Cartoon by XKCD. Used under a Creative Commons license. Click to see full-size at xkcd’s site.
Jay Dyckman, writing as the single gay guy in Em & Lo’s “Wise Guys” feature Love. And Everything in Between. takes the question “How much younger than them do you think most guys are comfortable dating before it becomes embarrassing?” and knocks it out of the park.
Yes, there is an age too young for anyone to date. But I think it happens only after you hit 35. Any dating combo of two people both under 35 (provided both are over 21…yes, 21, not 18) is probably not a big deal. No one really considers themselves that old before hitting 35.
After 35, all bets are off. If you’re over 35 and you date someone more than 10 years your junior, you will — and rightly so — be mocked (and silently envied) by your friends and enemies for such dating hubris. It will put you squarely in the “oh please” zone. And this goes for both men and women: Dating much younger than yourself connotes a power dynamic that is creepy yet totally gender non-specific. Both sexes look entirely ridiculous parading their toy around, be it male or female. But if you’re over 35, you can date anyone — of any age disparity — who is also over 35. A 65-year-old and 37-year-old? Sure, why not.
This might seem arbitrary but age designations exist for a reason. The good people of corporate America have decided that once we’re older than 35, we are no longer a desirable marketing demographic. That’s real science, people. After 35, big age differences are obviously apparent, but both parties have fully exited the nubile stage so no one really cares. You are no longer hip, cool, or capable of dating someone who had an “American Idol”-themed Bar Mitzvah.
I actually like XKCD’s formula, which one of Em & Lo’s commenters linked to. I’m more impressed with Jay Dyckman’s answer, though. Not least about the way society writes you off past age 35.
For the record it’s not that people aren’t still sexy, let alone(!!!) sexual after 35. It’s just that nobody’s really trying to police you. (Well, there was that bill introduced in Massachusetts to extend child-sex and child-pornography laws to “protect” everyone over 60. 60!!! But in committee it seems to have died the humiliating death it deserved.)
Anyway, Dyckman’s also right that after 35 pretty much everyone agrees you’re an adult and thus capable of making your own decisions. Also, more importantly, of not really caring so much what other people think.
Submitted by 2982 (not verified) on Fri, 2009-05-29 06:30.
I find it funny that, at 29, I'm dating a 24 year old guy, and it seems kind of weird. However, a couple years back, a male friend, then 29, dated a 19 year old girl and thought nothing of it.
By the by, I would not be "silently envious" of a friend over 35 dating someone who was more than ten years younger than them. In most cases, I'd probably think it was creepy, more like -- I remember what it was like to be 21 and having 40something guys hit on you -- yeah, there is the rare "I'm too mature for guys my own age" girl with daddy issues who wants to date someone that much older, and sure, okay, there is the occasional really good relationship between two people of quite disparate ages. But, for the most part? Having someone who's probably the ages of your seemingly safe teachers, professors, coaches, parents' friends, etc., hitting on you? It's disturbing.
35 always seemed pretty old when I was even a few years younger. Now, not as much (or, perhaps, at all), but now that I'm a little closer, those serious, 15ish year age gaps seem even weirder.
[Doh! The part about "secret envy" for a 35-year-old dating someone 21 sort of clanks. What I was appreciating was that if you're 35 you can date anyone *over 35,* which kind of gets over the ridiculousness of objecting when someone 50 dates someone 70 because of some mechanical age difference. (My mom's been dating someone more than 15 years older than she, but she's nearly 80.) 60 years ago that would have been a problem by Dykeman's metric. 45 years ago not so much. Now, not at all. Thanks, TWG. --fl]
Submitted by 2982 (not verified) on Tue, 2009-06-02 01:56.
So, as someone over the age of 35 I can date anyone starting at (ish) 30 and onwards ... but ... I DON'T want to date your average 50 year old man. Some of them are great, granted, but the single ones I see around are lovely wonderful people who I have no desire to date at all.
Its on a tangent, but there's something else to be noticed. On the surface of it (and naturally there are always exeptions to this) men in their 40's will date a woman in her 30's. Men in their 50's a woman in her 30's or 40. Men in their 60's a woman in her 40's or 50's.
What is slightly harder to find is a man in his 30's who will date a woman in her 30's - unless he's in his late 30's and she's in her early 30's.
Oddly, its easier to find a man in his 20's who will date a woman in her 30's.
Its slightly annoying, to be honest.