Re-Examining Submission and Dominance, Re-Imaging Men

Maymay of Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed, is starting, approximately, a porn site with his sometime partner Eileen. While one might think there were already enough of those in the world his reasons for starting this one are persuasive. (All emphasis his.)

So, here’s the problem: There is not enough porn wherein submissive men are the erotic subject matter.

If you’ve read even a little bit of this blog, you’re probably already well-versed in many of my rants about how paltry the available porn is for submissive men like me (and, by extension, dominant women like Eileen). But the problem is actually two fold. One problem is, of course, that there’s simply an insanely disturbing general lack of the stuff. In fact, it’s so bad that if you Google for the three words “male submission art,” you actually get female submission links littering the first page of results.

This is actually even worse if you go actively hunting for porn with the hopes of finding erotica depicting men who are submissive. Instead, you’re much, much more likely to find erotica depicting women who are dominant. This is actually a major nuisance for a lot of people—including many submissive men, I might add.

Arguably even more frustrating that that, however, is that what male submissive porn is out there is total shit relative to the porn available for other sorts of orientations. In such erotica (unless it’s gay imagery, of course) men are portrayed as impotent, ugly creatures. That is not sexy. It’s also insulting.

He said it here.

The (already, big surprise, not-"work-safe") site is Male Submission Art. The mission statement on their submission-guidelines page says their aim is

...to challenge stereotypes of erotica as it relates to imagery of gender-biased domination and submission. In our experience, such erotic imagery almost always contains images of beautiful female submission or “pathetic” male submission. Instead, we want to showcase beautiful imagery of masculine submissive subjects.

Read more, plus find out how to submit entries if you're interested, here.

Since I reiterated my own frustrations the other day I'm obviously pleased to hear about this site. And I'm pleased not out of some sort of MRA-like plea that "men can be erotic too" but because interest *already exists* and the dysfunctionally, comically-stereotypically gendered nature of porn insures that that interest is *underserved.*

Since I appreciate but don't share May and Eileen's *erotic* enthusiasm for submissive men I'll point out another distinction Eileen alludes to in several of her captions, but especially a comparatively modest one of a young man who's just sitting on a bench counting his toes: it's not that the man has to be actively (note that word "actively") submissive, instead it can be enough for him simply *not to be dominant!*

For all the (entirely appropriate, justified, and important) attention paid to encouraging agency and non-passive consent for women it's also important for men to get over the "no-sex" class paradigm-driven notion that (hetero) sex doesn't happen unless men take the active role. (Even in "Playgirl" style "porn for women" men are portrayed as *actively* presenting themselves... submitting themselves in ways that initiate by *actively* inviting the observer rather than leaving space where the observer can identify as the initiator her- or himself.)

Quick mini vocabulary review: this might be a bit off-topic but since a lot of heterosexuals, men and women, *like* it when the man takes the lead I ought to make it clear that, as in ballroom dancing, one person initiating ("let's dance," "what are you doing later") isn't synonymous with that same person "leading" once the dance... or other activity... begins. Nor is initiating or leading the same as "dominating." Nor does *accepting* an invitation automatically equal to "submitting."

And finally, back to May's, Eileen's and my main point, when it comes to men submission (in either the active, the initiating, or even the BDSM sense) isn't, and shouldn't be, automatically synonymous with pathetic, "effeminate," comical, impotent, or insulting. (Nor, for that matter, need submission automatically imply any of those other things when it comes to women.)

This one's going to be a tough, tough stereotype to overcome, by the way. (It's one place where even mainstream feminism has some catching up to do.) And while it's sort of natural that BDSM folks would be on the cutting edge I think it's important enough that anyone interested in intergender issues can help tackle it.