Ever Notice How Blame the Victim Narratives Reinforce the Myth of Male Weakness?

Robot-Heart has a cool post that gets back to problem with the whole “myth of male weakness“ ideology

“Left to my own devices, I never would have been raped. The rapist was really the key component to the whole thing. I was sober; I was wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt; I was at home; my sexual history was, literally, nonexistent—I was a virgin; I struggled; I said no. There have been times since when I have been walking home, alone, after a few drinks, wearing something that might have shown a bit of leg or cleavage, and I wasn’t raped. The difference was not in what I was doing. The difference was the presence of a rapist.”

Shakesville

It bears repeating.

I don’t understand the contortions of logic people go through to find reasons why a rape victim is at fault for some other person raping them.

You know what is logical? Blaming the person who decides to rape someone else.

Read the quote in context here.

Once again, the problem with blaming the victim (she must have known that sitting at home in sweatpants watching a movie was asking for it!!!!) isn’t that it absolves the assailant(s) it’s a declaration that men are weak, impulsive, hormonal, dictated to by their organs of reproduction, undisciplined, infantile, base, and governed by their animal nature and an overwhelming, instinctive drive to inseminate.

You know what it is? (You’re not going to like it.) It’s saying that rapists are indistinguishable from all other men. Which created an unholy uproar when Susan Brownmiller or Andrea Dworkin or Mary fucking Daly said it. But which passes not simply without comment but as conventional wisdom whenever someone says “well, she must have been asking for it” or “what did she expect?”

If you’re a man and you hear someone blaming a victim for rape why not take it as a personal slap in the face?

How about saying “no, she didn’t ask for fucking anything — a man who knew exactly what he was doing made the deliberate choice to rape someone he believed he could get the drop on under circumstances he calculated minimized the chance of being brought to justice.” I mean, seriously, every time someone blames the victim they’re letting the rapist slide on the low, low expectations their shitty attitude about men’s incapacity for responsibility creates.

To paraphrase The Elephant Man “men are not animals, they are human beings.” And like all human beings men deliberate, decide, and then act. When anyone gets raped it’s because someone deliberated raping them, decided to rape them, and then acted on their decision to rape them.

Remember: it’s not feminists who believe in blaming the victim. Consequently its not feminists who can be held accountable for society’s predators-from-the-sewers narratives about men.

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[When anyone gets raped it’s because someone deliberated raping them, decided to rape them, and then acted on their decision to rape them.] – I could not agree more….good post! I’ve never agreed with the logic that the victim is to blame either and have counseled many victims through the whole “self blame” issue – not an easy process since their own logic becomes severely distorted through re-living the entire ordeal.

Mike

[Good point, Mike, by the way. It’s totally natural for victims and/or survivors to go minutely over everything that might have been done differently — it’s all to easy, therefore, to say “if I’d only not done this, or if I’d only done that instead…” My big wakeup to that, by the way, came years ago when someone pushed a basement window open and took my VCR. I called the cops and while he was filling out the report I said something like “it’s my own fault for not nailing that window shut.” And he said “it’s never your fault that someone decided to break into your house.” It was like one of those movie moments where the camera swings around — it totally changed my outlook. So maybe it’s easier for me to see this as a general problem. Thanks! —fl]

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If you’re a man and you hear someone blaming a victim for rape why not take it as a personal slap in the face?

THIS. Instead of taking the “every man is a potential rapist” statement as a personal slap in the face, like many men do.

[“Instead of taking the ‘every man is a potential rapist’ statement as a personal slap in the face…” Exactly! The way to shift presumption of rape off of all men’s shoulders is to put it on individual men’s shoulders. And before we can do that we gotta stop pinning the blame on the victims. Thanks, Britni. —fl]

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Yes, yes, YES, to all of this.

[Wow. Thanks, Epiphora. —fl]

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Everything you posted here is true. I always love your blog (though I don’t often comment), but this post in particular is exceptional. When I want to explain what the problem with victim blaming is, I will point people to this post. Thank you!

[Thank you so much, Eve. It’s a vague idea that one way or another has been bugging me for decades and I think I’m finally putting my finger on it. If you figure just how fucking much of gendered behavior involves the intense pressure not to look like “you asked for it” I’m pretty sure our relationships might be more comfortable and, probably, open. —fl]

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