Vixen of Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen says

Shay at The S Spot covered an interesting subject in a post “Blow, Blew, Blowing” that I wanted to bring up here. She had a friend who felt it isn’t really a “BJ” if he doesn’t cum at the end… “because it’s just not the same act anymore”. She questioned if you could still call it ‘sex’ if there’s penetration but nobody orgasms? Her friend wasn’t sure.

So what do you think? Is a BJ still a BJ if it’s incomplete? Does it need a new term?

Is a hand job still a handjob if no one cums- or is it just feeling someone up? Is masturbation still masturbation, or is it just playing with yourself? Is sex still sex if no one cums????

Read the rest of the discussion here.

Vixen sensibly, I think, says sure. I agree. Because the question is directly about fellatio the following ruminations will be somewhat phallocentric. But a more general discussion would follow very similar contours.

Maybe because I was pretty sexually active in high-school, but… I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have been persuasive to assure an angry parent/teacher/boyfriend/girlfriend/vice-principal/cop/judge/etc. “oh, nobody’s ejaculated so this isn’t a blowjob.” I’m also pretty sure none of the above would have said “oh, well in that case sorry I interrupted… I was just worried someone was about to have an orgasm but I guess it’s all good.” :-)

Who was it, Wittgenstein who deflated the idea there could be one single ideal thing that perfectly represents all other things like it? His example was chairs, where you can have chairs with no legs, chairs with no backs, chairs you can’t sit on (doll chairs, for instance), and so on through every description of “chair” in the dictionary. Well, I think it’s the same thing with “sex.”

Last year I read in a college-level sex-ed textbook that eyebrow-raising number of people won’t even agree that the Judeo-Christian-Islamic-etc. definition of full penile penetration of an orifice, with ejaculation counts, as sex so… I think it’s a better idea to pull back the other way and say anything that one or more people can do, with themselves alone or together with one or more additional people, that gives them a little erotic bounce counts as sex. That could definitely include kissing and might include promising, over the phone, just to hold hands when you meet in person.

The nice thing about that approach is you don’t get silly parsing questions like the “well, I put it in but nobody came so it doesn’t count… except he ejaculated a little while his partner was helping him take out his butt-plug so it does count… except he says he didn’t really feel anything so it doesn’t count… except since his partner’s really into orgasm-denial his partner got off when he said that so it does count…” :-)

Sound definitive to you? As opposed to just saying “sure, that’s all sex.”

To grab a wryly apt analogy from sports if you’re on the field playing it’s still soccer even if no one scores a goal.