While introducing the interesting-sounding film Orgasm Inc, which is about the potential medicalization of women's orgasms, Gwen of Sociological Images raises the issue of men's orgasms. Or, more specifically, of men's erections.
In the article “In Pursuit of the Perfect Penis: The Medicalization of Male Sexuality” (available for free if you search for the title and Tiefer’s name), Leonore Tiefer discusses the way that the increasing attention paid by the medical community to conditions defined as “impotence,” and the way it has become medicalized, requiring any number of surgical, psychological, and/or pharmacological interventions. While some men have undoubtedly benefited, the largest beneficiary is the medical community itself. The broadened definition of what counts as “erectile dysfunction,” for instance, has created a larger market for drugs such as Viagra and Cialis.
Women's sexual dysfunction is complicated enough, as evidenced in the post's comments thread. Discussion of men's dysfunction is if anything even less, um, sophisticated.
One commenter, a possibly otherwise-well-intentioned young man, chirped
Best solution for impotence: try with someone you love and respect.
I replied... not exactly incivilly but perhaps a bit brittly that the people I know who seem to be most aggrieved by male impotence are their partners... particularly the partners of survivors of prostate cancer surgery. I added that I didn't think it would be particularly productive to tell them to become more lovable or respectable.
I have a feeling, though, that the reflex is to balk at the assumption that men's partners would be more aggrieved by impotence than the men themselves. After all, as Leonore Tiefer says in "In Pursuit of the Perfect Penis," our contemporary image of men is tied extraordinarily to male sexual performance (which is what I mean when I suggest it's more accurate to label men rather than women "the sex class.") With that understanding it would seem like madness for me to suggest that impotence, particularly low-libido-related impotence, would be less cause for concern for the man than his partner(s.)
Here's the thing, though: what's assumed to be the measure of sexuality in contemporary society? (Hint: See the previous paragraph.) If you recall that one of the big feminist indictments of modern sexuality, and the politics of sex and gender in general, is that men are the baseline reference for sexuality. 'Member that whole Hegelian thing about how people with privilege can go around oblivious to their privilege because those subordinate to them adjust themselves to meet the needs of the privileged?
Well, if a man imagines himself the baseline of sexuality, as we actually tend to do quite a lot, then we're going to do what? Initiate sex when we're horny, right? Right! And when our partners aren't in the mood we're going to do what? Either act to seduce them or else complain that they're never interested. With me so far?
We're used to this notion that men are always "ready" for sex, right? Used to? Heck, we're practically indoctrinated with it! Heck, one of the major premises of Orgasm Inc is that women's sexuality is being medicalized in order to help them "keep up" with men's high, high, go-go libidos.
Ok, so... if you've got this guy who only thinks about sex at all when he's horny, right?
And he's only horny maybe a couple of times a day, right?
He's happy and thinks everything's copacetic, right?
From his perspective he gets horny, he initiates sex, and if his partner's interested they have sex, and if not then he complains about it.
And now let's say this same guy, still only thinking about sex at all when he's horny, right?
Only now he's only horny maybe a couple of times a year, right?
From his perspective, once again, as the assumed/default baseline he gets horny, he initiates sex, what, exactly is different from his perspective? Nothing, right?
And if his partner complains? Well, bogus Rule of Desire #1 to the rescue: it's both inconceivable and intolerable for a woman to have sexual desire. So off to the shrink for her... if she doesn't seek counseling on her own to find out what's "wrong with her" now.
Is this starting to make sense? If a man is the measure of "sex" then his degree or frequency of interest is by default the "normal" to which all others are expected to adjust.
That's not to say that his partner won't bring it up, or even that he won't respond. Or feel bad for not "keeping up."
Can I twist the gee-isn't-gender-construction-fucked-up knife just a little bit further?
Because men's sexuality and libido are considered the baseline, to the extent most men respond to impotence it's in relation to who? Their partners? Oh, I don't think so! It's to either a) their former selves, b) their expectations of themselves, or c) concern for being compared to, or by, their peers.
Is it any wonder, then, that the people I've heard complain most bitterly about male impotence have been partners rather than the men themselves?
Do we want to leave it there?
And meanwhile we've got no-doubt well-meaning people like the commenters at Sociological Images who are saying stuff like blah blah Viagra blah blah Patriarchy blah blah male expectations blah blah blah. When in fact Patriarchy, with a nice assist from its Two Rules of Desire, is surprisingly fine with impotence and low male libido. It's certainly never concerned itself with possibility that female partners might have sexual desires of their own... let alone unfulfilled ones!
Final clue: In most relationships involving male sexual dysfunction which partner is most likely to initiate contact seeking medical or sexual advice, the man or the woman? Right in one! More often than not it's the woman who tries to get the ball, as it were, rolling.
