Interesting conversation overheard at a climbing rock in a nearby park.
Parent #1 mentioned casually that a liver illness while trekking in Asia after college and they’d never really been the same.
Parent #2 mentioned casually that knee and ankle injuries from high-school football meant they’d never really been the same.
Neither parent seemed concerned that either their own or the other’s ailments or injuries had “limited their life choices” or otherwise ruined their lives. They acknowledged constraints (they were opining about how they wouldn’t be accompanying their children on mountaineering trips) there was no sense of stigma, trauma, damage to “reputation,” etc., from their youthful follies.
Hmmm…. there’s a point in there somewhere but gee, I just can’t put my finger on it.
Submitted by 3168 (not verified) on Sun, 2009-08-30 15:38.
Gosh, that's a really good point.
Ironically I think part of STI prevention is making people less afraid of them.
I don't like it when anything is the Worst Thing In The World. It's a recipe for stress and failure to go to school thinking that failing is the Worst Thing, or get in your car thinking that a ticket is the Worst Thing. They're both worth avoiding, but you know, you'll retake the class, you'll pay the fine, it'll suck but you'll live. If you panic and tell yourself the bad thing must never happen because you could never cope, you're going to freeze up, make it more likely, and be unable to deal when it does.
I don't want an STI, I'll take reasonable steps to prevent it, but if it happens I'll get treatment and I'll tell my partners and I'll still be here. I think facing the possibility realistically makes me more consistent about having safer sex than if I went and freaked out about it.
Submitted by 3168 (not verified) on Mon, 2009-08-31 03:31.
Wow. Figleaf, great analogy and open question, and Holly, I think you nailed it. The Worst Thing is something I definitely struggled with as a young woman and have hopefully beat out of my psyche. It's impossible to eliminate all the risks from life, and often the most enjoyable opportunities, to play sports, to adventure, to have sex, to venture anywhere, come with possible risks. It's equally impossible to live life with the belief that you must never EVER screw up. It's crippling and it's a standard that only promotes misery and guilt, and keeps you from growth.
Submitted by 3168 (not verified) on Mon, 2009-08-31 10:24.
Great point. I wish that would have been the gist of my high school sex-ed classes.
An example: The school hired chastity speaker, Molly Kelly. I forget most of her talk. However, I do remember one very clear image she used. Throughout her speech Molly repeatedly dropped an apple. At the end of her presentation she held up the apple she had dropped and an apple that had been set aside. She then asked which we would rather eat, the apple that had been dropped on the floor (repeatedly) or the apple that had been set aside. It drove her point home, and for me at least it made an impact.
I would have been nice to hear something like, "But if you do _______, it's not the end and life goes on."
[Oohhh, I had this realization after reading your Molly Kelly story and now I'm kind of beside myself. You know all those abstinence-only metaphors of apples, roses, even gum and tape? Every fucking one of them is a single-use consumable good. Fucking bouncing an apple into apple sause just takes the fucking cake though. The difference between apples and, oh, say, your body is even if you managed to get bruised during sex you'd *still* recover quickly. Apples, gum, roses, tape, suckers, etc., don't recover at all but they're fucking *things,* not people! $^!#%!#%!#^!#%. I'm awesomely ticked about this, MR. Thanks, sincerely, for setting me off! --fl]
Submitted by 3168 (not verified) on Mon, 2009-08-31 14:55.
FL, Didn't mean to set you off. But glad you posted the sports injury metaphor to get a dialogue going.
[Oh no, MR, I totally appreciated it. The central metaphor of the abstinence-only crowd may have been obvious to others before this -- and it's certainly made me uncomfortable enough to post about it in the past. Your example just finally brought it into focus for me. Wonderfully. Thanks for joining the conversation! --fl]