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Odd Exception to Ingrained Male Cross-Gendered Role-Behavior Avoidance Reflex

Mon, 2010-08-23 01:05 — figleaf

Although I got over the practical problem years ago I still feel that reflexive self-consciousness when I hold or carry someone’s purse for them in public situations like crowded bars.

I noticed by its absence that I don’t have no trace of that reflex while holding or carrying two women’s purses in a crowded bar.

That is all.

Half-Nekkid Thursday Post - Hanging Around the House

Thu, 2010-08-19 12:31 — figleaf

If you’re into that sort of thing I’m still (relatively) quietly participating in the Half-Nekked Thursday meme.

View this week’s (work safe) entry here.

Momentum Conference: Making Waves in Sexuality, Feminism, and Relationships Through New Media

Mon, 2010-08-09 14:53 — figleaf

Via AlwaysArousedGirl there’s a new conference on the way, MOMENTUM: Making Waves in Sexuality, Feminism and Relationships Through New Media. The principle organizers are Tess of Urban Gypsy and Diva of Debauched Domestic Diva.

Here’s Tess

It was a beautiful evening in June when we walked NYC’s High Line with Figleaf of Real Adult Sex [Blush —fl] discussing our ideas for a new sexuality conference.  Diva and I had been mulling it  over ourselves for a while, motivated and inspired by Amber Rhea’s Sex 2.0 and the Sex in America panel at NYC’s Open Center.  We knew we were close but had not quite nailed down what our concept would be and how to combine these two amazing events.  When Figleaf suggested what was missing was relationships, all the pieces came together.  After all sexuality and feminism don’t exist in a vacuum but amid a myriad of relationships.  And so, Tied Up Events is now happy to announce MOMENTUM: Making Waves in Sexuality, Feminism and Relationships Through New Media, a conference taking place on April 1st to April 3rd, 2011 in Washington, DC.

MOMENTUM explores how the phenomenal growth of online communication has given rise to an amazing amount of sharing, learning and experimenting with different expressions of sexuality, relationships and feminism. MOMENTUM provides a safe place to listen, discuss and learn about the ways the web has impacted our sexuality without the fear of reprisal or shaming. It is a space for acceptance and appreciation of diversity, including for those in the LGBTQ, sex-work, BDSM and non-monogamous communities.

During MOMENTUM we will discuss ways to bridge the baffling dichotomies our culture creates around sexuality. While on one hand we have unprecedented sexual freedom, on the other we continue to police sexuality with a frightening vigor. Abortion laws, restrictions on gay marriage, abstinence programs, medicalization of sex, fear of pornography and prosecutions for teenage sexting are examples of one side of the spectrum. The discomfort that strives to make us keep our sexuality hidden conflicts with the use of sex — especially the female body — to sell everything from food to cars to “performance enhancing” products.

Each participant will leave the conference with new perspectives, new connections, and a plan to carry the MOMENTUM forward into 2011 and beyond.

We’re now calling for presenters to submit their ideas for sessions at MOMENTUM.  Please explore the official site, MomentumCon.com, where you’ll find all you need to know, including how to submit a proposal for a session, how to register to attend, and how to take advantage of early bird pricing.

Fascinations has generously agreed to be the primary corporate sponsor of MOMENTUM and we want to thank them very much for their support of this event.

If you think the site absolutely rocks as much as we do, that’s only because of the help, guidance and technical know-how of Dangerous Lilly and the website design skills of AAG.  We’re indebted to you both.*

She said it here.

Personally I can’t say how happy I am to see a conference that includes relationships. If you’ve read my blog long enough you’ve probably noticed I tend to use very expansive definitions of common words. Sex, for instance. Feminism too. So it shouldn’t surprise you that I have a very expansive definition of relationships as well.

Despite whole aisles of bookstore shelves devoted to relationships assumptions about conventional long-term relationships, such as the (incorrect) notion that single people have sex less often than coupled people do or that passion inevitably fades with infatuation. But consider, for instance, the complex but utterly overlooked obligations implied in allegedly casual “no-strings attached” relationships. And why do we tend to assume a relationship that’s not lifelong is time wasted on a failed relationship? And then there’s the peculiarity that some extremely short-term encounters in BDSM circles may involve more express negotiation and checking in than all too many “old fashioned” traditional married couples may have in an entire lifetime together. None of this is to slight or belittle long-term relationships at all! I’m not even suggesting that our familiarity with the triumphs, traumas, and tropes of long-term relationships has bred contempt. Again not at all.

