Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon, ruminating on Megan O’Rourke’s “contrarian” defense against Sandra Tsing Loh’s recent marriage-thumping in Atlantic Monthly, uses a mere sixty five words to refute the conceit that to be effective all sexual relationships must have a “power gradient.” (Italics mine.)

Meghan O’Rourke runs with the idea that it’s feminism that killed marital passion, that real passion can only exist if one person in a relationship is perpetually being treated like a debased supplicant.  One would have to live in an utter bubble to believe that, but I’m willing to introduce O’Rourke to the many couples I’ve known with both the proper gender imbalance and separate bedrooms.

She said it context here.

Because, yeah, feminists invented separate bedrooms. Or, for that matter, twin beds for married couples.

I’m way more sanguine about both marriage and children than Amanda is (I think everybody who wants to and knows what they’re doing ought to be able to do both) but that doesn’t mean I have much patience for people who think it’s just the most sacred thing ever. And I really don’t have much patience for the idea that equality kills passion. It’s not that egalitarian relationships are all beds of roses, it’s just that I’ve never seen any evidence that they’re any less rosy, or lusty, than any other kind.