Summary: This is about asking anti-feminists to take responsibility for the (low!) expectations they set for men. Low expectations in general. Low expectations about sex and violence in particular.
Chally of Feministe takes a look at a survey (from Australia but even so) called the “National Community Attitudes towards Violence against Women Survey 2009.
There are lots of disturbing findings in this survey: 38% of men and 30% of women said that ‘rape results from men being unable to control their need for sex’
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Today, I want to talk about the notion that domestic violence – any violence – is excusable.
First, there’s one big question: who is doing the excusing? I find the notion that anyone other than the person subject to a crime can do any excusing – or forgiving or anything along those lines – to be deeply wrong.
Even if excusing someone else’s violence wasn’t wrong (it is) it would still be a tremendous insult to the person, let alone class of people, one was making excuses for.
And not to put too fine a point on it but it ain’t feminists who are claiming men are such miserable, poor-impulse-controlled animals that there’s just no stopping the poor little things. Instead it’s, well, and I know this must be embarrassing for them, but it’s generally the same sort of people excusing “innate” male violence and sexual incontinence who leave no latitude for, say, mollycoddling excuses and forgiveness for whatever local ethic, religious, migrant, or economic demographic that’s currently on the outs.
Weird huh?
It’s like it’s condescension or enabling when conducted down the privilege gradient, but, like, affectionate admiration when conducted up the gradient.
Problem is that once you get that people are people, no matter where on the privilege gradient, then you also get that condescension’s always an insult, in either direction.
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Won’t somebody, somewhere ever start unpacking that whole “men being unable to control their need for sex” business anyway? Five minutes with your hand in your lap takes care of anybody’s need for sex. What’s left over after that are entirely different needs. And, sorry, we don’t go getting random strangers drunk so we can joyride in their cars while they’re passed out. And we don’t threaten our tennis partners with violence unless they either play with us to begin with and/or unless they let us win every game. And we scowl on those who accost us in parking lots claiming to “need $20 for gas so they can get back to” whatever distant exurb they claim they’re from. And yet people are willing to give men a pass for drugging, pressuring, threatening, lying to, insinuating, or otherwise leveraging women for sex? Hello! And these are the people who imagine feminists hate men! With “friends” like that…
