clit

Five Topics For Men Who Care About Feminism

Thu, 2009-03-19 16:28

Courtney Martin of AND teaches men what and where the clit is (just sayin’)

2. advocating for more family friendly work policy for all and changing the culture of work machismo among men

3. reflecting on how much $$ goes into male athletic culture, and how linked it is to violence off the field

4. changing the culture to give men more permission to identify, manage, and talk about their emotions

5. an intersectional approach to incarceration, poverty, and race that includes a gender analysis

Read the quote in context here.

It’s a fair request. Call it the other side of “whut about teh menz?” Because it’s not just about how patriarchy or whatever hurts men, it’s about what are men doing about it.

The following mixed thoughts aren’t actual contributions, just reflections on which of those items I think of myself as able to competently address.

To be honest I don’t know much about male athletic culture. As the painfully skinny, bookish, highly asthmatic kid in most classes I didn’t gravitate towards sports till, really, my mid-30s. The athletes I have known have tended to be of the small liberal-arts-school persuasion than the steroid-packing, “scholarship” hacking, women-smacking collegiate and professional kind that… possibly unfairly considering absolute overall numbers of amateur athletes worldwide… damns all of sports. I will say it’s taken decades to realize that much of my animosity towards organized sports derived from… yet still other forms of… call it alt-male-macho culture.

If I have to leave sports macho to people with more experience I can say whole-heartedly that as a stay at home dad who really really enjoys it I don’t just advocate for family-friendly (and non-gender specific) work policies, I think it’s tragic that men, especially from older generations, haven’t had more time, even just more flex time, to spend not just “being there for” their families but weaving themselves right into the fabric of it.

I’m going to go… ok, not that far out on a limb at all… and say that the measure of whether a sex education course is whether or not it involves critical examination of power, rape, and violence inside relationships. I think that’s a good criteria, by the way, because if a course doesn’t go there then even if it’s progressive as far as maturity-assessment, preparedness conversations, consent, and contraception (instead of just abstinence) it’s still primarily about keeping the kids from knocking themselves up and therefore… not comprehensive.

About teaching men to find someone’s clitoris, since March, 2006, my biggest cluster of server-log search terms and my most-visited page by an order of magnitude would be How to find someone’s clitoris (if you don’t already know). Hmm, 2006. Not sure what I’ve done lately.

Despite having been homeless for nearly two years and nearly homeless for another two I don’t really think I know that much about poverty, let alone incarceration, in gendered terms, beyond what I know about street people and subsistence-level criminals… who, for all their (necessary… they’re on the street… they’re on Cops!) visibility are just a fraction of the real poor in America.

I could be talking a lot more about those things.

Eeek! It doesn't *sound* like a syndrome!

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Thu, 2005-05-12 15:16

Ok, so I didn’t know there was a difference between Hypersexuality and Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome. Actually, while I’d heard of hypersexuality before I’d never heard of PSAS.

The following post will seem to ramble a bit but it follows the path I took through the non-blogging internet to find something new.

In case you’re wondering, part 1

After reading DTG’s post, There’s more to a clitoris than meets the eye (which you should go read) I remembered a fairly low-res MRI of people having intercourse and that made me wonder if there have been any advances in the field (there have but that links only to abstracts so no actual images.)

In case you’re wondering, part 2

One of the abstracts, MRI of female genital and pelvic organs during sexual arousal, Suh DD, Yang CC, Cao Y, Heiman JR, Garland PA, Maravilla KR.

Department of Urology, University of Washington I found suggests good clitoral imaging exists somewhere so I started Googling around and came across…

Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome in Women, Sandra Leiblum, PhD; Sharon Nathan, PhD on a site called FemalePatient.com, a peer-reviewed Ob/Gyn journal.

And that’s how I wound up finding out about PSAE in women. I’ll dwell here for a moment before going on to PSAE in men. I will arrive at a conclusion if you’re patient. :-)

Here’s what Leiblum and Nathan have to say in their article:

Whereas hypersexuality refers to excessive desire with or without persistent genital arousal, PSAS refers to physiologic arousal in the absence of conscious desire, which is what makes it so perplexing. While some women can identify a reliable trigger for the feelings of arousal, other women cannot pinpoint a cause for the unrelenting feelings of vaginal vasocongestion and sensitivity. They worry that they might have a pathologic process that requires medical evaluation. It is sometimes for this reason, rather than the subjective distress, that they seek medical consultation and evaluation.

Although the authors have not been able to find any other reference to this condition in the medical or psychiatric literature, Riley described a case of premenstrual hypersexuality that seems similar to PSAS. The case involved a 22-year-old single woman who had lost her job as a result of an intense need to masturbate frequently during the 3 to 4 days prior to menses. She felt the need to masturbate in the lavatory at work up to 12 times daily in addition to sessions at home and even in the car going to work. During these premenstrual days, she reported a continuous state of sexual arousal, with intense tingling in the clitoris and a feeling of vaginal warmth. There was a major increase in genital secretion at this time, which soaked her underclothes and sometimes resulted in a wet patch on her skirt. The genital sensations rose rapidly in intensity, causing her to seek relief through orgasm by self-stimulation; if she did not attain orgasm, the sensations became unbearable. These sensations were not accompanied by sexual fantasies.

