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Men and Mitigating Unwanted, Unplanned Pregnancies

Fri, 2008-11-21 12:47 — figleaf

Following up on a remark towards the end of Echidne of the Snakes post last week about how men should actually work on taking responsibility for our own fertility instead of just fretting about whether women should or should not be able to get an abortion. Since I think that’s a good idea I’m passing along Em and Low Daily Bedpost excerpts from their column about vasectomies in Glamour magazine,

Forty percent of pregnancies are unintended. Yes, some of that is teenagers and you’re not going to sterilize them, obviously. But a lot of that 40 percent are people who wouldn’t mind if the wand of infertility touched them, but something fails (like their planning or their contraception) and they accidentally get pregnant and have the kid.

They said it here.

For the record for all but about three and a half years when my partner and I wanted children I’ve enjoyed the benefit of a vasectomies (and, for those three and something years, the benefits of a reversal) since I was 21. And don’t give me that stuff about young men and their futures — a stereotype-bustingly large chunk of that 40% of unplanned, unwanted pregnancies befall older, long-term marriages who weren’t planning more children. Just saying.

Sat, 2008-11-22 03:20 — 2519 (not verified) #permalink

I think we should be talking about BOTH parties being responsibly for their own fertility. In long term, committed relationships based on trust, one person taking responsibility is not such a risky idea, although both taking responsibility would offer more assurance. However, too many relationships include some element of manipulation.

There are also differences in readiness and desire for children. My ex wanted children within the next couple of years, and I don´t. If I had gotten pregnant before we broke up, it wouldn´t have been that big of a deal for him to have the baby now instead of in a couple of years. Whereas from my point of view, it would have been a disaster and almost certain abortion. If I had left the birth control completely to him, he probably would have been more careless than I would be comfortable with because getting pregnant wouldn´t have been a big deal to him.

Relationships are complicated and wants and desires don´t always coincide. I am happy to talk about men taking more personal responsibility in controling their own fertility. However, I worry about the argument become bipolar…either women should be able to control our fertility or men should just control theirs…

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