Lisa of Sociological Images produces what I think is a particularly disturbing affirmation of Rule #1 of the bogus Two Rules of Desire

Lest you think that rape culture is confined to simply excellent institutions of higher education, Salon reports that Yale students pledging the Delta Kappa Epsilon fraternity were marched by women’s dorms marching “no means yes, yes means anal.”

Source: Lisa at Sociological Images.

Remember the paradox that

a) regardless of actual biological horniness men are indoctrinated to believe that sex is a way of “scoring” self-worth, but also
b) in order for those “scores” to be meaningful they have to be hard-won

If men were really only unslakably horny then slut-shaming would be a 100% alien concept. But we’re not just horny! (In fact, contrary to myth and indoctrination we’re also pretty easily slaked!)

Instead it works like this…

Rule of Desire #2 holds that it is simultaneously inconceivable and intolerable for a man to be sexually desired. Thus for a man to “get” sex there has to be something else about him that “makes” a woman agree to have sex with him. That something can be money, a car, power, status, a heroic act, a lifetime agreement to “love, cherish” and support her financially, or even just a bunch of flowers plus paying for dinner and the movie. But one way or another men have indoctrinated each other to believe that having heterosexual sex means we’re special.

Which brings us to Rule of Desire #1: It is simultaneously inconceivable and intolerable for a woman to have sexual desire. Without Rule #1 heterosexual sex wouldn’t make a man special at all! Which means that a woman with ordinary sexual desire would be a catastrophe!

Over the last half century the proposition that women just don’t like sex has become harder and harder to sustain — as women continue to gain economic, social, educational, and political freedom of choice it becomes more and more likely that “no” doesn’t mean “I dare not.” (In the unlikely event it never did.) Instead these days no just means no, not now and not with you. While yes in turn means yes I’d like to have sex too instead of “you’re so awesome I can’t say no.” Tough row to hoe if you think sex makes you feel special.

Which brings us to the other charming side of the Yalie’s little diptych: if sex is supposed to make you special, and yes disappointingly means only yes, you can still dig a little deeper for that all important “no.” Which is where “yes means anal” comes in. Anal intercourse, of course, is a rather ordinary form of sex enjoyably practiced by tens or hundreds of millions of people over the course of eons. But it has been stygmatized. It can be unhygienic. And when not done well it can be painful for the recipient. But best of all it’s another taboo thing that a “good” girl might give that all-important no to. Unless, once again, her partner is really special.

Charming little exercise in self-defeat we’ve got going there, guys.