So the question over at Em & Lo's "Your Call" this week is "How Can a Woman Enjoy Lots of Sex Without Shame?" Specifically:

How does one go about feeling better about a very sexual personality? I realize I’m human and I accept sex and all that comes with it with open arms. However, our society does not. Obviously I’m not saying I sleep with the masses, but I do enjoy sex and I don’t feel I should have to hide that without being labeled “whore.”

Source: Today on EMandLO.com

I’m going to be a little contrarian here (especially for me) and say rather than be completely open about her sex life she might approach it the way a lot of wealthy people approach conversations about their money: proudly, without embarrassment, but also quietly.

If it comes up in conversation consider being non-defensive but indirect: “I’m just lucky to meet such wonderful people.” “Well, it’s not as big a deal as people say it is.” “I’m sorry, I’ll be busy next weekend.”

You’ll never please everybody and some people are going to be in a snit no matter how one frames it, but for lot of people the resistance lies somewhere their own obstacles and “must be nice” envy. Which is how most people also feel about other people’s financial good fortune. And based on the advice most often given to those with financial fortune, downplaying (without lying or denying) is probably the best way increase comfort levels all around.

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So I think this approach appeals to me in part because it makes an active sex life normal and unremarkable when there's overwhelming to make it extraordinary and noteworthy. Think about it like other normal and unremarkable things people do a lot of, like canning, golf, contra-dancing, couponing, scrap-booking, travel, and so on. On Monday mornings are you particularly interested in hearing someone else going on and on and on about their particular extracurricular activities?

Chances are that unless you share the same hobby you're going to be somewhere between jealous and bored stiff by a colleague going on and on and on and on about the rave they went to, their hang gliding workshops, their book club gossip, and so on. For all the slavering lather on magazine covers, cable TV programming, and, yes, blog posts, our sex lives just aren't that different from bass fishing or suduko tournaments: fascinating to us because... well... we're fascinated by it, but not really that fascinating to anyone else.

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Another point along these lines: People are generally quietly tolerant of things like a big appetite for money, sex, or travel, front-row season tickets, or (who knew) 1915 Cracker Jack baseball card collecting they don't like the feeling of having it rubbed in their faces.

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Final, most important figleaf-approved point: People have a surprisingly strong tendency to project our own disapprovals on others, with the result that, say, we may assume others disapproval is about the amount of sex we're having when instead a) they don't actually care one way or another and we mistake their indifference for disapproval, b) we mistake their wistfulness or envy for disdain, or c) they, again, we mistake their disapproval for getting their nose rubbed in it with disapproval of your sex life. Oh, or d) they actually don't much care for you but that's not why! One way or another we should be careful not to confuse how we think people "probably" feel for how they actually feel unless they tell us directly that, no, that really is what's bugging them.