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Maymay of Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed, is starting, approximately, a porn site with his sometime partner Eileen. While one might think there were already enough of those in the world his reasons for starting this one are persuasive. (All emphasis his.)
So, here’s the problem: There is not enough porn wherein submissive men are the erotic subject matter.
If you’ve read even a little bit of this blog, you’re probably already well-versed in many of my rants about how paltry the available porn is for submissive men like me (and, by extension, dominant women like Eileen). But the problem is actually two fold. One problem is, of course, that there’s simply an insanely disturbing general lack of the stuff. In fact, it’s so bad that if you Google for the three words “male submission art,” you actually get female submission links littering the first page of results.
This is actually even worse if you go actively hunting for porn with the hopes of finding erotica depicting men who are submissive. Instead, you’re much, much more likely to find erotica depicting women who are dominant. This is actually a major nuisance for a lot of people—including many submissive men, I might add.
Arguably even more frustrating that that, however, is that what male submissive porn is out there is total shit relative to the porn available for other sorts of orientations. In such erotica (unless it’s gay imagery, of course) men are portrayed as impotent, ugly creatures. That is not sexy. It’s also insulting.
The (already, big surprise, not-"work-safe") site is Male Submission Art. The mission statement on their submission-guidelines page says their aim is
...to challenge stereotypes of erotica as it relates to imagery of gender-biased domination and submission. In our experience, such erotic imagery almost always contains images of beautiful female submission or “pathetic” male submission. Instead, we want to showcase beautiful imagery of masculine submissive subjects.
Read more, plus find out how to submit entries if you're interested, here.
Since I reiterated my own frustrations the other day I'm obviously pleased to hear about this site. And I'm pleased not out of some sort of MRA-like plea that "men can be erotic too" but because interest *already exists* and the dysfunctionally, comically-stereotypically gendered nature of porn insures that that interest is *underserved.*
Since I appreciate but don't share May and Eileen's *erotic* enthusiasm for submissive men I'll point out another distinction Eileen alludes to in several of her captions, but especially a comparatively modest one of a young man who's just sitting on a bench counting his toes: it's not that the man has to be actively (note that word "actively") submissive, instead it can be enough for him simply *not to be dominant!*
For all the (entirely appropriate, justified, and important) attention paid to encouraging agency and non-passive consent for women it's also important for men to get over the "no-sex" class paradigm-driven notion that (hetero) sex doesn't happen unless men take the active role. (Even in "Playgirl" style "porn for women" men are portrayed as *actively* presenting themselves... submitting themselves in ways that initiate by *actively* inviting the observer rather than leaving space where the observer can identify as the initiator her- or himself.)
Quick mini vocabulary review: this might be a bit off-topic but since a lot of heterosexuals, men and women, *like* it when the man takes the lead I ought to make it clear that, as in ballroom dancing, one person initiating ("let's dance," "what are you doing later") isn't synonymous with that same person "leading" once the dance... or other activity... begins. Nor is initiating or leading the same as "dominating." Nor does *accepting* an invitation automatically equal to "submitting."
And finally, back to May's, Eileen's and my main point, when it comes to men submission (in either the active, the initiating, or even the BDSM sense) isn't, and shouldn't be, automatically synonymous with pathetic, "effeminate," comical, impotent, or insulting. (Nor, for that matter, need submission automatically imply any of those other things when it comes to women.)
This one's going to be a tough, tough stereotype to overcome, by the way. (It's one place where even mainstream feminism has some catching up to do.) And while it's sort of natural that BDSM folks would be on the cutting edge I think it's important enough that anyone interested in intergender issues can help tackle it.
As times get tougher and as ad revenue dries up I've started noticing increasing numbers of tip jars appearing in the sidebars of bloggers of all genres. I'm not sure how well they work but if you like someone's work and you've got even a couple of bucks to spare I heartily recommend chipping in.
Anyway, while I've never had much ad revenue to begin with (I've experimented a bit with ads but since I'm *in* the "pink ghetto" of sex bloggers but not enough *of* it to feel comfortable hosting ads for porn or adult-equipment sites that's never really been much of a revenue generator) my expenses are low enough that I'm not going to put up a tip jar either. (I'd far, far rather you donate whatever you can to the independent, and excellent sex-education site Scarleteen.)
Instead I'm going to take a tip from Casual Kitchen, a food blog that nicely combines quality food with cost consciousness. The author, Daniel Koontz, invites readers to
How can I support Casual Kitchen?
If you enjoy reading Casual Kitchen, tell a friend and spread the word! You can also support me by subscribing to my RSS feed, or submitting this article, or any other article you particularly enjoyed here, to bookmarking sites like del.icio.us, digg or stumbleupon.
I'd like to make the same request. Wheni read posts that inspire me I quote and link to them. If I consistently read them I add them to my blogroll. If you enjoy reading Figleaf's Real Adult Sex, tell somebody. Quote or reference a post, add a link to your blogroll, subscribe to my RSS feed, leave a comment.
If this blog isn't your cup of tea you can still support other bloggers the same way.
Thanks!
"Jeans 020" from my "Sizing Jeans" photoset on Flickr.
Also, why these photos?
Ms Naughty of Ms Naughty Porn for Women Blog raises an issue that's dear to my heart
[Note: All links go to pages containing nudity. --fl]
Thanks to The Girl for pointing me in the direction of Erotica Cover Watch. This is a new blog that asks the question: why are only women featured on the covers of erotic books?
It’s a very good point and the topic naturally delves into the whole feminist issue of the male gaze and the continued way that straight women are still considered to be non-visual.
It all comes down to official marketing wisdom which says that women on covers sell and men don’t.
...
I’m glad someone is making a fuss about this. Maybe next year’s Best Women’s Erotica, which is absolutely and utterly aimed at women, should have a guy or a couple on it.
I'm not as diligent about it as I used to be but I got started posting my own photos because I was frustrated that, while it was conventional wisdom that "men are visual and women aren't" it seemed like nobody was even *bothering* to try to make erotic representations of men specifically for heterosexual women. What made it frustrating was the number of women bloggers, then almost exclusively anonymous, who said *they* were frustrated. And it seemed to me (as I've said elsewhere) that since virtually all visual porn was made for straight or gay men, and almost always made *by* men, that nobody was even trying. Men in straight porn are usually featured as either foils (comical, non-threatening) or proxies for the assumed viewer and in almost all cases they're positioned as accessories to women. In gay porn men are at least presented as erotic in their own right but even then the representations were (obviously) still coming from a male perspective. (Incidentally a lot of those anonymous bloggers said they preferred, and could more closely identify with, the activities in gay porn to the stylized hump/thump/dump male antics in straight porn.)