I also can’t say how happy I am to hear that includes relationships in the context of sexuality and feminism/gender-studies. One of the tenets of classic radical feminism (as opposed to contemporary separatist “radfem” feminism) is that the ultimate oppression, the template for all social oppression, ultimately derives from the (non-kink) economic, familial, and physical domination of one relationship partner over the other in the privacy of their own home. 40 years after that early construction we’ve learn, of course, that such domination is not and has never been confined to heterosexuals. But the point remains that what happens in the bedroom does not always stay in the bedroom. And of course a huge component of feminist and gender studies is the part where what does not happen in the bedroom highly influences what does. And as for romance in the feminist era, if she wanted to present I’d love to hear Sadie Doyle talk about her take on Cristina Nehring’s A Vindication of Love:.

The list of misunderstandings about sex workers and relationships could fill a book. Beginning with the misconception that commercial relationships exclude any other form of relationship. Another book might be filled with insights sex workers could bring about their customer’s relationships.

I’d love to spend a little time talking about how much we all “know” about sex and relationships comes from what we remember as developing teenagers… and then fail to reconsider when we become real adults.

Sigh! I could go on for days about why I’m looking forward to this particular dimension of the conference. And while relationships happen to be the big reason I’m interested it’s still just one of the dimensions.

MOMENTUM: Making Waves in Sexuality, Feminism and Relationships Through New Media, a conference taking place on April 1st to April 3rd, 2011 in Washington, DC.

Back After Being Out of Digital Range For Longer Than I'd Expected

Sun, 2010-08-01 14:06 — figleaf


Photo by Flickr user figleaf (hey, that’s me!) Posted under a Creative Commons license.

Just got back from the digital middle of nowhere in the middle of the state of Maine. Had a great time in the real world with what at times seemed like a million relatives but was never more than 200 and was usually less than 15, on islands, on ponds, in hardwood forests, and planes, trains, automobiles, subways, buses, cars, ferries, kayaks, and on foot.

But not, unfortunately, on line!

Even in Boston the connections were sparse. It didn’t help that for the second time in as many years the battery on my Macbook decided to start bulging out of its case instead of, you know, storing and retrieving electricity. Nor did it help that I’ve got an iPhone, and, consequently, cellular and data service from AT&T.

So…

I learned to swim efficiently. I learned how to cook lobster. Even though I vastly prefer crab. Got a lot closer to a lot of in-laws. Read a ton of cheap novels. Listened to the mad calls of loons on the lakes. Watched my children gorge on wild blueberries they could reach by swimming or paddling with their cousins little islands in the lake no too far from shore. Hung out in a wood-fired sauna gossiping, exfoliating with loofahs, and leaping into deliciously cool-not-cold water when we overheated. Got teased for having zero tan. Got up every morning and watched the sun’s reflection glowing off the water through the trees. Napped frequently. Had feverishly erotic dreams, brought on no doubt by the almost complete lack of privacy that comes from too many relatives of too many ages and backgrounds sharing just a bit too little space and a little too much going on at all times for anyone to discretely slip away with their sweetie for a little quiet time.

Anyway, I’ve got a million emails, texts, voice mails, and plain old mail mails to catch up on, dozens of posts I need to polish up and (I hope) post, and… now that I’m back in town… a house that needs keeping up, a family that needs feeding, income that needs, somehow, to be earned, and…

I’m 99%... not quite 100%... glad to be back.

Posting will resume.

Why Julie Metzger's "Heart to Heart on Growing Up" Courses Rock

Tue, 2010-07-27 17:17 — figleaf

For the record I just can’t say enough good things about Julie Metzger’s “For Girls Only: A Heart to Heart Talk on Growing Up,” offered through Seattle Children’s Hospital community classes program. In the controlled chaos of a combined family reunion and extended wedding celebration for an older cousin my daughter was thoroughly yet casually ready to handle getting her first period with her usual grace, ability, and understated flair, yes, but also with the knowledge, understanding, and preparation she got from Julie’s course.

Just saying.

