Writing for the Good in Bed column at Lemondrop, Ian Kerner has a pretty good take on a common anxiety about receiving oral sex. This one’s from a woman but it goes both ways. Here’s the question and the beginning of Kerner’s answer:
[Q] I’m afraid to let a guy to go down on me because I’ve heard men don’t like performing oral sex. Is it true?
[A] This couldn’t be further from the truth. As the author of “She Comes First” (an entire book that’s basically one long ode to the joys of cunnilingus), I can honestly say that the vast majority of men that I’ve spoken with (and I’ve had the chance to speak to thousands of ‘em) take a gung-ho “viva la vulva” attitude when it comes to going down on their female partners.
In fact, many men complain that they’re not the ones with the issue. As it turns out, many women, like yourself, worry that guys don’t really enjoy going down, or you worry that you’re taking too long, or that your smell/taste might be unappealing.
Source: Lemon Drop
I think a more nuanced way to put this is to say that while there are certainly some men who don’t like to eat their partners there are more women who are anxious enough about their partner’s experience of eating them to not enjoy it themselves. And while fellatio’s near-universality in porn creates a buffer I happen to think the same thing is true for a lot of men and fellatio.
This is another one of those intuition-only hunches but I’m curious whether concern about being eaten is more common among heteros. I wonder because I’ve been thinking about frames of reference lately and it seems like it would be pretty easy for a straight person to project their own ambivalence to eating someone of their own sex into an assumption that everyone else (whether male, bi, or lesbian) would share their ambivalence.
I wonder further that self-referencing ambivalence in hetero men accounts for the unfortunate tendency to associate blowjobs with denigration, as in the epithet “cocksucker.” Which for some reason I don’t think is as common either among hetero women or bi and gay men.
As always your thoughts are welcome. I’m not sure what field of study this would fall under (linguistics? psychology? gender studies?) but if you’ve got links or citations I’d love to know more.