Answer? Nobody.
In a great post titled "The Myth of the Boner Werewolf," Cliff of The Pervocracy points out that excuses about "blue balls" and other (mythical!) forms of male uncontrollability make women less enthusiastic about being sexual around men.
There's a pernicious myth out there that the male sex drive is unstoppable and irresistible--that once a man is aroused, he literally cannot control his actions. We tell jokes about "thinking with the other head" and "all the blood went out of his brain" that aren't entirely jokes. We have a cultural narrative in which sexual arousal makes a man into a goddamn werewolf.
And we expect women to tiptoe around this uncontrollable male sexuality. We tell them to watch how they dress, lest they wake the beast. We tell them "some guys can't control themselves"--not won't, but can't. We tell them to be careful what they start, because they'll be expected to finish it. Hell, way too often we outright tell them that they have no right to withdraw consent once sex has started.
My response to myths like this, more and more, is "shit, if I believed that, I'd never have sex with a man again." I wonder if the story would change if more guys realized that saying "if a woman gets me turned on, she'd better be ready to go all the way" is the same as saying "getting me turned on is dangerous, better not take the risk."
Source: The Pervocracy
Anyone here wish women felt sex with men was more risky rather than less? Show of hands here? If not then is it really worth perpetuating the dominant paradigm of men as the obligatory, reflex-driven, and therefore high-risk "sex" class." In exchange for what? A marginally higher chance of receiving grudging pity sex of some sort? Whee!
Tags:




I've always felt that to the
Submitted by Irene (not verified) on Wed, 2012-09-19 16:41.I've always felt that to the extent this sort of thing has any psychological truth it is about allowing oneself to be overwhelmed by sexual feelings to the point of feeling (in a sense) out of control. Depending on what myths one's been fed about hetero sex, for the woman that could potentially feel like giving in to some unstoppable male force.
I have never, ever bought
Submitted by Kitten (not verified) on Wed, 2012-09-19 22:18.I have never, ever bought into any of those (myths). It would be interesting to know what majority of women do. I can't imagine the stats being very high but I could be wrong.
Maybe Svutlana no have
Submitted by Svutlana (not verified) on Thu, 2012-09-20 07:38.Maybe Svutlana no have experiences with werewolves, but for me, profound, pressing and persistent sex urge be best part about mens. Narrative that say male sex drive be bad thing and complete uncontrollable inevitable lead back for womens who must cover up and disappear lest we unleash werewolf attack.
Werewolf always be about power, never about sex.
Nicely said, Svutlana. It's
Submitted by figleaf on Thu, 2012-09-20 08:02.Nicely said, Svutlana. It's not that male sex drives are a bad thing (heh!) Instead it's the idea that to the extent men are dangerous to women it's our *sex* drive that makes us so. Because, yeah, if you want to control your *lust* you can do that in about five minutes. Power and control though? That's another subject altogether. And the trick is, I'm pretty sure we'll all agree, is that *until* we learn to stop confusing power drives with sex lives we're never going to resolve the power issue. Thanks! --fl
SVUTLANA! Hey, nice to see
Submitted by Irene (not verified) on Thu, 2012-09-20 16:17.SVUTLANA! Hey, nice to see you. Seems like it's been a while.
The original post said it so,
Submitted by Anjasa (not verified) on Mon, 2012-10-15 15:38.The original post said it so, so well. I'm so glad I read it just because I kind of realized how I, at times, had totally started buying into it. There's a lot of guilt that women are expected to bear because of male sex drives, and the 'responsibilities' we hold over them.