Clearing out a backlog of un-posted drafts I ran across this snippet. I’d gotten stalled on it back in November, mainly, I think, because I’d been missing the most obvious point: misogynists also thoroughly despise men!
Jill Filopovic of Feministe gets to the crux of the problem with columnist Chris Surette’s, um, fascinating piece in the Fairfield University “Mirror.” Surette thinks a partner’s “walk of shame” is a feature of sex, not a bug, and in his opinion the greater the partner’s shame the better for the man “responsible.”
The point of Chris Surette’s column is that men bond over sexually humiliating women, and it’s a “victory” when everyone else sees your “victim” doing the walk of shame back to her dorm.
I’m pretty sure we don’t use words like “victim” to talk about women who engage in consensual sex.
Well, unless your head is buried so far up the ass of the bogus Two Rules of Desire you can’t comprehend that the mere fact of having sex with you isn’t automatically humiliating
Rule #2, you’ll recall, is “It is simultaneously inconceivable and intolerable for a man to be sexually desired.”
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Y’know, they say feminists hate men, right? But what is this guy Surette and his demographic saying about men?!?!?!?
They say feminists are the ones making it hard for college-age men to get laid? Who’s doing more to police women’s sexual activity
I mean, seriously, the fact that someone like Surette is still walking around with a full set of teeth refutes at least one common stereotype about men solving their problems with violence. If I imagined myself a “Pickup-Artist” in the “Seduction Community” I’d think one way to improve the overall odds of getting laid would be to go all Mary Daly on anybody who sneers at women for… being actively heterosexual?!?
I use the term “walk of
Submitted by The Beautiful Kind (not verified) on Sat, 2010-01-23 15:10.I use the term “walk of shame” very tongue in cheek, for when I drive home all disheveled and covered in pecker tracks. So yeah, I’ve repurposed it.
[If I thought there was a chance anything like the majority of people feel the way you do I wouldn’t worry about it, my dear. :-) Thanks, TBK. —fl]
I’ve hear women use it to
Submitted by PattyCake (not verified) on Sat, 2010-01-23 16:16.I’ve hear women use it to refer to men, too, as in, “Hilarious, I got him to do the walk of shame in my pink sweatshirt.”
Man, I always just called it
Submitted by Holly Pervocracy (not verified) on Sat, 2010-01-23 18:20.Man, I always just called it “walking home in the morning.” Kind of pleasant actually if the weather’s nice, I tend to get up earlier than usual and there’s a crispness to the morning and a nice freedom in being one of the only people out on the street early on a Saturday or Sunday.
I don’t think Surette is trying to discourage women from sex, actually I think that’s accidental, because what he’s really doing is assuming that women can’t read.
[Yeah, I see the appeal of assuming he’s a superior jerk and/or abusive. (Which is sort of how Jessica was spinning it in parts I didn’t excerpt.) My very strong feeling, though, is that they hope it’s seen that way too! Better, and I think more devastating, is to call it what it probably is: self-hating and insecure, anxious as hell about sex, ashamed of their own urges, possibly even trying to reassure themselves and (especially) their friends and frat buddies they’re really straight. (That last sounds trickier that I intend it: it’s not that I think they’re closeted and trying to pass, though that surely happens sometimes. Instead I think a lot of “bonding” involves straight men’s fear that they might accidentally “turn” gay and/or that other men might mistake them for gay. Homophobic, yeah, but if they weren’t homophobic I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want to make sure their friends knew.
And yes, “walking home in the morning” is a great name for it. Except when it’s “staggering blindly towards the nearest open coffee shop.” That can be pretty rough. But not, of course, because of where you’ve been or what you were doing previously. Thanks, Holly.
In my opinion, having sex
Submitted by Mike Howell (not verified) on Sun, 2010-01-24 11:58.In my opinion, having sex with Surrette WOULD be humiliating; not because he’s a guy, but because he’s Surrette. Even if one would enjoy the trip home in other circs, there’d have to be some trepidation about having anyone see one exiting that particular door.
Just sayin’.
Mike
[Also very true. Though that only reinforces my point. :-) Thanks, Mike. —fl]