Posted by figleaf
| Tags:
Sat, 2010-03-27 11:21
In her introduction to Feminism is for Everyone bell hooks mentions that her mother was the most patriarchal person she ever knew. But even though it’s unlikely the words “just wait till your father gets home” were often spoken by a 20th-Century man this isn’t about “but women do it too.” It’s about how deeply that conditioning goes.
You could spend all afternoon unpacking the gender assumptions, the disempowerment, the paradoxes of traditional “wisdom” (who’s supposed to be the authority in the domestic and child-rearing spheres?) and still not reach the bottom.
Discuss.
I can’t imagine these words
Submitted by colorlessblue (not verified) on Sat, 2010-03-27 12:31.I can’t imagine these words being said in any way that doesn’t carry some venom and satisfaction that the child will get a punishment worse than anything the mother would do. I also have some impression that it’s related to a religious image of the man as the one who wields the rod. When Betty said it to Bobby she meant Don was going to beat the boy bloody (and Don refused). When my mom said it to me when I got a tattoo she meant I was going to break his heart and disappoint him forever. In my family she’s the one with the childrearing responsibility and dad is the softhearted with poor relationship skills and a career that keeps him away from home for months, so even when he wants us to know something he tells her to tell us. And then she resents having to play bad cop.
I can understand that in a
Submitted by Holly Pervocracy (not verified) on Sat, 2010-03-27 12:56.I can understand that in a personal sense, because I was (and am) much closer to my father than my mother, so my mother being angry was something I could deal with, but my father being disappointed was far more painful for me.
But I realize that’s a pretty personal thing and not how the threat is generally understood.
Never heard of that one. And
Submitted by Nightfall (not verified) on Sat, 2010-03-27 14:05.Never heard of that one. And I can’t imagine my mother ever saying that. Partly because it’s not in her nature to willingly defer to anyone else for anything, and partly because the most reaction that I would expect out of my father would be an expression of mild disappointment – and then him going off to watch TV or something.
Actually, I got that a lot.
Submitted by Oriscus (not verified) on Sat, 2010-03-27 16:28.Actually, I got that a lot. And i dreaded it, not so much because my dad would get the belt out – he did, but for the agonized look in his eyes.
The “this is gonna hurt me more than it will you” line actually seemed true.
Momma was glad we straightened up (or, in my case, got sneaky). Didn’t think Dad could take much more of it. Disappointed her a little, since it didn’t seem to work in the linear way she thought it ought to have done.
In psychology class, “Wait
Submitted by Ms.Inconspicuous (not verified) on Sun, 2010-03-28 07:24.In psychology class, “Wait until your father gets home,” was held up not as an example of gender inequity, but as an example of how to create your own little homegrown antisocial personality disorder. The concept of delayed punishment for a child is like kicking a puppy two days after it wets the carpet; the disassociation with wrongdoing, and the ever-present weight of punishment without that association can create a detachment from guilt altogether. One does not still have the immediate realization of what they’re being punished for—so what does it matter what they do and do not do?
It was always the opposite
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 2010-03-30 05:24.It was always the opposite for us. When my mother was working night shift, I remember my father forbidding my sister and I from doing the dishes after supper when we’d misbehaved – because when my mother got home from work, she’d see the mess in the kitchen and we’d be doubly in trouble. I guess he thought it was funny to see his kids on their knees begging him to be allowed to clean up.
My kids don’t listen to my
Submitted by Nobilis (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-02 00:38.My kids don’t listen to my wife, who is disabled. They’re early teenagers, and they don’t give her any credibility because she has no physical power.
Even though neither of us ever hit them or physically coerce them, the fact that I have the capability to do so where she does not, seems to give my words weight.
And she’d rather rail at them for hours than invoke my power when I’m not there.