Photo by Flickr user nino63004. Used under a Creative Commons license.
This story is a nice fuck you to all the trolls and (often!) hypocritical virginity fetishist stories about fuzzy lollypops, chewed gum, wilted roses, and tape with sweater lint. Check it out
A well-known speaker started off his seminar holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it...?" Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We may feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.
The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special-Don't EVER forget it." If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it may bring. Count your blessings, not your problems.
I'm not sure of the original source. I found it reposted on my personal Facebook page. It's almost certain the original author didn't have virginity per se in mind, but what I really appreciate about the parable is that it generalizes the fallacy of seeing people as things.
Update: Just wanted to promote a comment, below, by Jose.
If you notice, all the analogies used to keep people virgin are objects, things. The idea is you're supposed to be someone's private property. Sure, I don't want used objects, new objects are cooler. But people aren't objects. Different rules apply to people, therefore no analogy concerning objects is possible.
Excellent point: while the $20 bill metaphor correctly resets the gum/sucker/tape/rosebud metaphors it's till a metaphor about things, not people. His second paragraph is also excellent but you should read the comments to find it. This blog has great commenters.
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Since my daughter's middle
Submitted by Anonymous2 (not verified) on Sat, 2012-12-01 17:51.Since my daughter's middle school used the gift analogy (it's a one-time gift that can't be given again), I brought up your example. She countered with something about Amsterdam and exchange rates. Geez, this generation is more sophisticated. She does get that people's remain valuable in a non-monetary sense.
Those who intentionally perpetuate rape and other hate crimes devalue themselves, not their victims.
Those who think consensual sex makes women damaged goods--well, they're missing the joy that can come at any life stage.
So many "educators" and youth leaders speak as if the loss of virginity is the pinnacle and that's as good as it gets. It's not, by far.
So many "educators" and youth
Submitted by gnaddrig (not verified) on Mon, 2012-12-03 04:21.So many "educators" and youth leaders speak as if the loss of virginity is the pinnacle and that's as good as it gets. It's not, by far.
I agree with that. And what is more, they talk mostly of female virginity. Apparently sex doesn't make boys or men damaged goods. Quite the opposite, in the eyes of many.
One of my teachers used to
Submitted by Irene (not verified) on Mon, 2012-12-03 13:49.One of my teachers used to say that our society fetishizes both virginity and non-virginity in different ways, but that in fact becoming sexually active is a process, not a single watershed event. He also pointed out that it's a process you're free to start and stop -- there's no reason that having sex once means you have to go on being sexually active, if you happen to decide it was a mistake and you weren't really ready.
This is really brilliant.
Submitted by Miriam (not verified) on Mon, 2012-12-03 18:50.This is really brilliant. I'll be sharing it. :)
What if the bill had smears
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 2012-12-13 15:32.What if the bill had smears of blood on the corners?
What if you just watched the bill's owner snort a line of coke with that same bill?
What if you saw the bill being pulled from a person's underwear?
See. Here's the huge,
Submitted by figleaf on Thu, 2012-12-13 21:24.See. Here's the huge, enormous, gigantic difference: assuming those activities make you less *interested* (and it's fine if they do) they don't diminish the bill's *value.* At all. And for any of those activities a quick wash will make them good as new. That's radically different from any of the "lose all value forever from a single touch" metaphors the virginity fetishists traffick in. --fl
If you notice, all the
Submitted by jose (not verified) on Mon, 2012-12-17 08:31.If you notice, all the analogies used to keep people virgin are objects, things. The idea is you're supposed to be someone's private property. Sure, I don't want used objects, new objects are cooler. But people aren't objects. Different rules apply to people, therefore no analogy concerning objects is possible.
The thing is you can't find any analogy concerning human activities to encourage inexperience, not even for personal experiences, let alone professional ones. You don't want to go explore some caves with your friends if none of them has gone there before. You don't want to party with a teenager who has never had a drink (you will end up carrying him to the bus station and getting your coat puked on). You may want to play tennis with someone who has never played before, but nobody can deny you both will have more fun once your partner learns a bit: the games will get better. Same for everything else including sex. Experience improves people.
"The thing is you can't find
Submitted by figleaf on Mon, 2012-12-17 09:50."The thing is you can't find any analogy concerning human activities to encourage inexperience, not even for personal experiences, let alone professional ones." *Very* nicely said, Jose. Same with the point about humans being "new" vs "used" if and only if you consider them property. Thanks! --fl