Sex Being A Subject Area and Not a Brand, If You Blog About Sex You're Probably a Sex Blogger

Fri, 2010-07-16 20:22 — figleaf

Apropos of no one in particular but in keeping with an ongoing theme of mine about terminology there’s been a tendency over the years for bloggers to distinguish themselves from other people who blog about sex on the grounds that those people are sex bloggers but and/or so I must not be one.

My rule of thumb for telling if you’re a sex blogger? If the only people willing to advertise on your site sell products that are somehow related to sex then whether you like it or not (and you might not), and whether you identify that way or not (and you might not) then at least in the eyes of the world you’re a sex blogger.

You Don't See That Everyday -- Just Got Doorbelled By Two Women Preaching About a Christian God the Mother

Tue, 2010-07-06 16:14 — figleaf

Ok, so in the past I’ve mentioned my religious ancestry a couple of times — the missionaries, the street preachers, the circuit-riding preachers, and the great-grandfather who helped found Christian Fundamentalism. I don’t think I’ve mentioned the inviolate morning ritual where after breakfast at my grandparents where everyone who could read even a little bit was obliged to sit together around the breakfast table reading in turn from the Bible. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that the roots of my liberal/progressivism come from lessons I learned in Sunday schools and vacation Bible school — lessons about forgiveness, about charity, about tolerance, about equality, and especially about the significance of every living human being and the importance of discounting no one. I’ve mentioned how shocked I am that modern conservative “Christians” appear to want to outright repeal of the Sermon on the Mount (the “blessed are the meek” one) and the Sermon at Gethsemane (the “hypocrites” one) and pretty much everything else I ever learned were the point of being religious.

Point being that while I, um, grew away from my religious upbringing I’m still pretty informed by it. And pretty familiar with it.

So a couple of minutes ago two conservative-missionary-looking young women rang my doorbell. And because I was raised to be polite even to obnoxious strangers I started composing a polite way to wish them luck with whoever they talked to next.

But then they said something that I really, completely, absolutely hadn’t expected: they were enrolled in a nearby seminary and were learning to spread the word about God the Mother.

God the Mother?

And I thought, woah, maybe they’re from one of the other Goddess-worshiping groups that go around. But no, they’re Christian all right, right down to the well-thumbed and highlighted NKJV Bibles. But they were still talking about God the Mother and citing chapter and verse in all the familiar ways with the difference being how if you want to get to Heaven you needed to understand that there’s a God the Mother.

I don’t buy it. Not anymore than I would any other doorbelling missionaries. And I have to say that based on what it actually says in the old and new testaments they’re really grasping at straws.

But no more so than anyone else trying to dig interpretations out of the world’s most Rorschach-ian tome.

After about 15 minutes I thanked them politely, and wished them luck with whoever they talked to next.

But wow.

Just wow.

They were dead earnest. They weren’t fooling. They weren’t particularly feminist in any of the meaningful senses of the word. They certainly seemed comfortable with the rest of patriarchal thinking — for instance I didn’t get any traction when I asked about some of the classic bugaboos of feminist theology. They didn’t sound like they’d heard of any of it nor did they seem at all interested.

But they’re convinced, using chapter and verse, that Jesus had a heavenly mother, and that the Book of Revelations says when he comes back he’ll come back with an equally-divine “bride.” And that if you don’t believe in these mothers and brides as much as you believe in the more traditional fathers and sons you won’t go to heaven.

Which, if true, would be an extremely rude shock to all my myriad, utterly Patriarchal ancestors. And the other roughly 99.99999% of Christianity through the ages.

Still, I’m willing to bet their denomination (I think they might have roots in a Korean branch of the Church of God?) wouldn’t be opposed to the ordination of women priests the way, say, Catholics are (assuming they even have priests, which Protestants usually don’t.) Nor might they be so dead set on women staying home barefoot, pregnant, ignorant, and utterly dependent on their “lord and master” husbands the way, say, the Southern Baptist Convention is. Or maybe they do, I dunno, but at least they let women go proselytizing independently, which I only remember seeing Seventh Day Adventists do.

Not much else to say about them except maybe they call themselves Elohims based on a plural, multi-gender ending on one of the original Hebrew words for God.

Anyone else ever heard of this?

