So lately I’ve been enjoying the lifestyle-simplification blog Wise Bread. They’ve got great tips on deals, on avoiding scams, on reducing fripperies in your life, and just generally spending your time, energy, and money on what you need instead of what you think you need. It’s a nice intention and nicely done blog.
The other day they reviewed The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man by Brett and Kate McKay. It sounds like a handy book with tips on stuff like how to skip stones, to McGyver a fire without matches, to pick out a suit, how to make a wedding toast, how to use jumper cables.
All those are seriously handy skills for men to have. What’s funny, of course, is that with the possible exception of buying a suit those are all skills that both men and women can and frequently do both master and enjoy. And for that matter, to write with authority about since the book itself was written by a man and… a woman!
Actually, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, since the unquestionably manly Chief Sitting Bull, General Tso or even George Washington would have been completely at sea in either Brooks Brothers or Ross Dress for Less even the suit-choosing business isn’t essential to manliness.
Speaking as a 100% red-blooded hetero man, if I was to write such book about genuinely universal manly arts I might include a section on the manly skill of massaging your partner’s sacrum, lower back muscles, ribs, and abdomen when she’s cramping unlatching a baby when both mother and child have fallen back to sleep so you can change the inevitably-soiled diaper. You never see that in manly-man books but they’re great skills that roughly 90% of men could use at some point in their lives that roughly 90% of women probably don’t. And maybe something on the manly art of calming another man who hasn’t figured out there are ways besides trying to pick a fight in order to to boost his momentarily-low testosterone levels.
True, there’s the problem of who’d want to read a three-chapter book… ok, four chapters since there are those (mostly manly) urinal stunts. But at the end of the day there aren’t a lot of other genuinely and exclusively manly things to know… that wouldn’t be just as interesting and useful for women to know. (And don’t get me started on all the things men could learn that are supposed to be the exclusive domain of women.)
So… what tips would you include in your essential guide to masculinity?
Update: Doh! First addition to the list: “How to find someone’s clitoris (if you don’t already know)“ is the most commonly Googled post on my site.
Update: Stasha in comments suggests men need to know how to lead in ballroom dancing. Good call. Strictly speaking I don’t think it counts as a classic “masculinity” thing because it’s something far more often desired of men than expected of us. (Most men I know, even the ones who enjoy it, would say it’s certainly not innate.)
when I pose that question to
Submitted by Mike (not verified) on Fri, 2009-12-18 13:03.when I pose that question to myself, I actually cannot think of a single thing – it seems nowadays that there are very few things that are purely masculine and purely feminine – it’s socially acceptable for men and women to do nearly anything and everything….I’ll certainly keep thinking about it though and will post if I come up with anything unique and interesting :)
Mike
[I’m betting there just aren’t that many. But since I could just have a burr in my britches about it I figured it would be good to ask. If I can get ten good ones then hey, I might actually write the book! :-) Thanks, Mike. —fl]
I’d say learning how to lead
Submitted by Stasha (not verified) on Fri, 2009-12-18 14:13.I’d say learning how to lead when dancing. Dancing itself is another skill both women and men can benefit from (exercise, grace, bonding, sheer enjoyment, etc.) but leading is a mental, physical, and — some might add — emotional ability that is most often the purview of the man.
[It’s true, that’s something that at least by convention, as opposed to biological imperative, men are supposed to do. Whether we’re good at it or not. :-) Thanks, Stasha. I’ll definitely keep it in mind. So thank you. —fl]
You’re right, I should’ve
Submitted by Stasha (not verified) on Sat, 2009-12-19 07:34.You’re right, I should’ve added “For those who enjoy dancing….” :)
[Oh that too. But I think there’s a chicken/egg thing there — if the masculinity myth says men are natural leaders and initiators and all but… then there’s dance where we not only actually have to lead but it’s not natural at all. :-) Thanks, Stasha. —fl]
I have 5 suits.
Submitted by K (not verified) on Fri, 2009-12-18 21:00.I have 5 suits.
I can think of some. 1. How
Submitted by Red (not verified) on Sat, 2009-12-19 00:46.I can think of some.
1. How to shave well: Women if they do shave shave less visible parts of the body. If they have facial hair they pluck it or wax it. (When I see women with waxed faces it actually looks mannish rather than feminine. Normally women have some peach fuzz on their faces.)
2. How to tie an old fashioned bow-tie: Sometimes females do wear long ties (I wore one K-4 in a Catholic school uniform.), but rarely if ever are bow ties used by females except for clip-ons, and usually only in at least semi-ironic contexts.
3. How to remove different types of bras, from someone else, in a non-medical context. (Lesbians can usually figure this out on their own.)
4. How to deal with it when a much younger female has a desperate crush on you, even if she isn’t dangerously forward but still obvious.
5. How to navigate a dating/marriage scene where some women have the more liberated expectations about sharing bills and others are more “old fashioned”. How to handle differences with the latter group without too much rancor.
6. How to avoid being pegged as a menace, if you are around children that aren’t your own for any reason.
You could get several
Submitted by Ozymandias (not verified) on Sat, 2009-12-19 06:41.You could get several chapters out of How To Be Hot, especially if you take into account many women having very different opinions about hotness. A guide to getting the swimmer’s build, a guide to other attractive body types and how to get them, a guide to Attractive Haircuts (And How Not To Get A Mustache That Only Works On Johnny Depp), a guide to waxing body hair (many women don’t like it), a guide to male fashion (not just suits but leather jackets, hipster skinny jeans, hats, and so on and so forth).
Of course, this would all have to be with a big disclaimer up front “NOT ALL WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO EVERYTHING. ALSO, IF YOU DO ALL OF THIS YOU WILL LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WITH FASHION SCHIZOPHRENIA. PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT’LL WORK WITH YOUR STYLE.”
[Nice ones, O! Of course the first chapter for men would be that we could be hot. Thanks! —fl]
Oh, and information about
Submitted by Ozymandias (not verified) on Sat, 2009-12-19 06:44.Oh, and information about vasectomies.
[Yes! There’s some overlap (and I remember a friend saying one of the nicest one-night stands she ever had was with someone who effortlessly and expertly inserted her diaphragm) but birth control options for men is different for women. Nice one, Ozymandias. —fl]
someone who effortlessly and
Submitted by chingona (not verified) on Sat, 2009-12-19 22:40.someone who effortlessly and expertly inserted her diaphragm
That’s impressive! Even I could never get the hang of that.