So anyway, since I was a lot more daring in my youth (ok, three or four years ago anyway) I swallowed quite a lot of reluctance and took photos I thought might appeal to, you know, actual straight women. Actually since I didn't really know what that would even mean my main method was trying to avoid what mostly shows up in conventional porn and self-photography. And mostly that seemed to involve photos and poses that created space where the viewer could imagine putting herself instead of being put, of acting instead of just being acted on, of having *agency* instead of subjectivity. (Not that big a leap, actually, since, after all, that's what photos tend to do for men in *their* porn.)
No one was more shocked than I that it hit a chord. It was popular, and since in real life I'm kind of shy and unassuming, a little embarrassing. Web stats suggest some of those photos have become *very* popular with other posters. (Yikes! If I hadn't been anonymous I don't think I could have done it at all! And good thing I'd probably submit a job application to the Obama Transition team!)
I still post photos now although to be honest I feel like I'm losing my touch. I'm also getting pretty restless about my anonymity. And so except for Thursday photos I think I'm slowly winding down. Which is fine -- it looks like people like Ms. Naughty and the folks over at Erotic Cover Watch are taking up the torch.
One last point: whereas I don't think more erotic representations of straight men is especially progress if everyone just winds up being objectified I *do* think it's progress when assumptions based on what stereotypes "want" are broken down. I'd also suggest that what's traditionally made the "objectification" in porn so objectionable has been its highly unilateral, not to mention exclusive ("you're a woman, you're not *supposed* to like it!") nature. And finally, creating erotic imagery that acknowledges *women's* erotic agency (something conventional male-oriented porn decidedly and consistently fails to do) helps break down the really terrible idea that women *don't* have agency of their own... and that consequently their fallow sexuality is available for male appropriation.
Photo by Flickr user bcmacsac1. Used under a Creative Commons license.
Coy Pink of No need to be coy says
I’ve always been slightly annoyed about a certain segment of sex toys out there.
Image from Babeland.com. Click for
(non-affiliate) product info.Animal-themed sex toys, to be precise. What genius decided that women need or want their sex toys to be modeled after animals? Do the powers-that-be think if a sex toy is shaped like a bunny or a dolphin it will be more appealing to women? Do they think it’s easier for a shy lady to purchase a dildo with a face on it rather than one that is more life-like? Even if that is true, how insulting is that? All of us silly, giggling girls couldn’t POSSIBLY purchase a realistic looking vibrator, NOOOO… it must be cute looking! </sarcasm> I, for one, am not a fan of any toy that resembles an animal. Apparently, I’m not alone...
Oh, and meanwhile TBK of The Beautiful Kind has remarks along the same lines in her review of a different sex toy. (Emphasis mine.)
I’ve never had anything like this up there before, just normal size dicks and smaller butt plugs. It measures in at 6.5 inches in length, which you wouldn’t think is too bad, but it’s bulky, and I was intimidated. It’s like a tapeworm for Paul Bunyan!
AND it even has a FACE - someone in Germany has a sense of humor…this is a product of Fun Factory, an innovative European sex toy company. I am GROOVING on their funky toy line, let me tell you.
My cached version of photo from TBK's post.Here's how I think vibrators and similar devices got those cutesy animal looks and faces. I remember reading years ago, from something by, I think, Susie Bright, that animal shapes and/or those unnerving little smiley faces were originally intended to get around laws against "marital aids" in the country they were first manufactured and/or first became popular.
Back when vibrators first started getting popular in America there were basically two kinds, smooth candle-shaped and "Swedish" ones that strapped to your hand. They worked... ok but they really were adapted from tools for old-fashioned body massage.
Oh yeah, and the candle-style ones were available mainly through mall-based "Spencer Gift" type novelty toy stores which, I'm guessing, meant they had to be indirect about their intended use.
Anyway, when the new ones, specifically the highly-iconic Rabbit, from Japan showed up in the early progressive toy stores (the then-independent Good Vibrations had them very early on) it was a revelation for a lot of people. Sure, Japanese modesty standards are very strong but also very different from our so, for instance, they weren't particularly shy to design tools specifically for actual masturbation... but they still put bunny ears and little smileys on them.
And naturally when those non-toy "toys" took off here other manufacturers imitated the designs, bunny-ears or dolphin heads and all, without, I think, wondering *why.* Once manufacturers stopped imitating and started doing their own thing we started getting *really* specific toys like the Rock Chick (not for everyone but *very* effective for some people) or the NJoy and Lelo design lines of vibrators and insertables that are beautiful, very functional, well-crafted and... neither toy nor "realistic imitation" of *any* kind of anatomy whether it's animal, vegetable, genital, or... toddler toys.**
Anyway, that's where I think the little animal effects on a lot of toys came from.
---
A not-irrelevant nerd note: along the same lines of rote imitation of features like bunny ears on popular products, you know how a lot of old "hot rod" race cars were always really jacked up in the back? I grew up in old bootlegger country -- the original "Thunder Road" of ballad and movie fame went through both the town I was born in and the one where I grew up! More than one old-timer car mechanic told me they were jacked up not to improve performance but so that they'd look normal when driven with sometimes hundreds of gallons of illegal booze in the back. And yeah, on days off when the drivers would unload and race them those cars won... but it was the size of engines and skill of the drivers, not the height of the (unloaded) trunks that mattered. Nevertheless, 50 years later the misperception about functionality lingers... as does, evidently, the impulse to keep putting cartoon eyes on Coy's and TBK's sex toys "marital aids" sex and/or masturbation tools.
[** I added that last clause to make it more clear that "cute" and "anatomically correct" aren't the only alternatives. --fl]
Photo by Flickr user ChadScott. Used under a Creative Commons license.
All kinds of people have "Links I Liked" kind of digests of posts they didn't have time to write about in more detail. I think they use some kind of service... maybe De.licious? Anyway, I often have things sitting around my RSS reader until they finally expire so I thought I'd experiment with a hand-rolled version.
1) In "Knowing Best, Doing Good" Laura Agustin of Border Thinking on Migration, Culture, Economy and Sex said
[Christian] Lander takes off the way ‘helping’ makes people feel good about themselves and how they assume that if everyone were to live the way helpers do - making the Right choices - then the world would be Good.
See also Agustin's follow-up What's Wrong With Helping, Another example from the world of sex work.
2) In "Why Am I Supposed To Date Older Men, Again? [It Makes Us Laugh]" Megan of Jezebel said
Like most women, most of my dating life, I've dated older boys and men. It's almost what you're supposed to do, right? Men mature more slowly, they're less ready to settle down, they're less self-confident when they're younger. Older man are supposed to be more settled, more confident, more mature, more relationship-ready. Well, I'm 30 and I'm calling bullshit on all those theories. At this point, some of the most fucked-up men, the ones who treated me the worst, were older than me — often a lot older. And maybe I'm getting less mature by the day, but I could give a shit right now if some dude is living in a group house or making no money or thinks fart jokes are hilarious if he's also smart, funny and treats me with the respect and, I'll admit it, deference I'm sort of into right now. And I'm just not getting that from the older guys.
