And Now We Know Life Begins At Ejaculation When You Buy Condoms!!!
Photo by Flickr user Saifi. Used under a Creative Commons license.
Megan of Jezebel says of Peggy Noonan's Wall Street Journal editorial
"We know when life begins. Everyone who ever bought a pack of condoms knows when life begins." For one, no, Peggy, I don't think that life begins when a man ejaculates, and the science bears me out on that one.
Cool to see more mockery of the right-wing's ultimate "life begins at ejaculation" conceit. Seems like only yesterday I was saying that's the real end goal of the "you poke her you own her" school.
And not to be tetchy or anything but I'm pretty sure if life begins when you buy condoms then Noonan needs to help fast track same-sex marriage because I'm *pretty sure* a healthy plurality of those buying condoms are, oh, say, gay men. And couples where one party but not the other has herpes or other socially transmittable diseases, even if they (sensibly) use pills, diaphragms, IUDs, sponges, spermicides, rings, timing, and/or other actual contraceptives to prevent pregnancy when or if there's a condom failure.
Life begins at... wow. That's amazing. Apparently if a woman doesn't have sex at the time when she is most likely to get pregnant, then she's murdering unborn babies. Further, if she swallows during oral sex, then she's a cannibal for eating unborn babies. And when the fertilized egg fails to properly implant - well, just further proof that God's a serial killer. And if a man ejaculates due to masturbation, then the nearest fertile woman is guilty of not being there to prevent the death of unborn babies. In fact, they should invent a new class of manslaughter: failing to prevent the pre-death of a nonexistent person.
Too over the top or just about right?
[Excellent points. I should be clear that *I'm* the one making up that life begins at buying a condom. Noonan and her ilk are the ones who daydream that it happens at ejaculation. (In fact it takes up to five days, which, not coincidentally, happens to be exactly why Plan B works *up to five days* after ejaculation! Because it only prevents *fertilization.*) Otherwise that's a great list that still only slightly exaggerates their position. Thanks, Nightfall. --fl]
Doesn't life begin when you don't buy condoms?
I'm actually not sure what I think about aborting fetuses that are late-term enough to have developed organs and potentially feel pain, but I'm damn sure not concerned with "saving" every theoretically possible child. This is "Every Sperm Is Sacred" territory here.
[And just to be clear, I'm the one exaggerating their position. But I think it does boil down to their basic supposition that the egg sits just inside the cervix and gets sploshed by semen at the moment of ejaculation and that's that. And never mind that it doesn't even work that way in a petri dish! Even if they don't (yet) go as far as calling condoms abortion they're still out of control. Thanks, Holly. --fl]
Who was it that said that life begins when the kids leave home? I can see where, in a certain metaphorical sense, life begins when you buy condoms (or in various other ways prepare to finally get to do the things you really want to do).
[Interesting perspective, Lynn. And by applying your metaphor I can say pretty confidently that the ability to want begins considerably after one is an implanted embryo, and therefore the "life begins at ejaculation" crowd is *still* way off base. Thanks! --fl]
We are talking of the same Peggy Noonan who coined "embarrassing the angels"...
[That's the one. Thanks, Ell. --fl]