Our social expectations and stereotypes about sexual dysfunction, male and female, aren't helping. At all!
I conluded my less-than-generous comment at Sociological Images with the following thought: is there an issue with medicalization of sex? Oh yeah. There’s plenty of that. And I think it’s a very, very good idea to be wary of the industrial tendency to take a drug or procedure originally developed for people with genuine need and turn it into a mass-market product. But one shouldn’t discount legitimate uses. Which, when it comes to sex, is enormously common. Turns out, though, there’s more than one form of prudery influencing some of the radically bad ideas in the field. Those who think there should be no intervention because sex is bad, and those who think there should be no intervention because what could possibly go wrong?
Neither kind could be less helpful than the other.
The way to be part of the solution is not avoid being part of the problem.
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Dr. Tiefer wrote about why
Submitted by K (not verified) on Mon, 2011-01-10 10:03.Dr. Tiefer wrote about why she came to the conclusions that she did, and she's like, in this book I read, Sex is not a Natural Act and Other Essays,
One of the essays went into her experience as a psychologist at a male urology clinic. (To this day I wonder how her conclusions would have differed if she'd done the same thing at a gynecology clinic.) I'm on my mobile device right now but I think the relevant part starts somewheres around p 197. See she was dealing mostly with guys who had erectile dysfunction, or else that group of patients was the one that she bases so much of her work on rather than dudes with low libido.
And the implication is that women partners of guys with erectile dysfunction are okay with it. She asks in a couple of places if Big Pharma ever asked what women partners think of guys with erectile dysfunction, like, maybe Big Phama is making a bigger deal out of this than it really is. And (on the Kindle version) at electronic location 2291 and beyond if you keep reading, she says she asked women partners of her male clients if the ladies thought their marriages might break up due to ED and the women got all offended and were like "No way!" and a lot of these partners were sexually satisfied because they were having other kinds of sex besides intercourse.
But that was about ED rather than men's low libido. It's like the way it was framed made me cone away feeling like it was all the male patients idea to go to the urology clinic in the first place so they could prove their masculinity or something like that.
This all happened back in the 70s & 80s; I'm wondering if things have changed since then re: who initiates counsing & sex therapy & meds now, what with a stronger focus on women's sexual pleasure & all.
And I know there's at least one lady blogger (who might pop in & see this?) that I know wrote something about frustration with her husband's ED.
I don't think I'm going to go to the sociological images site right now, there was another post about Orgasm Inc on Jezebel this weekend & the comments section turned into a bullshitstorm re: FSD and it eventually breached Jezebel & went somewhere else. I'm exhausted.
Good point on the distinction
Submitted by figleaf on Mon, 2011-01-10 14:29.Good point on the distinction between erectile dysfunction and low libido in men, K. Although there's some more recent evidence suggesting that the latter can follow the former, and (as with the advent of Viagra and the like) some suggestion that treating the former can increase the latter as well.
Thanks,
fl
Presumably if either partner
Submitted by Xakudo (not verified) on Mon, 2011-01-10 16:20.Presumably if either partner has a higher sex drive, they have the right to complain about lack of reasonable accomodation, no? I mean, if I'm with a partner with a higher sex drive, I'm not really sure why it's a big deal for me to have sex with them even if I'm not 100% in the mood. Unless we're talking about something that takes up a substantial portion of my time (like > 30 minutes a day) and thus substantially interferes with other parts of my life.
And I don't think it's inappropriate for either partner (regardless of gender) to want that kind of acommodation.
Similarly, if one partner specifically <em>doesn't</em> want to have sex that often (for whatever reason... hard for me to relate, but whatever) then it's also reasonable for the other partner to masturbate or whatever to fulfil their needs in the mean time.
I guess what bugs me about discussions like this is that it feels so confrontational. If I'm with a partner with greater sexual needs than myself, I'll probably be happy to acommodate them. Sex is enjoyable, even if I'm not 100% in the mood for it. And conversely if I'm with a partner that specifically needs less sex, I'll probably be happy to acommodate them too. And if our needs are sufficiently dispirate that I cannot happily acommodate, that's what breaking up is for.
But I don't get why these conversations always end up talking about this as if it's somehow a burden to have sex more/less often than you would ideally want. Unless we're talking about victims of sexual abuse, or unless we're talking about particularly dispirate frequencies, the idea is absurd to me. It's not some kind of horrible thing that women generally accommodate their partner's sexual frequencey, any more than it would be a horrible thing were it generally the other way around.
I guess what becomes problematic is when there is a sense of entitlement? And I can absolutely agree with that.
But I get the sense that sometimes "entitlement" is read into situations that are actually more about frustration. I mean, is a woman displaying "entitlement" if she vocalizes frustration (i.e. complains) about her partner not having as much sex as she would like?