3) In "Mostly because we need a break from non-stop election stuff" Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon said
Men can like cats nowadays for the same reason that men can find Tina Fey really sexy ---because feminism has loosened the gender bindings of masculinity enough that they can find something other than dumb adoration appealing. You’re welcome, men.
4) In "She’s a beauty queen" Sarah of Season of the Bitch said
But what the hell is wrong with us that a simple unretouched photo is enough to set the right wing howling that it’s unfair coverage? What’s wrong with showing a 44-year-old woman’s skin? Do they honestly think someone’s going to decide not to vote for her because they can see her laugh lines?
5) gURL of sex_ed_blog said
Ever try to masturbate with less than stellar results? You're not alone. Read about one gURL's failed attempts at masturbation.
Note: She assumes that it's easy for men because everything's right "out front." My experience figuring out how to masturbate was pretty similar to hers. The (perfectly understandable) slip doesn't detract from the familiarity of her version.
6) In "Why Men Cheat" Michelle Cottle of The Plank says
So, yeah, the details of [Peter] Cook's betrayal [of Christie Brinkley] may be more colorful than average, but the motivation behind the betrayal is hardly unusual. No matter how pretty Brinkley is--in fact, perhaps because of how pretty she is--she didn't make poor Peter feel important enough. That was something he just couldn't handle. Which definitely makes him a loser, but, alas, doesn't make him remotely unusual.
For ruminations on the same general effect see also "A Winning Mentality" by Phila at Echidne of the Snakes and "Testicular Implosion" by Infra at Skin::filter().
Interesting sex-related question at Manic Monday today
Which would you prefer and why? To have every stoplight turn green upon your arrival for the rest of your life or to have one week of the best sex any person ever had?
I read the question at Biscuit, who raises a perfectly sensible (and possibly ominous) concern
A week of mind-blowing sex. Very tempting, but what about the rest of your sex life afterward? Would it pale in comparison and leave you wanting?
Assuming all else would be equal I'd take the green lights.
Regular sex is already pretty nice, and in my experience "mind blowing" sex, while also nice, is sort of overrated. I mean who in his or her right mind says "oh darn it, that last orgasm sucked because it wasn't the best ever" and/or "my partner's last orgasm sucked because it wasn't her/his best ever?"
Anyway, I'd settle for the same old perfectly enjoyable sex for the rest of my life... using some of the time I saved not waiting in traffic! :-)
Note: I'm very much *not* a subscriber to bumper-sticker slogans along the lines of "the worst day X is better than the best day Y." In particular I don't believe "there's no such thing as a bad blowjob/cunnilingus" or *especially* the daft idea that "bad sex is still better than no sex." Since todays' meme isn't about *bad* sex I just don't see any of those slogans applying here.
Laura Agustín of Border Thinking on Migration, Culture, Economy and Sex is a sociologist who's work focuses on legal and illegal immigrants in general, and migrant sex workers in particular, at the interface between NGOs and migrants themselves. She's using her blog, in part, to publish some of her earlier works. Here's an excerpt from "Challenging 'Place:' Leaving Home for Sex."
My example here is migrant women and transsexuals in Europe, but the discourses which construct them as ‘trafficked’ exist all over the world and are being addressed by international bodies.[6] At the time of this writing, the majority of migrant prostitutes in Europe come from the west of Africa, Latin America, eastern Europe and countries of the ex-Soviet Union. While domestic workers have begun to unite across ethnic borders to demand basic rights, sex workers have not, making them impossible to fit into classic migration frameworks, in which associations are formed as an essential step to ‘settling’ down. For a variety of legislative and social reasons, not least of which are the repressive policies of police and immigration all over Europe, prostitutes tend to keep moving, from city to city and from country to country.[7] This itinerant lifestyle creates a particular relationship to ‘place’ that impedes doing the things migrants are ‘supposed’ to do, related to establishing themselves and becoming good (subaltern) citizens (the Roma suffer from the same impediment). While nomadism is found romantic in people who live far away (such as the Bedouin) it tends to be seen as a social problem inside the West.
Agustín makes the further point that if tradition in both countries of origin (usually in the 2nd- and 3rd-world), and destination countries (usually in the 2nd- or 1st) make jobs available to women only in the domestic, "caring," and sex industries** then that's... pretty much where they're going to end up in the course of doing what men have done for centuries: emigrate in search of greater economic or social opportunities elsewhere.
This suggests two things where one's obvious and the other ought to be. First, that without shifts away from limiting women, especially at the margins, to tasks that tie them to "home" activities no amount of criminalization of sex work is going to reduce the likelihood of surplus workers winding up in it (whether more or less against their will.) Second, as the quoted passage illustrates, the specific criminalization of sex work complicates the development of networks available to other migrants for "landing" in a place and becoming established -- leaving them perpetually both more displaced and more vulnerable to continuing coercion and exploitation.
Link via Red Spine.
[** I'd add sweatshop piece work which, based on my own childhood experiences with small-scale farming in the middle of the last century, is itself an offshoot of the tendency for the partners of male farmers to process, finish, or package what the male farmer harvests and takes to market. --fl]
Heather Corinna of the sex-ed site Scarleteen, and others, remind us that
September 25th is the last day to submit public comment on the proposed HHS regulations which are not only superfluous, but more importantly, would further limit access to reproductive healthcare (and other healthcare) services in the U.S., particularly for those who already have the greatest limitations to care, like teens.
It's so important to have public comment on this, so if you have not done so yet, take a few minutes tonight and be sure to get something in.
* * *
I am writing to urge you to stop efforts to block women's access to basic reproductive health services.
I understand that the proposed regulations that the Department of Health and Human Services released on August 21, 2008 expand existing law to allow more health care providers and institutions to refuse to provide needed care.
As written, the regulations could allow institutions and individuals -- based on religious beliefs -- to deny women access to birth control and permit individuals to refuse to provide information and counseling about basic heath care services. Moreover, they expand existing laws by permitting a wider range of health care professionals to refuse to provide even referrals for abortion services.
For those of us working in healthcare, the onus is on us to choose a clinic or an area of practice where we know we want to provide the healthcare services offered to clients, and which we feel is in alignment with our personal values or religious beliefs. It should not be on those seeking needed health services. It is our responsibility -- and we have the greater agency as as workers -- to seek out the work we want, and leave the work we do not want, or do not feel we can live with, to those who are supportive and can honor any given job description. It is also our responsibility to take a job earnestly, not disingenuously. In healthcare, we have an extra responsibility, which is to put our clients needs and their physical health -- not our ideas about their spiritual health -- ahead of our own, and to care for them in the way which is best for them, objectively, rather than in the ways we feel would be best for us, or feel our religion would mandate.
It's a pretty big deal and your comments (pro or, I guess, con) can make a big difference. The reproductive-health website passes along a link to an online comments form at Physicans for Reproductive Choice and Health. You can write your own comments or just use the template letter they provide. I've added mine, please consider adding yours.