Not much else to

Since It's a Holiday Weekend, Here From My Server Logs are 500 Ways People Search to Find My Most Popular Post

Sun, 2010-07-04 22:14 — figleaf

By far the most-popular, most Googled/Yahoo’d/Binged-for post on this blog has been How to find someone’s clitoris (if you don’t already know). I didn’t write it intending it to be a mainstay internet sex-ed resource.

And indeed it isn’t! In Google it’s approximately the 500th reference for the most commonly used phrase, “How to find the clitoris!” 500th! In Google’s default mode of 25 hits per page you’re talking about someone who’s had to click the little “next” arrow roughly 20 times before they’d get to mine!

And yet?

And yet!

Hundreds of people do it every day!

Whatever else you can say about people’s ignorance (and you can actually say a lot) you can’t say nobody cares.

So to celebrate American fireworks day, and to celebrate the fact that it’s a very slow day for posts in the U.S., and to celebrate my standing as the 500th-most-common link on that particular keyword*, here’s the top first 500 (500!) key-phrases people have used to find that page. (500!!!!) Note — to avoid screwing up anyone else’s searches, and to avoid looking too much like spam, I’ve replaced the word and all it’s various spellings, misspellings, and wild-assed guesses with underscores.

# ————————————————————
# Table
# ————————————————————
Keyword
how to find the ________
________
how to find the ________
finding the ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find ________
find the ________
find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find a ________
find ________
finding ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find her ________
how to find ________
how to find my ________
how to find her ________
________ pictures
finding her ________
________
how to find the ________
show me the ________
how to find a girl’s ________
show me a ________
show me ________
see my ________
show me a ________
________ erection photos
find her ________
hard to find ________
hot to find the ________
small ________
________ photos
________ pics
finding a girls ________
finding the ________
how do you find a girls ________
how to find the ________
show me ________
find my ________
hard to find ________
how to ________
how to find the ________ on a girl
how do i find my ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find the ________
find a ________
hot ________
how to find a ________
how to find a girl’s ________
how to find the ________ in the dark
wide open ________
best way to find the ________
can’t find ________
________ erection
________ hard to find
________ how to find
________ photo
________ photos
find ________
find her ________
how to find a small ________
how to find the ________ in the dark
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
my ________
show me ________
show me your ________
________ show
________ photo
hot to find a girls ________
how can i find my ________
how find ________
how to find the ________
my wife’s ________
where to find a girls ________
________ finding
do ________ get hard
easy way to find the ________
find a girls ________
finding ________ in the dark
girl ________
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find girls ________
how to find girls ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________ on a girl
how to find the ________
how to find your ________
how to find your own ________
how to locate a girl’s ________
see her ________
slide your penis back and forth ________ rub head
where is a girls ________
best ________
best way to find ________
can’t find the ________
cant find my wifes ________
________ find
________ on ________
________
________ hunt
does a ________ get hard
does ________ get hard
easy way to find ________
erect ________ photos
erecting ________ photos
find ________
find girls ________
find that ________
finding a girl’s ________
finding a girls ________
finding ________
finding her ________
finding the ________ in the dark
finger ________
girls ________
hard ________
hooded ________
how 2 find the ________
how find the ________
how to find a ________ on a girl
how to find a ________ in the dark
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a small ________
how to find ________
how to find my ________
how to find small ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the girls ________
how to find your ________
how to get a ________ hard
how to locate the ________
how to locate your own ________
i can’t find the ________
is the ________ hard to find
mouthing the ________
my ________ is hard to find
open ________
photos ________
photos of the ________
pictures of the ________
show me a real ________
show me how touch the ________ by pics
show me pics of the ________
show me that ________
show me where the ________ is
show your big ________
small ________ photo
tip of the ________
tongue on ________
wheres a girls ________
wife’s ________
“how to find the ________”
“locating ________ with the tongue”
*________
30 year old photos ________ shaved
a girl’s ________
abby winters ________ ________ose ups
abby winters ________ pics
abby winters ________
abbywinters+________
adult ________ women
adult female ________ pictures
adult sex girle ________
asstr licking ________
base of ________
best ________
best ever ________
best way to find a girls ________
best way to find the ________
best way to find the ________
big buts ________ woamen picture
biger ________
boys discover preteen girl’s ________
can a ________ get hard
can u run your tongue down somones ________
can’t find her ________
can’t find my wife’s ________
can’t fnd my wife’s ________
cannot find glans ________
cant find a girls ________
cant find ________
cant find her ________
cant find my wifes ________
chow me the ________ of a girl
________ being erected
________ blog
________ cir________es or back and forth
________ display
________ erect and hard
________ erection photos
________ foto
________ getting hard
________ girl
________ hood hot girl
________ hot
________ magazines
________ owm
________ pictures of girls
________ shaft pics
________ shudder
________ tip
________ to ________
________ vagina adult
________ watch
________
________
________ sex.com
________ medicine airplane
________
________ kiss porno
________ photo
________ sex photos
________ erection photos porn
________ erection pics
________ errection photos
________ et sex
________ exploring pictures
________ find the
________ fingering
________ girls small
________ hard to find
________ in hand pics
________ is hard to catch
________ lick guide pics
________ location photo
________ photo locate
________ real photos
________ sex
________ sex photo
________ the big one
________ where place photo
________ σεχ
________
________ games
________ grow big porm
________ his ass
________ kissing ________
________ vagina
________ose-up lesbian ________ tongue
cunt photos and erect ________
