Lisa Wade says
Her Dad corrects her, saying “Boys, well, boys want both…”
But her Dad is wrong. Boys in the U.S. are taught from a very early age to avoid everything associated with girls. Being called a “girl” is, in itself, an insult to boys. And the slurs “sissy” and “fag” are reserved for men who act feminine. So, no, boys (who have learned the rules of how to be a boy) generally reject anything girly. (Indeed, this was one of the themes of Jimmy Kimmel “bad present” prank played by parents on their kids.)
The girl’s Dad, however, articulates a symmetrical analysis. The idea is that there are gender stereotypes — ones that apply to boys and ones that apply to girls — and that both are inaccurate, unfair, and constraining. His mistake is in missing the asymmetrical value placed on masculinity and femininity. Boys and girls are simply not positioned equally in relationship to stereotypes of femininity and masculinity.
Source: Sociological Images
What I sort of want to know is... given how totally full of awesome this kid is at, what, age three or maybe early four, why on this big blue marble would anyone mind being associated with girls, being a girl, being mistaken for a girl, admiring the dickens out of girls, and so on. And why would anyone waste an average of .5 liters of tidal volume wishing they had more sons instead of daughters, or selectively fucking aborting daughters, etc.?
You know what's really great about that video? She could have been my daughter at that age, who certainly made observations that astute. And you know what's great about that? Neither the girl in the video nor my daughter are curve-bending prodigies -- they're perfectly normal, perfectly sensible human beings who are special as possible to their loved ones but nothing like unique. Which is good because if they were prodigies there might be some excuse for excepting them but still grubbing every other human with XX pairing at the 23rd chromosome.*
Instead girls rock because people rock. Sure, some rock more than others... because some people rock more than others. Still no cause for culturally drowning girls... and only girls, naturally... in a deep pink sea.
* For starters. There are plenty of other ways of designating "girls" for the purpose of discriminating. But XX chromosomes are pretty representative so let's start there.
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What an absolute cutie. She
Submitted by Anonymous2 (not verified) on Mon, 2012-01-02 16:56.What an absolute cutie.
She and her dad are right, as are you about what happens to boys. My family likes some fo the teen Nick and Disney shows, and I've pointed out the transphobia/homophobia/gender issues in them--it is difficult to find even a single recent episode that does not have a boy humiliated by being forced to put on "girls'" clothing or somehow feminized. And that really gets to me.
What all of this teaches kids is to feel conflicted or to feel rage when something they perceive as feminine is imposed on them or when they see it in others--that leads to violence against both men and women.
My kids started to laugh about one incidence of transphobia on screen and we had a big talk about how dangerous it is for kids who are trans, the bullying and dangers they experience. I hope other kids get these conversations but I think many do not.
We strongly suspect our son may be gay and I'm wondering if I should outright ask him or if he's too young for that or if it would be rude to make assumptions. We make sure we've made our beliefs clear and that we're parents who are safe for them and their friends to talk to, etc. It hurts to look at homophobia and to see it so prevalent in pop culture and out and about.
"I'm wondering if I should
Submitted by figleaf on Mon, 2012-01-02 20:23."I'm wondering if I should outright ask him..." I'm obviously not an authority in this area but from the little research I've done I'm going to say no, if he's still young enough to be voluntarily watching Nick and Disney kids programming then he's too young for him, or you, to be sure how he's going to turn out. You can guess, he can guess, but trying to get him to pin himself down too soon might leave him thinking his choices are more constrained once he actually starts feeling what he feels. When he does? He'll know. And he'll let you know too. Unless, of course, you set expectations that he doesn't feel he fits. :-) But again, remember, I'm not an authority in this area. Thanks, A2. --fl
I swear it's way worse than
Submitted by Irene (not verified) on Mon, 2012-01-02 19:23.I swear it's way worse than when I was a kid, in a way. I mean, the gender roles in society are a little more forgiving (at least in some parts of society), but the marketing division is far more stark than it used to be. I guess back when a toy sewing machine was obviously for girls, you didn't have to make it pink as well -- certainly not Pepto-Bismol pink (which I am pretty sure I thought was ugly even when I was five).
(I've decided on Irene as a pseudonym, by the way. Not my real name.)
This girl is great. I have
Submitted by PattyCake (not verified) on Mon, 2012-01-02 20:49.This girl is great.
I have a boy that loved pink when he was a toffler, and it frustrated him because nothing for boys is in pink - and once they get to school age, very few bright colors at all.
I think the takeaway kids get is that girls who are girls just "rock" & "kick ass," by default, by virtue of their being girls - whether they're girly, tomboys, masculine, butch, what have you. Boys who are even just the slightest bit "feminine" are suspect. Boys who like girl things are just weird.
PattyCake, you can get Crocs
Submitted by Anonymous2 (not verified) on Mon, 2012-01-02 21:19.PattyCake, you can get Crocs in pink that are unisex. Our friends' son has done that. And some Land's End clothing is unisex in sizing and style, so you could probably find some of their basic t's and polos in pink.
Figleaf, my inclination is the same as yours, to wait. He's a middle schooler and watches the teen shows like icarly (one of the few that's not that way). I wouldn't want to traumatize him if he's straight by indicating he seems gay. He doesn't. And he could be bi. But he is physically affectionate with other boys and seems to be very romantic toward them. It worries me how he'd get treated by most other parents and families if he wants a boyfriend. He knows that some of his social groups would kick him out. He overheard another parent talk about how her daughter said she was gay and that she wasn't old enough to know and something about the media making kids feel that they were. I'm happy about whomever my kids choose to bring home to dinner someday. I just hope any angst is minimized. I wish there didn't have to be any.
Public Service Announcement:
Submitted by figleaf on Mon, 2012-01-02 23:52.Public Service Announcement: Regardless of color DO NOT let your children ride escalators in Crocks! Which has to sound like the weirdest sentence I'll ever write. Just Google the words "Crocks" and "escalator." Not sure how it happens or why it happens so often but a relative's eight year old spent a surprise week at Boston General a couple summers ago having a toe reattached. (Oops, I gave away the plot.) :-p --fl
Or flip flops. Thank you.
Submitted by Anonymous2 (not verified) on Tue, 2012-01-03 07:29.Or flip flops. Thank you. Sorry that happened to your loved one.
My kids have at least one gay
Submitted by Irene (not verified) on Tue, 2012-01-03 09:35.My kids have at least one gay friend who was out in middle school, and I can't even count the number who are out in high school. But then we're in Seattle. You might want to see if the high school he'd be attending has a Gay-Straight Alliance, or anything of that sort -- it's a healthy sign regardless of your personal situation.
In the 1950s, pink shirts for
Submitted by Irene (not verified) on Tue, 2012-01-03 10:03.In the 1950s, pink shirts for boys (and men) were a big thing. I remember I had a book (_Lassie and the Mystery at Blackberry Bog_, 1956) in which a boy was happily saying to his mother, who had just bought him a pink dress shirt, "It will look sharp with the gray suit, won't it, Mom?" and she promised him, "Very sharp."