Thank you!
figleaf
Memorable: "Remember if you're giving your bathtub spout a handjob [whispers] it doesn't add to your number!"
Doh! #1: via Feministing.
...I'd be able to put a more direct link than this one in my blogroll.
I'm guessing you've seen links to various video clips of Sarah Haskins. She seems to be a cast member of Infomania on the Current TV (cable?) channel.
Anyway, Ms.I emailed me a link to Haskin's recent riff on assumptions regarding the politics of PUMAs and I started digging further back, some of which I'd stumbled across before and most I hadn't.
The political content of her pieces are intelligent and well-informed, she and/or her producers make sharp use of TV production -- better use than a lot of other variety/personality (e.g. Letterman, SNL, SCTV) programming does -- and she's got great comic timing.
For instance here's a smartly prescient video she made after Senator Obama clinched the Blue nomination but before either party convention.
Anyway, if you've got a more specific link to her work I'll update my links.
Rori of Between My Sheets polled around for a list of the top 100 sex bloggers of 2008. Given what a non-sexy curmudgeon I've been lately I'm grateful to have made the cut but that's not why I think it's worth checking out.
Instead what's great is, first of all, the other 98 entries -- the many I knew about and the many others I didn't. Second of all? She purposely left the 100th entry blank
Why is #100 blank? Because I know there are dozens…hundreds…of other amazing sex bloggers out there, and I want everyone to be a part of this list. If you weren’t already include, please promote yourself and your blog with a comment below. You can also feel free to link to other people’s blogs in a comment. Anything goes! I hope you’ll copy/paste this list on your own blog, if you have one. You don’t have to link back here - just get the word out about these amazing bloggers. Or, create your own list!
Here's the list
1. Sinclair Sexsmith http://sugarbutch.net
2. Radical Vixen http://www.radicalvixen.com
3. Curvaceous Dee http://curvaceousdee.blogspot.com
4. Always Aroused Girl http://aagblog.com
5. Ellie Lumpesse www.lumpesse.com
6. Catalina http://catalinaloves.com
7. Selena Kitt http://selenakittyn.com
8-9. Wifey and Hubby http://wifeytalk.com
10. Roger http://wwww.dirtyboy2.blogspot.com
11. Essin¿ Em http://essin-em.com
12. Amber Rhea http://www.beingamberrhea.com
13-14. Richard and Amy http://247richardandamy.com
15-16. MJ and MJ¿s Slave http://www.aslavestruenature.blogspot.com
17. Thursday¿s Child http://thursdayschildhasfartogo.blogspot.com
18. Narration by D http://narrationbyd.blogspot.com
19. Andrea Zanin http://www.sexgeek.wordpress.com
20. The Provocateur http://theprovocateur.wordpress.com
21. Violet Blue http://tinynibbles.com
22. Autumn http://dreamsofaneroticaqueen.sensualwriter.com
23. SSS http://sweatshopsissy.wordpress.com
24. Storm http://ambientstorm.blogspot.com
25. Sub lyn http://longdistancesub.blogspot.com
26. Tara Tainton http://www.taratainton.com/tarastrysts/index.html
27. Jake http://factsandfriction.blogspot.com
28. Cherry Bomb http://cherrybombnyc.blogspot.com
29. Lakey http://fairelaffaire.blogspot.com
30. Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek http://femmeinistfucktoy.com
31. Glenpreece http://lastbreath.wordpress.com
32. Lolita Wolf http://www.leatheryenta.com
33. Vixen http://blue-eyedvixen.com
34. Tom Paine http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com
35. Tongue Tied Blue http://tonguetiedblue.blogspot.com
36. Maymay http://www.maybemaimed.com
37. Miss Bliss http://blog.blisswarrior.com
38. Mistress Maeve http://7d.blogs.com/mistress
39. Nadia http://www.kinkylibrarian.net
40. Luka http://barbedwireboudoir.blogspot.com
41-42. Odysseus and Penelope http://marriedexploits.blogspot.com
43. Eileen http://bloodylaughter.com
44. Calico http://dominatrixnextdoor.com/blog
45. Caroline Shepherd http://feministsexcarnival.blogspot.com
46. Kathleen http://polyspace.wordpress.com
47. Packing Vocals http://packingvocals.blogspot.com
48. Audacia Ray http://www.wakingvixen.com
49. Axe http://unspeakableaxe.com
50. Baccus http://www.erosblog.com
51. Chelsea Summers http://prettydumbthings.typepad.com/chelseagirl
52. Debauchette http://debauchette.wordpress.com
53. The Butterfly Temptress http://thebutterflytemptress.com
54. Dirty Little Girl http://dirtylittlemind.blogspot.com
55. Sexy Whispers http://sexywhispers.wordpress.com
56. Wendy Blackheart http://www.heartfullofblack.com
57-58. Padme and Anakin http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com
59-60. Him and Her http://sexcakes.blogspot.com
61. Slip of a Girl http://aslipofagirl.blogspot.com
62. Blowjob Babe http://strokesuckswallow.blogspot.com
63-64. Dirty Debbie and CJ http://dirtydebbie.blogspot.com
65. Scorpio http://adventuresofascorpio.blogspot.com
66. Charlotte http://charlottethorpe73.wordpress.com
67. Bitchy Jones http://bitchyjones.wordpress.com
68. Anastasisa http://www.chaosnoir.com/anastasia
69. Alice http://anonymous-alice.blogspot.com
70. Anita Wagner http://practicalpolyamory.blogspot.com
71. Jack http://writingdirty.com
72. Mistress Matisse http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com
73. Mariella http://wannaplaymariella.blogspot.com
74. O http://eros-logos.blogspot.com
75. Shasta Gibson http://shastagibson.com
76. Gwen http://www.pop-shot.blogspot.com
77. fivestar http://www.iamfivestar.com
78. Lilly http://dangerouslilly.com
79. Penny http://birdsaresmart.blogspot.com
80. Figleaf http://www.realadultsex.com
81. Tony http://www.comstockfilms.com/blog/tony
82. Viviane http://www.thesexcarnival.com
83. Six http://sixelaborates.wordpress.com
84. Bob http://bobsbestboobs.com
85-99. Fiammetta, Jill, Robyn, Scarlot, Melissa, Kitten, Karly, Holly, Surgeon, Stacey, Tara, Jessica, Gina, Wendy, and Tori http://deepthroated.wordpress.com
100.
If you wanted to start a blogroll that was more organized than mine that would be a great place to start.
[Oh, and lest more recent readers wonder what's the big deal about sex bloggers anyway or why I'd call myself one, here's why I blog about sex. --fl]
Ezra Klein on Bill Kristol's concern trolling of Senator Obama's non-selection of Sen. Clinton for VP.
