Along the same lines as my previous post, here’s the answer I submitted a while back for this week’s Em & Lo’s Wise Guys feature. The question was “What’s the best way to turn down a guy who you’ve been on a date or two with, but don’t want to go on any others?” My answer?

The most gracious way is also maybe the most practical. You want to say some variation on “I wouldn’t have gone out with you the first time if I didn’t like you. I wouldn’t be saying no now [i.e. instead of just disappearing] if I didn’t respect you.” The point being to make it clear it you didn’t make a mistake saying yes the first time, and that not being a perfect match for you doesn’t make him a loser. That’s the gracious part.

The practical part is that men start learning as early as fairy tales that we have to be persistent, to never take no for an answer, to strive and achieve, and if we just work at it long and hard enough we’ll always “win over” the reluctant girl in the end. Letting him down with ego intact makes it less likely that he’ll try redoubling his effort to win you over. If he can walk away feeling respected he’ll be more likely to respect both you and your decision.

I said it here.

If only I’d figured that out years ago. That and understanding you should probably say the same thing to a woman you didn’t want to go on a 2nd or 3rd date with.

Sigh.

The other wise guys’ answers are pretty good too, as are the comments.