Following up on my previous post, it felt really good to run, by the way. It always used to hurt but after a couple of serious attitude adjustments and a couple of tips from friends I started up again a couple of weeks ago. Today I made it all the way around a nearby lake for the first time in maybe 10 years. Felt really good to run. But it also felt really good to relax and unwinde in the aforementioned comfy chair in the aforementioned brilliantly sunny, quiet office.
My big epiphany this evening, by the way, is that sex feels really, really good but it’s not the only activity, not even the only physical one, that feels that way. And now eight or ten hours after running I’m still feeling a warm endorphin rush. Eight hours after even the best sex and I’m… mostly ready for more sex.
Again, that’s not to say sex isn’t pretty darn nice, and I’m actually a little worried that you’re going to read this and say “he’s saying sex isn’t that great.” But it is great. It’s just there’s other stuff that’s really, really great too. And I think, or at least I’m considering, that we overweight sex with so much other significance that we (ironically) feel guilty and/or crazy and/or maybe even “kinky” about admitting there could be anything that could compete with it. :-)
p.s. The shower afterwards felt pretty darn good. So did washing my hair… and so does when someone else washes your hair… and so does…
Well, you tell me the things that comes close to, well, coming for you.
DUDE are you submitting to
Submitted by The Beautiful Kind (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 00:15.DUDE are you submitting to the NY Sex Blogger Calendar? You totally should. I know, it’s a little late for me to suggest it since the deadline is May 1. But wow your shots are so sexy. I wonder how many male sex bloggers are submitting.
And there is one food I might – MIGHT – take over sex – Ethiopian. I practically squirm out of my seat when I eat the vegan platter.
Glad to see you back,
Submitted by Ivey Lane (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 05:31.Glad to see you back, Figleaf!!
It’s not disloyal at all to admit there is more to life than sex, just as its disingenous to say that sexual enjoyment doesn’t matter all. What I like about HNT and your blog specifically is that it presents a well-rounded, total human being as opposed to the “desexualized intellectual” or the “limited to his/her genitals” standard sex-blogger.
Part of the problem is, I think, that most of the people on the web who talk about sex, particularly thier own, is that it’s carved out from the rest of thier life. I’m sure for some folks it really is that all consuming but for most of us, it’s simply a matter of separating ourselves — privacy, family, jobs, etc., etc. — so that we all seem seriously disproportionate.
Anyway, the sweaty, post-run shot is absolutley hawt! And sex-ay! Thanks for making a girl’s day. I’ve missed seeing those legs! :)
There is just something about
Submitted by Margaret (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 07:02.There is just something about having someone else wash your hair, huh? I should get the Man to do that again.
:)
peace…
I couldn’t say that I’d
Submitted by Holly Pervocracy (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 09:06.I couldn’t say that I’d rather run (or anything) than sex, but… I could say that I’d rather run and have sex than have sex all the time. You the only thing I’d consider “better than sex?” Having a varied and active life of which sex is one part. That’s what I aspire to.
I’d have to agree with ya,
Submitted by Mike (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 09:15.I’d have to agree with ya, but I’m a bit biased as a daily runner.
I also vividly remember the euphoria that I got from barefoot waterskiing when I was younger, but I have not been able to do that for a few years now.
Good for you getting back to it!! It will get easier and even more enjoyable as you go on!!
Mike
It’s definitely blissful to
Submitted by Sungold (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 10:37.It’s definitely blissful to be in the flow of making music, writing, even teaching – that space where I know and feel that everything is right, and my whole self is engaged in something I love and do well.
Meditation. Very dark chocolate. The aroma of lilacs in my back yard.
But I wonder about the wisdom of comparing any of these things. Yes, they’re all embodied experiences that give us a chance to transcend the everyday. But why rank them? I know very well that you really like sex, figleaf, but why title the post “some things that feel better than sex”? Is it just that those other things can be done on our own, without a partner, whenever we feel moved? Because the only reason for ranking that I can see is the intense pressure to sublimate our libido into other projects, whether that pressure comes from society or a reluctant partner (or both!).