People standing on glass ceilings shouldn't throw stones. Read it in context here.
Ok, so this is cool. Or, I mean, hot. Sarah Porricelli and Sarah Morgan had enough fun 
selecting the hottest male blogger (non-sex blogger Peter Shankman) that they going a step further and soliciting nominations for not one, not two, but an entire calendar's worth of hot bloggers!
When I first started blogging there were some pretty wonderful male sex bloggers, but probably not enough to fill a calendar. Now there are quite a few more and I think it's great. If you want to nominate someone (it obviously doesn't have to be me**, especially after being such a dull boy all summer) you can nominate your hottest male blogger here, and, since Porricelli and Morgan didn't want to follow Playboy's lead and select only from one gender, they're running a second contest so you can nominate your hottest female blogger here.
Key point, though: your nominees don't have to be hot *sex* bloggers. For instance while Peter Shankman was selected as the hottest he's just a great, eclectic, all-around sociable blogger and seemingly a darn good choice. The point is don't feel like you have to limit yourself to any category. (And since "hot" doesn't have to mean "hawtt" my choices, for instance, might be political blogger Ezra Klein for hot male blogger. And at least for today I might choose Rachel Maddow for hottest woman blogger.)
Further details here:
You nominate your Hot Blogger, male or female. Nominations will be accepted for just one week, from August 18-25. You can vote for yourself (we won’t tell!) or for any other blogger who makes you muy caliente!
But you must spread the word, because obviously, the more people who vote for
youyour nominee, the better chance thatyouyour nominee will be a finalist. Finalists will be announced August 25, and voting from August 25-September 1 will determine the Hot Bloggers who will grace your calendar pages throughout 2009.
Anyway if you're into these sorts of things tell *all* your friends.
[** The one fly in the ointment would be that being only 98.6 degrees (Fahrenheit) I'm not exactly *hot,* and that I'd bring that up says I'm not exactly cool either. Which, I guess, makes me only lukewarm... "But m'friends call me Luke." --fl]
Photo "Projection" by Flickr user dcassaa. Used under a Creative Commons license.
What Jesse Taylor said. Because, yeah, because *feminism* is responsible for all that.
The 5th Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy is up over at Amber Rhea's place. She's picked a great batch of entries from a wonderfully diverse group of bloggers. She's also graciously included my post The Scarlet Letter and the Law.
In case it helps increase their Google rankings, other contributors include Sarah of Season of the Bitch, Purtek, Sunflower_p, Ms. Naughty, Abby Lee, Melissa Gira, Holly of The Pervocracy, Susie Bright, Renegade Evolution, SnowdropExplodes, Dw3t-Hthr, Trinity, Jenny Penny, GallingGalla, Susan Portnoy, Sex Geek, Trish Wilson, La Libertine, AlwaysArousedGirl, Radical Vixen, Violet Blue, Ellie of Lumpesse, Emilie Dice, Miss Leon Symone, Debauchette, GraciePassette, Sam Remmer, Juhu Thukral, Monica at $pread, Alexa of The Real Princess Diaries, Caroline of Uncool, and, of course, Amber Rhea of Being Amber Rhea, who's post includes very nice summaries of the others.
Screenshot via Feministing, hosted by PhotoBucket.
I first noticed the Right Wing's decision to demonize Hillary Clinton some time in very late 1991 or early 1992. Although it must surely have begun warming up before then I associate it with the moment of their collective ZOMG-end-of-the-world flip-out over her post-election name change from "Hillary Clinton" to the scary-fezemeninist "Hillary Rodham Clinton"
And as I fretted last month they've wasted no time trying to smear Michelle Obama just as they would have Elizabeth Edwards, or Jill Tracey Jacobs (Joe Biden, not sure if she's taken his last name), or Barbara Flavin (Bill Richardson, ditto), Elizabeth Kucinich or even long-shot Rita Gravel.
As I've said, um, a lot since at least 1992, if you want to be a twit attack someone for her gender, or race, or orientation, or whatever instead of something substantive. The right wing, intellectually *as well as* morally bankrupt since ketchup as a vegetable, have nothing but twit.
This has worked because, evidently, until at least 2004 the center and left have had nothing but doofus. Not so much any more.
Jessica Valenti of Feministing says
Fox's Senior Vice President of Programming Bill Shine told the Politico that the producer responsible for labeling Michelle Obama "Obama's baby mama" in a segment "exercised poor judgment." Uh, yeah, I'd say so. (So much for a heartfelt apology.)
Via the newly-launched Michelle Obama Watch, created by What About Our Daughters. (Add it to your blogrolls, and get involved in keeping tabs on the media!)
I've added the site to my blogroll. Even if you're not a fan of the Obamas, if you'd rather they were engaged on a policy rather than personal level you might consider doing likewise. (Twittery, by the way, is not limited to 'wingers -- the left is starting to become disgracefully twittish about John McCain's age and I'd hate for that to interfere with his *enormous* lapses and gaps in substance.)
[Oh yeah, and "baby momma?" Seriously? What's worse is a lot of people are arguing "but they're married," and "but she's educated," and... and... and... yeah, and they're playing into the FOX News frame. Instead "baby momma" is only, and entirely, and inextricably a) racist and b) sexist. No other "talking points" are necessary whether you're talking about... well... *anybody!* --fl]
Photo by Flickr user Maproom Systems. Used under a Creative Commons license.
Dana Stevens of Slate.com's The XX Factor crystalizes the problem with Philip Weiss's "no-sex" class paradigm-cementing New York magazine article
...what Weiss tries to frame as a radical rethinking of marriage amounts to a code of conduct so familiar as to be reactionary. Hey, what if we lived in a world where, because of their struggles with monogamy, men were subject to a less restrictive set of sexual expectations than women? And what if, instead of working as, say, waitresses, young women could fashion alternate careers for themselves as professional "mistresses"? What if sloppy think-piece writers could conflate the practices of "empowered" courtesan-bloggers like Debauchette or the polyamorous authors of The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
with the sequestration and abuse of 14-year-old girls by the FLDS cult? Oh, wait, we're living in that world already.
Pretty definitive take down. There's really not much to add though I do have two words if you want a nice alternative answer that doesn't really depend very much on gender and even less on sociobiology and *does* include space for multilateral rather than unilateral libido and agency: Esther Perel
Photo by Flickr user Wurz. Used under a Creative Commons license.
The Third Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy is up over at Whatsername's Jaded Hippie. She included two of my posts plus someone else's refutation of one of them, and I'm satisfied that all three were selected. As usual I learned a lot from following other included links as well.
Photo by Flickr user equalaccessfundauction.
Jessica Valenti of Feministing says
The Equal Access Fund of East Tennessee is holding a silent auction on Flickr to raise funds for low-income women who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford reproductive health care services.