In the case reported by Riley, the feelings of continual sexual arousal generally disappeared within 24 hours after the onset of menses, and the patient reported normal sexual needs at other times of the month (ie, she did not actively search for sexual partners, and masturbated only once every 4 to 5 days).

Also

In all the cases reported to date, results of extensive anatomic, hormonal, neurologic, and psychiatric evaluation have been normal. The women seen by the authors are psychologically healthy and functional individuals. While in some instances the symptoms may be attributable to psychological hypotheses, this in no way confirms a psychological cause of the problem; psychosomatic explanations can be postulated for many complaints in the absence of an unambiguous physical etiology.

It is unknown whether PSAS is a new, as opposed to a newly recognized, entity. This is an important distinction in the search for a cause, because if PSAS is truly a new phenomenon, then modern environmental factors (eg, food additives, infectious agents, tight jeans, long-distance bicycling) deserve special attention. More research is needed to determine whether PSAS tends to occur in special populations (eg, long-distance cyclists, women who engage in many hours of spin classes).

The prevalence of PSAS is unknown, though it may be more common than supposed because many women may be too embarrassed to report the complaint to their physicians. As indicated, the authors have spoken with some affected women who are not troubled by the feelings of spontaneous arousal, except when they persist unabated for weeks. Physician inquiry can be helpful in identifying the prevalence of this phenomenon and validating the patient’s experience as genuine, disturbing, and not “all in her head.�? Such complaints must be taken seriously if physicians are to identify the causes, sustaining factors, and therapies for this perplexing problem.

Finally, a telling quote from the introductory paragraphs

In the majority of cases in which the woman presents in the physician’s office, the feeling of unremitting arousal is experienced as intrusive and unwanted. In some instances, however, the feelings of more or less constant arousal are experienced as pleasurable, if mysterious. In these cases, the woman may not want evaluation or treatment. It is for this reason that the phenomenon may be underreported, even though it is a significant aspect of female sexual response that deserves wider recognition and evaluation.

Ok, so I’m definitely qualified either by training nor by gender to comment on this report, beyond the observation that contemporary sex-positive philosophy boils down to consent and therefore, by extension, if your body feels fiercely horny and you don’t want it to then that’s a problem worth exploring, and the case histories do suggest it was problematic at least for the women who reported it.

Disclaimer: I’m never comfortable with the term syndrome for stuff like this unless there’s a lot more supporting evidence and a clear definition of where the line between ordinary and abnormal should be drawn. That said I Googled further to see if there’s a comparable “syndrome” in men.

There’s not much to speak of. The Boston Medical School’s Institute for Sexual Medicine says

In men, the condition of persistent arousal may be considered as the condition of priapism. Consensed definitions and management strategies exist for men with priapism. There is no parallel consensed definition for women with persistent sexual arousal.

This is more familiar ground for me, and at least judging from Leiblum and Nathan’s original article I’d say it’s not comparable at all. For one thing Priapism is pretty well documented. For another it generally hurts and if not treated pretty quickly it can cause scarring, impotence, and possibly gangrene if not treated quickly. (It’s an involuntary persistant erection, frequently caused by nerve damage, medication, chemotherapy, and Sickle-cell anemia, and if untreated results in pooling and partial coagulation of blood in the penis.)

A better comparison (where “better” is defined loosely) might be Satyriasis which something called MedFriendly.com defines as

Satyriasis is excessive, abnormal, or uncontrollable sexual/romantic behavior, desire, and excitement in the male.

WHAT CAUSES SATYRIASIS?

Satyriasis is believed to be caused by extreme narcissism, which is a state in which one interprets and relates everything to oneself and not to other people or things. Any feelings of inferiority (feeling one is not as good as someone else in something) is controlled by conquering females in a sexual way. Some believe that the cause of satyriasis is biological as opposed to psychological, or even a combination of the two.

After that the searches peter out pretty quickly. A high level of chaff in most of the Google results it irritatingly difficult to find much more to say (except golly, there are a lot of “potency enhancers�? being advertised out there.)

At least (at least so far) medical journals aren’t suggesting that women with PSAS are narcissists attempting to overcome inadequacy through sexual conquest!

On an optimistic note, the authors of Columbia University’s Go Ask Alice information site have a promising reply to a student’s question Am I a nymphomaniac – Is it possible to have too much sex?

A magic number doesn’t answer the question, “How much sex is too much?”, nor does a national average. Religion, culture, family values, and personal feelings and choice help define what each individual considers “enough” or “too much” sex. The question to consider then is: what makes you think your stats are off the charts? You mentioned that you’re beginning to consider too much sex a bad thing. What is bad about it? Is it bad because it’s unhealthy? Because your skin is tender? Because you’re neglecting your school/work? Are you still eating and sleeping? Are you answering the mail and phone? Seeing your friends? Having fun? You need to begin this process by answering these questions, defining what you might consider to be “too much,” and also identifying what’s bad about it.