Also: “disloyal” to whom or what? To one’s partner? To some cartoonish archetype of a “sex blogger” as someone who only things about one thing? It’s totally clear that you’ve never been that guy.
As for the overloading of sex, I think it’s helpful to distinguish between generally harmful aspects of this (e.g., a woman’s “purity” or experience or looks determine her worth) and benign or potentially enriching ones. I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all to see sex as an expression of love, for instance. It’s toxic to say that sex must always be wedded to love, but the potential for deeply connecting with someone – and not just getting off – is a pretty important one. Otherwise we’d all be perfectly content with masturbation.
From my perspective as a woman, I’m also wary of playing down the importance of sex. Much of my time is spent in ordinary activities that give me deep satisfaction – mothering, reading, writing, teaching, discussing – but their rewards are pretty different than the pleasures of sex. We’ve spent over 10,000 years subordinating female sexuality to patriarchal imperatives, and only about the past 40 trying to claim it as valuable and autonomous (unless you count Victoria Woodhull, which would bump it up to 140 years). Calling sex just one pleasure among many – and suggesting it may be fungible – denies not only the particularity of sexual pleasure but also neutralizes the radical potential of unfettering women’s sexuality. (And yes, I might be overloading it a bit, myself, but I also think it’s true that people can’t be truly free if they’re sexually repressed.)
And as for the endorphins lasting eight hours – well, being ready again for sex after eight hours isn’t a bug. It’s a feature. :-)
Things That Feel Better Than
Submitted by ozymandias (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 15:29.Things That Feel Better Than Sex:
1) Performing in front of a live audience. Even if you’re just tech crew and not actually on stage, best feeling in the world.
2) The first bite of food after you haven’t eaten all day.
3) Reading really good poetry out loud and letting the sounds sink into your skin.
4) Dancing to your favorite band playing your favorite song.
5) The moment when you’re writing and you say exactly what you meant to say.
6) Buying the perfect gift for someone on no occasion, just to see them smile.
7) Giving too much money to a busker or in the tip jar.
Hit send too soon… 8) The
Submitted by ozymandias (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 15:31.Hit send too soon…
8) The smell of rain and squelch of mud between your toes on a drizzly Sunday morning after you just slept in, when you have nothing to do and forever to do it in.
9) The smell of hot tea. Sometimes I just have to breathe it in before I can sip it.
10) New books. The smell, the paper, the heft, the way you don’t know what’s inside, that this could be the book that changes your life.
Depends how you’re defining
Submitted by TsaphanBabe (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 17:13.Depends how you’re defining sex. There’s a heck of a lot of my sex life that might seem to an outsider to have nothing sexual about it.
But, of course, all of life’s sensual pleasures sometimes top one or the other…
What a pleasant surprise.
Submitted by chingona (not verified) on Fri, 2010-04-16 21:30.What a pleasant surprise.
Better than really good sex?
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 2010-04-18 13:33.Better than really good sex? The kind that you can’t keep still or a coherent thought?
Not much.
But then, that’s really rare. Better than average sex? A lot.
“Well, you tell me the things
Submitted by tepid (not verified) on Thu, 2010-04-29 05:33.“Well, you tell me the things that comes close to, well, coming for you.”
A super itchy bug bite under the deluge of a shower. It’s eye-rolling near-orgasmicness.
http://tepidnfrumpy.blogspot.com/2010/04/hnt-southern-comfort.html
A really great non-sexual massage and/or acupuncture session.
Having dinner guests when your ENTIRE house is truly company ready.
[“A super itchy bug bite under the deluge of a shower.” Oh my yes! Scratching a three-day-old bee sting. And getting your scalp scratched with one of those weird wire thingies or by someone with long fingernails. Good calls, Tepid. Thanks! —fl]