Roughly 37 years ago I was a teen volunteer for an East Tennessee crisis center. In those days, just before Roe vs. Wade, we had to raise funds not just for the procedures but for transportation -- nearly 500 miles to Washington, D.C. till the end of the first trimester, a few hundred more to New York for anything after. So in a way things have gotten better since then... but the obstacles for low-income women there are still pretty high.
As befits a region proud of its home craft traditions the items for the auction look locally made. Some of the items, like the knitted condom or compact tampon case, are adorable. Others like the male nude coloring books are wonderfully risque for the area. The silkscreened uterus undies, greeting cards, and Tights for Justice are serious fun.
Even if you, like me, tend to support your own local choice infrastructure the items themselves, plus the creative use of Flickr as a silent-auction tool, are worth a look.
What Ema of The Well-Timed Period said about the difference between 20 year old men and 20 year old women -- in general, yes, but under the current administration in particular.
Actually, technically, the difference being that young women with the same *political connections,* or political sympathies as the young man in question (the 20-year-old guy who got the nod from U.S. officials to supply $300,000,000 worth of shitty bullets and other munitions to the Afghanistan police and army) *are* permitted to make their own medical/reproductive decisions. Because "they're different." They "have their whole lives in front of them." Because they "weren't being irresponsible."
This evening I went to a fundraiser for Cedar River Clinics. It's one of only a handful of independent women's clinics left in the United States that provides full services including pregnancy termination. The fundraiser was not for the benefit of the women who get those "free passes," the ones who, as in the days before Roe simply "needed abdominal surgery, poor thing" with full complicity of discreet medical professionals. Instead it was to help those whom anti-abortion laws are designed to hurt most: those living in poverty, not speaking the dominant language, teenagers, the undocumented, the intimidated, the already ill, the overtaxed with other children, the domestically abused, those who don't live in the meager 15% of counties where abortion services are available and must therefore travel, and those who don't have money for a simple, early termination and must therefore race their bodies and the calendar to raise money for a riskier, far more expensive, later termination before it's too late even for that.
If you've got a little extra (where "a little" is as little as ten dollars) you can donate here. And, if you're up for something a little different, the inevitable anti-choice protesters are being put to good use with the clinic's creative Pledge a Picketer program.
So a subscriber review of the 2006 French film Lady Chatterley
Very Dull and slow. Lacks drama and substance. And the character were not attractive at all.
All absolutely true. Also completely irrelevant.
Hippolyte Girardot plays Clifford, Lord Chatterly, left invalid after service in World War I. Marina Hands is Constance, the eponymous Lady who's pretty but in the way of ordinary people, neither polished nor plucked nor permed. Meanwhile Jean-Louis Coullo'ch Parkin, the rawboned, vital, but neither young nor particularly handsome gamekeeper.
The movie takes *forever* to get anywhere. Not just the "good stuff" but *anywhere!* It gets there gorgeously, sure, such that anyone not waiting for the "good stuff" won't mind. Which, it turns out, is marvelously appropriate for conveying the impact of circumstantially *enforced* membership in the idealized "no-sex" class on a human woman. If the paradigm were valid then Constance should have been in paradise! A wealthy, accomplished, companionable-enough but physically incapable husband who's infirmities allow her her own bedroom, her own books, her needlepoint by the fire, her walks in the woods...
...her anguished reflection on her naked body in the mirror
... her sitting unmoving, sometimes for hours, her crossed hands curled limply in her lap...
...and eventually her failure to get out of bed at all...
Ok, maybe not so ideal but nevertheless all but her sister tacitly or openly remind her how right things are for her.
Actually I don't remember it in the movie but generally one addressed such problems in the old day by observing that young women often pine for...
...children. Because, you know, according to the paradigm even when women *do* want sex they want it for *something else.*
At any rate, this sets the scene for Constance's encounter with Parkin -- seen from a distance not at all the naked god of wood and vine bathing outside his cottage the way he's usually given to us in movies. Instead he's only naked to the waist, a huge, solid, torso, not Fabio handsome but able to stand unaided, unwounded, and, since he doesn't see her, unaffected by her.
And while Constance is clearly affected by Parkin's presence, but as she walks away she gasps for breath not from passion but from having grown utterly, nearly fatally weak from her passive, theoretically idealized, empty life.
And still the movie takes its time for her to slowly, slowly rebel against the role that was created for her by her culture.
The movie is as it should be. Dull and slow, with characters not attractive at all.
But scarcely without substance.
I'm not sure you'll find the film at Blockbuster but it's available on Netflix. You'd probably need to be in the mood and since, with such slow pacing landscape photography plays a pretty critical role, you'd want a pretty good screen to watch it on. That said I recommend it for the meditations of the first hour if nothing else.
Maybe ten, maybe fifteen years ago there was a little tidal wave of do-it-yourself family oral histories, aided by a couple of books, a number of popular press articles, and even at least one computer program.
The oral history model involves asking simple, clear, and very open-ended question that are designed not so much to get specific answers as to unlock whole corridors of memory.
Now, via Jess McCabe of The F-Word Blog's Sex-Ed for Adults project it turns out someone's
One of the many brilliant resources that I've come across through our sex-ed for adults project is the About.com sexuality blog.
Today they recommend an exercise about writing out your own sexual story. Not in the sense of a sexual history you might tell a doctor, or long list of conquests, but more a private diary, or opportunity to think through your experiences of sex and sexuality.
The organizing post, once again, is Cory Silverberg's "Writing Your Sexual History."
Writing your own sexual history is a different kind of exercise. It’s only for your benefit and as such you get to define the terms and parameters and even the questions. Whatever sort of change or growth your looking for in terms of your sexuality or your sex life, writing your own sexual history offers many benefits including:
- the chance to reflect on your experiences from your earliest memories to the present and think about the choices you’ve made and what resulted from those decisions,
- getting a big picture perspective, that can help you see patterns and paths that you might not have otherwise noticed,
the chance to identify the things you like and don’t like, and understand your sexual terrain in new ways,
- gaining a sense of emotional and psychological control over your sexual history and how you experience positive and negative past events in the present,
- getting more control over your current sexual behaviors.
Can I just try to stress how important this can be, not so much to others -- Silverberg isn't conducting research, just making suggestions -- as to *ourselves?* At least that's the way an awful lot of oral-history subject say when they've been given a chance. Like writing, and like those sometimes-crazy "survival" courses, and like... well... like a lot of other opportunities for introspection and self-examination you learn stuff about yourself you didn't think you knew... stuff you didn't believe could be *true.*
Pretty cool stuff, in other words.
Anyway, here's an example of the kind of bland and, when you think about it, serious but non-confrontive questions in Silverberg's list:
Sexual Values: Our position on issues such as monogamy, promiscuity, sex work, abortion, homosexuality and fundamental sexual rights may say a lot or nothing at all about who we are as sexual beings.
- What were some of the sexual values you were raised with?
- How have your values changed, and how have they remained the same over time?
- Can you remember a time when you experienced a conflict between your values and your desires?
