm a very talented cook, and my friends love it when I cook for them. Some crave my meals intensely. If I have a friend over, and I have them smell some fresh basil I picked up at the market, show them a beautiful tomato from my garden, does my doing that oblige me to cook something for them with those ingredients? Have I promised, committed or consented to doing so? Could we reasonably say that if, after showing them those things, they forced me to cook against my will with the rationalization that I "teased" them with those ingredients, that they'd be in the right and that forcing me to do something I didn't want to do was anything but an exploitation and an abuse? Even if I did at some point say I was going to cook, and then decided that I just wasn't in the mood, would it be okay for them to force me to, anyway, because I "made" them hungry, and thus, am somehow obligated to sate them? She said it here.
Look ma, no gray!
Gah! THIS is what our children should be taught in school. That each stage is a negotiation between two people, and there is pleasure along the way, and not always one pre-determined end. I love the food analogy: it works perfectly (plus, I'm thinking of the sheer pleasure of smelling a handful of fresh basil, and the sensuous curves of ripe tomatoes...)
My boyfriend teases me all the time with fresh basil and tomatoes. And I haven't forced him to cook a meal for me yet. ;-)
Brilliant analogy -- particularly with its sensuality. And Z's point is also dead on: sex is always always always about negotiation. And any sort of domination that's going to happen can only happen after that.