Ms. Inconspicuous of The Seduction of Infidelity illustrates the difference between BDSM and abuse.

I wail, the pain of such an abrupt, forceful penetration reverberating with pleasure in my body. He teases me, torments me…tortures me. Going hard and deep, then slowing down and taunting me with his words. Telling me how he’s going to take me with no mercy. Take me how he wants me. Take me screaming. Take me pleading for him to stop. Take me until he can’t stand it any longer.

I shiver and shudder in his words, each one sending a delicious thrill through my body.

Then, in a quiet and intense moment of sexual pleasure coupled with violence, I sniffle.

I am used to him turning from light to dark—unleashing a beast when he has come in lamb’s skin—but I am not used to the quick turn the other way (not until he orgasms, at least).

I sniffle, sick and feverish.

“Oh, honey…”

Something in him clicks and all the tension goes out of his body. He kisses me and kisses me, holding my head in his gentle palms, smoothing back the mussed hair from my forehead. He pushes up my blindfold and takes my tied-together wrists from their secured location above my head; instead placing them around his neck.

Read the quote in context here.

I don’t know why lovers play any of the sexual games with each other that we do. And if you’re not familiar with or comfortable with submission and dominance then the story might make no sense at all.

But there’s a difference is that unlike real cruelty or real abuse a game is only a game, and therefore can be called on account of rain, or sniffles. And that makes a huge difference.

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Incidentally it have made more sense for Ms. I to have communicated her illness before her partner came over. The rules of sex safety apply even when the infection is traditionally socially transmitted. Negotiations of BDSM also apply in both directions, meaning that even though she was up for their usual activities he might have preferred negotiating different rules for their encounter. That plus he might have brought some chicken soup.

Update: In comments Ms. Inconspicuous pointed out that she did warn him. My bad. Actually my worse since the aside sort of detracts from my main point and her story. I apologize.