Other subjects include fantasies, partners, influences, orientation, satisfaction, feelings, memories, and so on. Hey, if nothing else if you're a meme fanatic or you like quizzes... or even if you're just looking for new things to blog about. But it might also be an avenue for insight into not just how you are but who!
Anyway, figleaf says check it out.
[To bleg: "A blog entry consisting of a request to the readers, such as for information or contributions. A portmanteau of 'blog' and 'beg'. Also called 'Lazyweb.'" This post includes a request for information from readers, preceded by an explanation of why I'm interested. --fl]
So the other day I mentioned in a footnote that I'd like to find some good introductory feminism books for children age nine (approximately 3rd-4th grade U.S.) and up for my daughter (age 8) and son (age 11). In comments several other people with children said they were interested in the same thing. None of us are familiar with any specific titles.
SugarMag suggested in comments that her mom started her on easy-reader biographies of first-wave feminists and that sounds great.
Anyway, this is a serious request for titles that worked for you when you were a child, or that have worked for your children, or that you've just heard of and thing would work. If you've *written* such a book, or if a friend or relative has, then now's the chance to put in a not-even-all-that-shameless plug! If for maybe work-related reasons you don't feel comfortable commenting please consider emailing me.
Thanks!
Coincidentally commenters over at Twisty's place have contributed a similar list for much older girls and women.
Image from Amanda Marcotte's "Book ad up." post at Pandagon
Twisty Faster of I Blame The Patriarchy has the perfect book-jacket blurb for Amanda Marcotte's It's a Jungle Out There: The Feminist Survival Guide to Politically Inhospitable Environments
Jungle is all jokes, but it isn’t all jokey. Contained therein is some primo patriarchy-blaming. She takes on PETA, Hollywood, abstinence-only “education,” the famous anti-Girl Scout backlash, and plenty more. No, it’s not a lesbian separatist revolutionary tract, but I pity the hardcore radfem who doesn’t get a bang out this book.
I read the book last week on vacation and haven't had time to say nice things about it. I quite liked the book. Although there was this one personally embarrassing thing about it.
In format the book appears as a series of problems confronting women, with a brief intro, a bit of discussion, and then a list of things you can do. In other words it's laid out like most standard text-oriented travel/survival guides. And it's a great list of issues women, especially but not exclusively young academic or professional women, regularly find themselves confronting. In addition to the topics Twisty mentions there's...
Your conservative relatives discover you're a feminist? Check. Assumption that if you're vegetarian it's a feminist thing? Check. Men who like the "challenge" of dating feminists? Check. The office donut do-or-don't-damnation conundrum? Check. Intelligent defense of the Girl Scouts? Check. "Asshole-bleaching?" Check, and handled with all the dignity the subject deserves. Dealing with Nice Guys™, MRAs, fundamentalists, anti-choicers, and wedding consultants? Check.
Embarrassing admission of utter cluelessness while reading? For maybe the first five or ten chapters I kept reading these fantastically incisive, classically-Marcott-ish zingers in the chapter intros and then totally wincing at the comparable level of snark in her proposed remedies. I mean, I kept saying WTF? (You could see them in my copy of the book, right there, in the margins, in pencil.) I kept thinking the same thing about the so-over-the-top-it-almost-stops-being-appalling 50s-era mainstream adventure-babe comics cover and chapter-break art.
So what was my problem? I didn't notice the "politics/humor" classification. It reads like a snarky joke book because, incisive introductions aside it's a snarky *joke book!* Doh! The illustrations are offensive because Marcotte was offended. The suggestions are acidly (and if you get it, humorously) sarcastic because sincerity has so often been ignored or misinterpreted these last 37 years -- so might as well have fun while being misinterpreted.
Ok, so I might not give it to my eight year old right away, not till she's read a few more straight-ahead and age-appropriate introductions**. But I'll definitely give her a copy before she's ready for high school. I think it'll be perfect for her then, just like I think it'll be perfect all kinds of people high-school age and up.
[** Bleg: Speaking of which, what *are* the age-appropriate (3rd-5th grade, 6th-8th grade, and high-school level) introductions to feminism for kids? Preferably suitable for both girls *and* boys. Let me know in comments if you've got 'em. --fl]
Photo by Flickr user vivified. Used under a Creative Commons license.
Jess McCabe of The F-Word Blog says
Following on from Laura's post about the poverty of sex education in the UK, we got thinking about ways to fill in those gaps (and then some) for adults.
Me and Laura are looking to compile a listing of resources on safe, happy, consenting sex, relationships and sexuality, for the over 18 set, who can no longer benefit from whatever wisdom HMG and the national curriculum might impart. Can you help us?
Of course, we're particularly interested in anything which is coming from an explicitly or implicitly feminist perspective. And we're interested in making this as inclusive as possible. That means regardless of/aimed at all levels of experience (beginner to advanced!), sexuality, gender, kink or lack thereof, etc.
Book, blog, website, workshop, feminist/women's sex toy store, DVD, audio tape - whatever it is, we're interested! Not porn though, at least partly because that gets into contentious territory we're not really interested in for this one.
A few words on why you are making the recommendation would also be great. You can tell us anonymously if you so wish in the comments, or email us using the feedback form.
We've got a few resources listed in the bookshop's sex and relationships section, to get your thought process started.
I've quoted the whole post and please go there to leave any suggestions.
I think this is a fabulous initiative, and a much-needed one. Because almost all of us learn about sex at the same time we're undergoing adolescence it's not surprising we sometimes confuse the adolescence part with the sex part. That's actually fine *while you're an adolescent.* Not so hot if we never learn to migrate to real adult relationships or, well, um, *adult* sex.
I also have to say that it's a fabulous idea because unlike a lot of other stuff in the world, the obstacles to real adult sex are way more a product of simply not noticing, not knowing, or not thinking about stuff. Plus, compared to other stuff in the world the benefits of adult sex education tend to be enormous, immediately useful, and instantly appreciated.
Just to get the ball rolling, since I've just moments ago finished a quarter in a college-level sex-education program here are some recommended links that my instructors and fellow students thought were pretty useful.
- Go Ask Alice
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/about.html
Go Ask Alice! is the health question and answer Internet service produced by Alice!, Columbia University's Health Education Program - a division of Health Services at Columbia.
This site has three primary features:
- New GAA! Q&As of the Week gives you the latest inquiries and responses - this section is updated every Friday.
- Search GAA! lets you find health information by subject via a search of the ever-growing Go Ask Alice! archives containing nearly 2,600 previously-posted questions and answers.
- Ask Alice! gives you the chance to ask Alice! a question.
- New GAA! Q&As of the Week gives you the latest inquiries and responses - this section is updated every Friday.
