Complications of Failure to Confront Misogyny
Via Jaded Hippie and Being Amber Rhea, Kate at Shapely Prose has a great post about men who go along to get along. It ends with
But please listen, and please trust me on this one: you have probably, at some point in your life, engaged in that kind of talk with a man who really, truly hates women–to the extent of having beaten and/or raped at least one. And you probably didn’t know which one he was.And that guy? Thought you were on his side.
For instance, as a libertine prude I'm totally into the care BDSM sites like Kink.com put into making sure their work is *produced* with consent, consideration, and respect for all parties concerned. For instance I completely trust Calico of Dominatrix Next Door when she talks of her experiences there, and Renegade Evolution is downright cheerful about her participation in similarly "extreme" porn. Nor are they alone, at all, at all. But as a prudish libertine I'm pretty relentlessly concerned that the *audience* for those forms of porn seems to be far larger than the alleged target demographic of men and women educated to the give and take of consensual BDSM.
I'm not sure how to deal with that dichotomy. But as I've been saying a lot lately one way or another, the way to gain respect and acceptance for the former is to figure out how to confront the latter. I have a feeling thought that the Kate's post points in the right direction.
[Note: I'm beginning a new extended series of photo posts. They'll appear roughly once a day, generally arbitrarily attached to the day's first post. Some are entirely safe for work, others not. Nothing in this set is particularly "explicit" but, as usual, if something come up I'll include a notice before the "continue reading..." link so that people who'd rather not see more know not to... well... continue reading. --fl]
I don't think bad people enjoying something is a legitimate argument against it. Pedophiles enjoy children's TV shows, the Ku Klux Klan benefits from the First Amendment, and some people have truly horrible thoughts while watching mainstream porn. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the thing itself.
[*Exactly!* That's the dichotomy I'm talking about. As long as it's consenting, collaborative, and considerate (in terms of safety if nothing else) then there really *isn't* anything wrong with it. (Note: Authentic "revenge" or even voyeur porn obviously violates #1 and #3 if it's uploaded against a participant's knowledge or will.) Anyway, thing is though that whether the *intention* is neutral or not there's polarizing cultural impact that results in a) people like Twisty Faster's triggery tirades, yes but also b) guys like John Bobbitt feeling affirmation. Anyway, I'm not saying folks at Kink.com should *stop* what they're doing, any more than I necessarily think Smith & Wesson should stop making inexpensive handguns or Anhauser-Bush making fortified beer. I *am* saying, though, that acknowledgment *and attempts at mitigation* might make it easier to practice what people enjoy without perpetual risk of condemnation and/or prosecution. In other words it's not about not getting hitty on each other, it's about, say, pushing orthogonal narratives such as collaboration, enthusiasm and not just consent, and, say, consideration of switching *in addition to* rather than *instead of* getting hitty. Thanks, Holly. --fl]
Kate Harding is awesome, but her blog is Shapely Prose, not Shapely Rose.
[I looked and looked at that link thinking wondering why it sounded so familiar when I hadn't heard of "Shapely Rose" before. Doh! I've orrected he ypo. Thanks, P. --fl]
I was really confused about the quote until I did read the whole context. Now it makes sense, and what a great point she makes. I've had trouble explaining even to myself why some of these jokes bother me so much even coming from people who I *know* aren't misogynistic. Kate explained myself to me.
[Cool! Thanks, Monique! --fl]