dark ________ pics
dark ________
diagram human vagina ________ erection
discovering a woman ________
do ________ get hard?
doctor checks girls ________ ________ose up
does ________ get stiff
does the ________ get hard?
drawing ________
easier to find ________
easiest way to find a small ________
east way to find the girls ________
easy way to find a ________ on a girl
easy way to find ________ in the dark
easy way to find ________
easy way to pop her ________
educational images woman exploring ________
educational pictures of a ________
educational porn how to find the ________
emily naomi ________ fingers
emma james ________
engorged ________ pics dry
erect ________ pics
erected ________ porn
erectile ________ you porn
erection of ________
erections ________
erections of the ________ photographs
erotic ________ by private
exploring ________
exploring my ________
exploring the ________
fastest way to find the ________
female vagina show me a________
fibd my ________
figleaf real adult ________
find a girl ________
find a girl’s ________
find and show big ________
find ________ dark
find ________
find ________ dark
find ________ fingers
find ________ with tongue
find ________
find ________
find girls ________
find her ________ every time
find her ________
find her ________
find it hard to wax the ________
find my wifes ________
find the ________ everytime
find the ________ fingers
find the ________ with fingers
find the ________
find the ________
find the ________ in the dark
find the ________
find the ________
find the ________
find thé ________
find. a. ________
finding a chicks ________
finding a ________
finding a females ________
finding a girl’s ________
finding a girls ________
finding a older womans ________
finding a small ________
finding ________ big lips
finding ________ in hairy pussy
finding ________ in the dark
finding ________ pictures
finding ________ tongue
finding ________ with tongue
finding girls ________
finding girls ________
finding girls ________
finding my wife’s ________
finding small ________
finding the ________ every time
finding the ________ in the dark
finding the ________ on a hairy pussy
finding the ________
finding the ________ when a girl has big lips
finding the ________
finding the girl’s ________
finding the wifes ________
findng the ________
fing thge ________
finger her ________
fingering ________
fingering the ________
first erect ________
fondling of the girl ________
full screen and masturbating, ________ tickling
full view of naked cunt pointing to the ________ video
g spot & ________ sex secrets
girl ________
girl discovery ________
girl finding ________ for first time
girl finds ________
girl fingers ________
girl measure ________
girl measure ________
girl nibbles ________
girl playing with ________
girl show ________
girl shows how to find ________
girls and ________
girls ________ picture
girls ________
girls playing with ________
girls stroking ________
girls sukn my ________
girls with ________
good ________ picture
google ________ porn
google porn ________
har to find the ________
hard ________ photos
hard ________ pictures
hard ________
hard ________
hard to find ________
hard to find ________
hard to find ________
hard to find ________
hard to find partner ________
hard to find the ________
hard to see ________
her ________
her ________ picture
high school girl ________
hoe to find ________
hooded ________ being opened
hot ________
hot over 30 ________
hot tiny ________
hot to find my ________
hot to find the ________
hot to find the ________
hot to identify ________ in girls pussy
how big is a womens ________ pics
how can i find my ________
how can i make my ________ bigger
how can i make my ________ erect
how can i play with my hard ________
how come it’s hard to see the ________
how do i check my ________
how do i find a girl’s ________ without looking
how do i find a girls ________
how do i find a girls ________
how do i find a small ________
how do i find her ________
how do u find a girl’s ________
how do u find someones ________
how do you find a girls ________
how do you find a girls ________
how do you find a girls ________
how do you find the ________ on a firl
how do you find the ________ on a girl
how do you know the ________ is hard
how find a ________
how find her ________
how find the ________ on a small pussy?
how hard is the ________ to ind
how i kiss or lik the girls ________ with photos
how is it hard to find the ________
how to “find a girls ________”
how to arouse a via ________
how to best find the ________
how to fimd small ________
how to find a ________ in the dark
how to find a ________
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girls ________ quickly
how to find a girls ________ to finger
how to find a girls ________ with out looking
how to find a girls ________ without looking
how to find a girls ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a old woman’s ________
how to find a tiny ________
how to find a very small ________
how to find a woman’s ________
how to find an unshaved woman’s ________
how to find and rub your ________
how to find big ________
how to find ________ in a girl
how to find ________ in agirl
how to find ________ in dark
how to find ________ in the dark
how to find ________ ina girl
how to find ________ pics
how to find ________ with tongue
how to find ________
how to find ________
how to find ________
how to find ________
how to find ________
how to find ________ pics
how to find ________ porn
how to find ________ tendon
how to find ________ with fingers
how to find ________
how to find ________ with pictures
how to find ________
how to find for her ________
how to find girl ________
how to find girl’s ________
how to find girls ________
how to find girls ________
how to find he ________
how to find her ________ everytime
how to find her ________ in the dark
how to find her ________ without looking
how to find her ________
how to find her ________ in the dark
how to find her ________ forum
how to find my ________
how to find my ________
how to find my ________
how to find my wifes ________
how to find small ________
how to find the “________”
how to find the a ________
how to find the ________ a girl
how to find the ________ easily
how to find the ________ of a girl
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________ in the dark
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________ ?
how to find the ________ in the dark?
how to find the ________ through panties
how to find the ________ with your finger
how to find the ________
# ————————————————————————————————————————