- Babeland
http://www.babeland.com
- Disability and Sexuality
http://www.disabilityresources.org/SEX.html
- Equality Now website
http://www.equalitynow.org/english/navigation/hub_en.html
Equality Now was founded in 1992 to work for the protection and promotion of the human rights of women around the world. Working with national human rights organizations and individual activists, Equality Now documents violence and discrimination against women and adds an international action overlay to support their efforts to advance equality rights and defend individual women who are suffering abuse.
- The Gottman Institute
http://www.gottman.com/
Right here in Seattle we have one of the best relationship researchers in the country. The Gottman Institute is committed to helping couples using techniques built on substantial, reliable and valid research with couples. In addition, they hold useful workshops and train therapists.
- The Guide to Getting It On
http://www.goofyfootpress.com/
Here is the link for a very frank, amusing and completely useful sex guide, check it out.
- Guttmacher Institute
http://www.guttmacher.org/index.html
The Alan Guttmacher Institute (AGI) is a nonprofit organization focused on sexual and reproductive health research, policy analysis and public education.
- SEX EDUCATION: WHAT PEOPLE THINK
http://www.kff.org/kaiserpolls/pomr012904oth.cfm
A new project by National Public Radio, the Kaiser Family Foundation, and Harvard University's Kennedy School examines Americans' views on sex education in the nations public schools.
- Sexual Harassment: It's not academic.
http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/ocrshpam.html
- The Wet Spot
http://www.wetspot.org/
A sex positive community center in Seattle.
Note: Now known as the Center for Sex-Positive Culture and on the web at http://www.sexpositiveculture.org/
Again, if you've got suggestions of your own, please make them over at The F-Word Blog. Thanks!
[Note: I just so want a t-shirt like the one in the photo at the top! --fl]
Thanks to Ily of Asexy Beast for pointing me to a very cool new asexuality resource site called Apositive.org. When you first go to the site it presents a bit like a low-frequency blog with maybe five posts. It gets a little more lively in the navigation bar on the left, but it looks like the real action, and the real reason I already love this site, is sort of tucked away under "forums" in the row of links just below the title banner.
Click that and realize the site only *seems* sleepy. There's a lot of cool, cool community of people enthusiastic about exploring and supporting the diverse asexuality universe.
I gotta say that, first of all, if you're asexual or not sure then Apositive looks like a great community. But then I also gotta say if you're *not* asexual but you're open minded and curious what the rest of sexuality looks like from the outside then... Apositive is *also* a great community!
For example in this post in a discussion thread titled "Why not have sex?", a member named Omnes et Nihil says
I personally do identify very much as sex-positive, and this is rather important to me. (This is just MY PERSONAL take and in no way implies that others should do the same.) For me, being sex-positive is mostly political and ideological. I believe we live in an extremely sex-negative (oversexualised, but sex-negative) society, with a lot of shame and oppressive wierdness around sexuality, and I think that's a bad thing. And I see all that as very much tied to issues of sexism and heterosexism, and opposing them. For me, being sex-positive is very theoretical, with practical applications granted, but not at all about how I personally related to the idea or act of sex.
"I believe we live in an extremely sex-negative (oversexualised, but sex-negative) society..."
No, not a new insight but what economy of words! And leave it to an asexual to clarify exactly what it really means to be sex *positive.* And to at least subtly point out the difference between sexuality and sexualization. And oversexualization.
Consider anti-gay extremist minister Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas. There's no reason to believe Phelps dislikes or avoids actual sex, period, but if he wasn't so frantically oversexualized about same-gender sexuality he wouldn't be so morally, socially, and spiritually incapacitated by it. Or so negative about it.
Nor is Phelps' the only form of negativity. Consider the implications behind the words outrageous, daring, or shocking when they're used, with approval, in an effort to generate extra interest in sex. As if ordinary interest somehow wasn't enough.
Anyway, my point being that in a lot of ways asexuals are the best people to learn about human sexuality (though not so much the ins and outs of actual sex.)
Oh, and can I just also add that it's a breath of fresh air to hear men at Apositive confidently talking about their lack of interest, given the eternal message of men as the obligate sex class? That's pretty cool too.
Photo from Silent-Porn-Star's blog.
According to the very interesting Silent Porn Star's blog, one hundred years ago this year, Australian silent-film star Annette Kellerman was arrested for indecent exposure for wearing the swimsuit in the picture. Until she came along women's suits were actual dresses (usually wool knit!) with ankle-length pants!
It's worth noting that in the early 1900s Kellerman was deemed the world's most perfectly-formed woman. (No doubt sociobiologists have dozens of competing theories *all* of which explain how gene-based human standards of beauty could have evolved in just three or four generations.)
SPS, who puts a lot of work into humanizing early, early dancers and actresses, has quite a lot else to say about Kellerman in the original post. In addition to ending Victorian bathing-dress decency standards (which, she correctly argued, resulted in the drowning deaths of countless women) and appearing nude in pre-MMPA mainstream silent films she was a screenwriter, a swimming-education activist, a role model for Esther Williams, a physical-fitness instruction-manual author, and founder of a fitness club. Who knew?
In the face of my recognition of cool men manage to have sex lives (or not) without being ruled by it, I'd like to reiterate my recognition of asexuality as well. I got radicalized to asexuality years ago in a sexuality section of a progressive discussion site. A perfectly well-adjusted, non-abused woman piped up that she had no, zero, none interest in sex... and it just freaked everybody out.
And it's *not even a mistake* that it freaked anyone out because by and large asexual people just usually don't talk about it any more than I as a non-stamp collector talk about not collecting stamps.
So anyway, once I got over *my* initial shock and started listening to her I learned a heck of a lot not just about asexuality but about sexuality as well. (And also, obviously, a lesson about how people can *talk* about orientation and tolerance until you run into someone who's just not interested.)
Same when I read Joan Sewell's I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido
And now I've just happened across Ily of asexy beast who's put together an "Asexuality 101" post.
Okay, so it's not exactly the next New York Times #1 Bestseller, but it is an advanced reading copy...of something. This is my draft for the Stanford LGBT group's info card about asexuality. So if you've been wanting some basic information, read on...
Anyway, because there are so few asexuals blogging about it, even though at any point up to 15% of the adult men and women may be practicing temporary or lifetime asexuals, I've added to my blogroll.
So through a Technorati link I discovered Rachel Kramer Bussel's got a cross-dressing erotica blog. Although I tried cross-dressing once for a HNT photo I didn't get enough of a rise either for myself or from readers to bother trying it again. (Note: just because it doesn't get my motor running doesn't mean I don't totally get that it really revs other people up.)
But anyway, I noticed that Vixen of Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen showed up in her partner's button-down shirt for today's HNT, and between that and finding Rachel's blog immediately afterwards I got the cross-dressing epiphany that a woman in a man's shirt is, like, the hottest kind of lingerie you can get. Mmm. Forget untying bows and laces, how about unbuttoning buttons one by one!?!?
Men's shirts on women. Manly, yes, but I like it too! :-)