In my broader social environment where there are fairly decent numbers of professional women heads of households and either lower-earning or outright stay-at-home men anyway, I’ve noticed that the phenomenon currently known as “male mid-life crisis” might instead be an artifact of structural advantage and/or senses of stress, frustration, or entitlement, or even existentialist despair.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not disputing the characterization of male mid-life crisis. It’s at least historically apt. But historically the distinction between “male” and “primary breadwinner” was effectively nil.
To the extent that continues to change… to the extent we begin to see more heterosexual couples in households where there’s not just income and status parity but reverses of the historical norm… I think you’re going to see a shift away from certain assumptions we make about behavior we’ve historically assumed to be gendered male or gendered female.
The behaviors we’ve been (correctly!) attributing to male gendered behavior is perfectly apt. But, I’m going to argue, that’s much more because that’s how we’ve tended to construct it: as male behavior! What I’m going to say is you’re still going to see the same behavior. And in households that conform to social expectations about “male” breadwinner and “female” domestic partners I think you’re going to keep right on seeing those things. And, face it, that’s going to continue to be the majority experience at least until the boomers pass on. But in households where the “male” breadwinner happens to be a woman… I think you’re going to see the same behavior in those households as well.
If you’re skeptical that’s fine. I think, though, that you’ll agree that if there haven’t been enough counterexamples to support my claim there’s… also not been enough counterexamples to… support your counterclaims.
My currently still-anecdotal but perhaps more finger-on-the pulse experience makes me pretty sure I’m going to turn out to be right — that many of the virtues and vices of domestic roles that we construe as gendered are instead structural dynamics and comparative advantage.
We’ll see.
Wait, wut? Mid-life crises
Submitted by Plymouth (not verified) on Mon, 2010-09-06 22:37.Wait, wut? Mid-life crises are a male thing? Since when? I’ve never heard such a thing. I thought everyone had them. It’s all about realizing life opportunities have passed you by and youth is fading and that was never a male thing ever. Everyone had missed opportunities and fading youth. I’m confused. I mean, sure, women are probably less likely to deal with it by buying a sports-car, but beyond that? What’s the difference supposed to be?
This feels like another one of those “men are from mars, women are from venus, and plymouth is from saturn” moments.
Nah, you’re right that we’re
Submitted by figleaf on Mon, 2010-09-06 23:47.Nah, you’re right that we’re all from Earth, Plymouth. And while I wasn’t thinking specifically about sports cars I did mean I thought the traditional manner of expression is more about, well, who’s got the money and/or sense of detachment to think they can afford such gestures.
fl
I’m scratching my head about
Submitted by Sungold (not verified) on Tue, 2010-09-07 22:05.I’m scratching my head about what falls under the banner of midlife crisis. Buying a Maserati? Having an affair? Discovering cybersex? Taking up surfing? Or just realizing that one’s life is running along a track, and any deviation would mean a painful, violent derailment in which others – loved ones – will also get hurt?
Hi Sungold, I’m thinking
Submitted by figleaf on Tue, 2010-09-07 23:40.Hi Sungold,
I’m thinking specifically about the whole sort of “my life is empty, my stay-at-home spouse is old and boring and concerned only with domestic stuff, and so yeah, I’m looking at an affair, a new apartment, request for divorce, etc.” Followed, very often, by a discovery that the grass isn’t greener, a general freakout, and then a sometimes groveling attempt to return.
That at least used to be the province of “breadwinner” men. It’s not that “homemaker” women didn’t have their version. It’s that even though I don’t think it was as well discussed in popular culture, it’s that previously, at least, it was a different version. Anyway, all I’m really saying is that I’ve notice a pattern in women “breadwinners” that corresponds more closely to the stereotypical men’s version. And that if what I’m seeing is anything like a trend it suggests the behavior is probably less gendered and more situational.
Hope that helps,
fl
I don’t do astrology except
Submitted by Dw3t-Hthr (not verified) on Wed, 2010-09-08 10:35.I don’t do astrology except as useful metaphor for concepts, but in astrology there’s something called the “Saturn return”, which basically falls when the planet Saturn is where it was in the sky when you were born. So, every 27-28 years, I think.
So the “mid-life crisis” is what an astrologer would call the “second Saturn return” – the first one being stereotyped as the “OH SHIT I’M TURNING THIRTY” freakout that … a lot of people acknowledge but which doesn’t get the same sort of press, I suspect because it parses culturally as the end of the extended adolescence of the twenties.
My experience of this life thing (the ‘about to turn thirty’ version) I summed up as “My life is ALL ASS and I have to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT”. In my case, ‘doing something about it’ was ‘get religion, get serious therapy’.
One nice thing about this particular metaphorical structure is that, unlike the standard male-gendered “midlife crisis” image, it’s not sex-based. It’s something that happens to people.
Of course, the problem with it is that it’s freakin’ astrology jargon, and thus trips everyone’s bullshit detectors. ;)