Following up on my previous post on the urban mythos/pathos of cuckoldry, Razib Khan mentioned another group besides the furiously bitter “I poked her so I should own her” MRA crowd that’s evidently fascinated with misattributed paternity.
Yes, I’m making a normative assumption here that if you’re male you should be displeased if you find out that children whom you assumed were your biological offspring turn out not to be. If, on the other hand, you think it’s fun and adds more zest to your life, you’re just kind of weird. Sorry if I sound prejudiced, but I know that the cuckold community is going to link to this post, so I’m hoping you guys don’t start leaving angry comments for disabusing you of your fantasies, as has occurred before when I post on this.
Value judgments notwithstanding it’s interesting that people are kinked about cuckoldry and/or “hot wife” fantasies would have challenged Khan in previous posts. And without casting judgment of my own I’m fairly mystified by that particular fetish. Nancy Friday gave the fetish an entire chapter back in the 1980s in her book of male fantasies Men in Love. She took brief but unpersuasive crack at an explanation. I think it might have something to do with the male worthiness trap, where the idea that a partner’s interest in someone else holds out promise that she might be interested in one’s self. But I dunno. If you’ve got insights and/or experience comments are open. I’m all ears.
I can’t claim to understand
Submitted by Lynn (not verified) on Tue, 2010-06-22 07:07.I can’t claim to understand it, but this is what I know and what guys I’ve known who were into being cuckolded have told me. These men are turned on by being degraded and emasculated. Notice how cuckolding fantasies always allow the man being cuckolded to KNOW in some way that it’s going on, preferably with the man being cuckolded forced to watch it happen. They think they should be cuckolded, that it’s an expression of how unworthy they themselves are.
These men yearn to be allowed to NOT be men. Besides their general, pervasive feeling of being beneath everyone else (mind you, to them this is a comfortable feeling) they want also to be free of masculine stereotypes. They want to be free to feel physically weak, wear non-normative clothing, have less expected of them, not have to lead, and so forth.
I suspect that in its way, cuckolding is a freeing experience for the men who are into being cuckolded.
(Conclusion: I don’t think it has anything to do with the male worthiness trap, sorry)
[Interesting. I’ll defer to your more recent experience. Back in the day a lot of fantasies I read about were more voyeuristic and/or “testing” with overtones of confirming their partners were still “hot” to anybody else. But I think back then men were way more reluctant to admit to getting off on submission and/or humiliation. As for emasculation… I gotta post more about that. Talk about gendered assumptions! Sort of like “forced feminization” the idea that things make you “less of a man” are just… like… I mean, in the real, physical, biological world how do you even make a man less of a man in the first place unless, like, you somehow erase his chromosomes or something? You’re really just a man who’s into submission or humiliation or wearing women’s clothes. A huge disappointment if that’s their kink, and I really shouldn’t judge, but… Thanks for the insight by the way. I appreciate it, Lynn. —fl]
Yeah, I’m confused by it too.
Submitted by Lynn (not verified) on Fri, 2010-06-25 13:06.Yeah, I’m confused by it too. :p
These gendered assumptions I’m referring to aren’t my own, but the way a lot of these guys think.
And since you bring up “forced” feminization (tip to closeted crossdressers: it’s not forced if you beg to be forced)... These guys are curiously capable of believing both that women are utterly superior to them AND that being “forced” to dress in women’s clothes is the most degrading thing possible. Simultaneously.
“But wouldn’t wearing women’s clothes, if women are the ultimate superior beings, therefore be…empowering?” I’ve asked. Then these dudes fall all over themselves explaining that it’s like when you dress a pet in a costume. To which I say: whatever.
There are definitely interesting sexual identity questions involved, I’d reckon. Sometimes these guys are, for some reason, somewhat uncomfortable with their gender or with what it “means” to be a man, yet identify with women only as the culturally-ingrained unattainable “other.”
Well, I’m female, but I kink
Submitted by shadowedge (not verified) on Wed, 2010-06-23 11:12.Well, I’m female, but I kink to my partner having sex to other people, some times especially so when I’m not around.
It’s an actual turn on for me. I haven’t spent a ton of time trying to analyze it, but I do think it has to do with sharing, and (since it only happens with permission, which makes it not quite the same as cuckolding, from what i understand) the idea of giving a fun experience to my partner.