Unless your sexual behavior is interfering with your daily routine, it is likely that you and your partner have high sex drives and enjoy having sex together during this time period. Once you figure out or feel more comfortable with the frequency of your sex sessions, you and your partner won’t need to take a mini vacation from them…

Thus endeth my ramble through the outside world. At some point I’d still like to find some high-resolution imagery of genital anatomy for DTG. I learned a ton of stuff I didn’t know, and maybe unlearned a few things I thought I understood. Next time I go on a Google escapade I’ll try to keep it a little more focused though. :-)

Table manners

Wed, 2005-05-11 20:10

Flutterby of Kissing in Public has just posted a list of ten critical rules about the clitoris. Considering some of the comments on my recent post about cunnilingus I think it’s a pretty important list:

Read it from the source. Flutterby writes good stuff.

Flutterby’s Guide to Sexually Satisfying Your Sweetheart

In this edition we will learn about the mysterious, lovely clitoris.

1) Now I know you already know this, but I cannot stress enough the importance of warming up your woman before heading for her clit. The clitoris is a highly sensitive bundle of nerves and if you rub it before it’s ready it FUCKING HURTS! Got it? Good. The clit is sensitive and somewhat shy, it needs to be coaxed, and teased.

2) So how do you coax a clit to readiness? The best way to convince a clit to
swell to your loving touch is simple. Don’t touch it at all. Touch everything else, but don’t touch the clit. Kiss her thighs, run your nails across her lower abdomen just above the line where her (perfectly trimmed) pubic hair begins. Lightly stroke your fingers in the crease between her thigh and her cunt. The clit is not only shy, it’s also curious and a little fickle. I guarantee that if the clit gets wind that there is something fun going on and she is not included, she will be begging to join in soon enough.

Okay. So the little nubbin has begun to blush and wishes to be invited to the party. But remember, she’s sensitive, so any sign of an rough play and she will quickly get cross and refuse to play and you’ll have to coax her all over again.

3) Lightness of touch is key when it comes to the clit. Even if your cock is pumping furiously, and your woman is moaning, the clit still needs a gentle stroke. Don’t press too hard, in fact, you hardly need to press at all. This little organ is so sensile that simply manipulating the flesh that covers the clit is incredibly pleasurable if not orgasm inducing.

4) Moving up and down on the clit is not as pleasurable and stroking in a circular motion. This motion can be small, or larger to including the outer labia. Remember that the part of the clit that you can see is only the very tip of the iceberg. The nerves extend all the way up to where the outer lips of your womans beautiful pussy begins.

5) If you divide the clit into four quarters, the upper left quadrant is the most sensitive. That’s the upper right quadrant if you are between her legs and giving her a good licking. Don’t ask me how I know this,I can’t remember where I read it, but it is certainly true for me and for many other women I have spoken too.

6) Instead of using one finger, try using two, or even your whole, flat hand. Focusing the action in the space that only one finger can cover can be too intense, and even painful. In the same vein, use your whole finger instead of just fingertip.

7) HARD and FAST are not the same thing! If your woman says “harder” that doesn’t mean you need to accelerate to the speed of light. Likewise, if she says, “faster”, you should speed up without putting two tons of pressure on her nubbin.

8) Most of these tips apply to giving good oral too. While porn stars usually
stick out their tongues and flick the clit madly, this isn’t usually going to
make your woman have that mind blowing climax. Use your tongue flat as well,
and lick long and slow from her perineum all the way up to where her lips
begin. You can suck her clit gently into your mouth, cover her entire cunt with your mouth if you can and kiss it the same way you would passionately smooch her other lips. Your entire face should be covered in pussy juice by the time you finish. If it’s not, don’t expect that wet and sloppy blow job that you love.

9) Once you find the movement and rhythm that makes her writhe and groan, DON’T STOP. Don’t change rhythm or pace or pressure. If you find the magical combination, keep going until she cums or begs you to stop. Any variation and the entire buildup could be lost.

The last nine tips have been for the men out there, since I assume that lesbians don’t need this kind of advice and are clit savvy. But my last tip is for women, and this may be the most important of all.

10) Tell him what you want, how you want it, where you want it, how fast you want it, and how long you want it for. If you don’t, you have no right to complain.

I think it’s a good idea to think through each item on the list, even if you
think you know them. Comments to my previous post tend to run along the lines of “most guys aren’t that great at it” with a hint that if they didn’t have ulterior motives (expectations of reciprocation) they wouldn’t do it at all.

I think I knew at least six and maybe eight of Flutterby’s tips, and I’ve found
that most but not all apply to almost everyone. Preferences vary, of course,
but that definitely covers the important parts.

Lest I sound smug, by the way, there’s a big difference between knowing those rules and consistently following them, and while I strive to get it right I also fade, falter, get overenthusiastic, make assumptions, get into ruts, etc.

Thus her final rule means a lot too. There’s nothing more demoralizing (for anyone giving oral sex) to learn only later that your partner wasn’t enjoying it but didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

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