Happy 4th of July

* The post is actually #1 for the keyphrase “how to find someone’s clitoris” but it’s not all that commonly searched for. —fl

On Dismissing "Vanilla" Sex As Common But Not "Salty" Sex... Even Though Salt Is Common Too

Tue, 2010-06-22 16:10 — figleaf

In comments to my post Ok, Time to Stop Treating Healthy Vanilla Relationships as if We Already Know Everything That Needs to be Known About Them ImogenQuest said

Even the label “vanilla” is interesting in that respect. I noticed the other day that, as I’ve gotten older, the taste of vanilla is no longer bland/neutral/sweet. It tastes that way to kids, and artificial vanilla is like that, but real vanilla is dark, smoky and spicy as well as sweet. Make of that what you will.

I say oh heck yeah!

Like a lot of other heavily-oxidized aromatic natural ingredients vanilla’s awesomely complex. And, at least until they synthesized vanillin and started putting it into everything on the planet, it was considered exotic, erotic, and mysterious. But they put it in everything not because it’s cheap but because it’s delicious! Or check this out — you know what ingredient is even more basic, universal, and “generic” than vanilla? Salt, right? And yet nobody scorns someone else for being sexually “salty.”

Audio Version of "Define Your Terms Before Debating," From Presentation

Tue, 2010-06-15 17:47 — figleaf

On the offhand chance you’d like to hear just how often I can say “um” in a single sentence, Maymay of KinkForAll.org has posted an audio version of my first public presentation in several years (and only about my third public presentation ever!)

Here’s a link to the audio version.

And here’s a link to the possibly less-caffeinated post I wrote in conjunction with it: Define Your Terms Before Debating: The Social Construction of Porn and Erotica

Also, now’s as good a time to add something I didn’t say either in the presentation or its accompanying post. To determine or even adopt one’s opponents terms in a debate is not the same thing, at all, as unilaterally compromising with one’s opponent. Nor does it have to be a giant ordeal — for instance you could just say “Before we go any further when I say ‘porn’ I mean all materials with erotic or sexual content of any kind. What do you mean when you say ‘porn?’”

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