Oh, and another excellent point by Andrea Zanin of Sex Geek — again specifically addressing ways for S&M community members to deal with abuse, but applicable way outside that single community.
2. Remember that submissives are not idiots. Anytime the idea of “protecting the poor helpless submissives / newbies” comes up, it makes my skin crawl. It is condescending and inaccurate to think that someone in the submissive or bottom role is any less likely to stand up for themselves than anyone else; any less likely to take proper precautions to protect themselves in the first place; and any less likely to know their limits, know how to defend themselves, and know how to make wise choices. They may be marginally more likely to find themselves in a vulnerable position within a scene, but this doesn’t make them airheads who can’t take a moment to think about relative risk and commonsense safety precautions.
What started out as just ferrying an out-of-town guest turned into an unexpected invitation to a dinner party the other night. One of the other guests was an MPA grad student who, among other things, spent a year as a caseworker working with traditionally underserved young, often undocumented women who were either pregnant or had very young children. She said the same thing I keep hearing over and over again from pretty much everybody who works with (instead of maybe tries to heroically “rescue”) new and prospective teen mothers.) Bottom line is same as Sexgeeks: they’re not idiots. In fact they’re often not just bright but very bright. To the extent there’s a problem it’s more often external to the young parents themselves.
Same with, oh, say, sex workers, undocumented immigrants, the impoverished, and other heavily “othered” demographics.
I might add that there are more than moral or ethical reasons for remembering that othered members of the “underclass” aren’t idiots, there are practical reasons as well. For instance they may not recognize themselves in our descriptions. They may resent our characterizations. And consequently they may not respond to our attempts at outreach… even, once burned, attempts that might actually be respectful and helpful.
