Father's Day

The Language of Flowers on Fathers Day

Sun, 2009-06-21 15:15


Photo by Flickr user Martin_Heigan. Used under a Creative Commons license.

Zwicky Arnold of Language Log,in the course of raising a grammatical point about the use of the word “shall,” says

On ADS-L, Fred Shapiro (following up on a lead from Barry Popik) has posted the following antedating of Father’s Day, which the OED currently has from 1943:

1908 Boston Globe 19 May 10 (ProQuest Historical Newspapers)  Why doesn’t somebody suggest the idea of having a “Father’s day,” when everybody in the country shall wear a modest violet in honor of poor Father?

I don’t know why the writer suggested a “modest violet”, but the idea seems never to have caught on. Instead, as the holiday was commercialized, the celebration came to center on giving “poor Father” characteristically “masculine” gifts: tools, gadgets, golf equipment, grilling equipment, supplies for hunting, fishing, and camping, items associated with sports (especially football), stock car racing, and beer drinking, and so on.

He said it here.

Comments on that post are closed, for reasons unclear to me. But I can answer his question. I have no idea how I know this, but some time between the late Victorian era and the late Edwardian there was a sort of pre-internet meme among romantics where symbolic messages were “composed” using the meanings of different flowers arranged in bouquets. And so a moment of Googling revealed that, according to New-Age.co.uk

Violet Violet – faithfulness and modesty – during mediaeval times violets were believed to provide protection from evil spirits, and the leaves were used on wounds as healing plasters. When Napolean Bonaparte married Josephine she was said to have worn violets, and he sent her a bouquet every anniversary. He apparently wore a locket containing violets he had gathered from Josephine’s grave. In medieval times the violet flower was strewn on the floor as an air freshener due to it’s sweet perfume, and a substance called ionine which dulls the sense of smell. This fragrant flower was used as a remedy for insomnia, as an antiseptic and in poultices.

Source: New Age: “Flower language – meanings of flowers – secret messages – history and folklore of flowers”

So 101 years ago a “modest violet in honor of poor father” would probably have made a lot more sense.

Interestingly this would have been towards the end of the “semen conservation” era in Anglo-American tradition where, throughout most of the Victorian era at least, it had been believed that a single male ejaculation was as damaging to male health as the loss of a pint of blood, with the result that all health-conscious men knew — because their doctors told them with full, scientifically backed, peer-review-journalled authority — that “as many as” ten ejaculations a year would lead to inevitable ill health, insanity, and premature death.

That was, of course, impossibly silly: left to one’s own devices a healthy adolescent may be able to ejaculate ten times in a day without much more than perhaps a little soreness and maybe, depending on his recovery rate, a bit of sleep loss. The flip side, of course — that ejaculations are so easily and effortlessly obtained as to render the father’s contribution to reproduction essentially meaningless — is also silly. And not without its consequences.

The faithful and simple “modest violet” father of the 1900s was replaced in mid-century by the “industrious clover” of Willy Loman of Death of a Salesman, who’s role was to make up for the deficit of his seminal “spending” by absenting himself as much as possible and working himself to death in order to “provide for his family.”

What. Ever.

Having only been a father for twelve years since the birth of my first child I can’t say I’m up on all the details. But I do know there’s more to it than either the fanciful loss of “precious bodily fluids” or the equal folly of backbreaking absence.

Instead, off the top of my head it’s all about Acorn, Allspice, Ambrosia, Anemone, Angelica, Aniseed, Azalea, Basil, Bay Leaf, Bird of Paradise, Bittersweet, Bluebell, Borage, Burnet, Buttercup, Cactus, Calendula, Carnellia, Carnations (pink, red, white), Cattail, Chamomile, Chrysanthemum, Crosus, Daffodil, Dandelion, Eucalyptus, Fern, Feverfew, Fir, Flax, Forget-me-not, Forsythia, Garland of roses, Garlic, Gladiolus, Grass, Heather, Holly, Honeysuckle, Hyacinth blue and white, Iris, Ivy, Jonquil, Juniper, Lavender, Lemon, Lemon Balm, Calia lily, Lily of the valley, Magnolia, Marigold, Mint, Marjoram, Mistletoe, Myrtle, Orange, Cattleya orchid, Pansy, Pine, Poppies red and white, Primrose, many but not all Roses, Rose leaf, Rosemary, Sage, Salvia, Strawberry, Sunflower, Sweetpea, Thyme, Tulips, Woodruf, Yarrow, and at least so far, Zinnias magenta, scarlet, white, and yellow. All that and violets and clover and you’re starting to get what an astonishing, only-a-child-would-gather-such-chaos-and-recognize-its-beauty bouquet it is to be a dad. If you let it.

Because Now Men Are So Superior We Can't Concentrate Either! :-)

Mon, 2008-06-16 22:15

Hugo Schwyzer, feminist, takes to task Kathleen Parker, anti-feminist.

“Boys and girls are hard-wired differently, which one notices as soon as the little critters become mobile. Although there are exceptions, girls can sit and focus for long periods and boys need to move around more. In fact, brain research shows that multitasking stimulates the pleasure center of women’s brains, hence 42 years of NOW. The men’s movement has been in gestation for 15 years and hasn’t begun to quicken yet. Ultimately, letting men be men means not insisting that they be our best girlfriends.”

I wonder how Kathleen Parker explains the feats of memory undertaken by Torah students for three millennia, who do relatively little moving around and learn with dutiful exactness? Or how the Chinese civil service survived nearly as long with a nearly all-male membership, made up of fellows who spent hours not only committing the law to memory, but learning how to shape complex characters? How could they have done these things, when it is so “natural” for boys and men to be easily distracted and in need of constant physical exertion?

Read the quote in context here.

Actually I think the men’s movement has had a hard time getting off the ground because we’ve been fiddling with a variety of unproductive or counterproductive goals and hampered a great deal by the “worthiness trap” dilemma of thinking we can only “get it” when approve. And possibly “reward” us with sex. Which is almost exactly the opposite of what I’m pretty sure we need to be doing. Which would have a lot to do with getting over the whole alienated conceit that sex is a reward, a counter, a sign of approval, or “getting lucky” or a ‘score” for anything and, instead, recognizing that it’s just something our partners want to do because they enjoy it too.

Remember, “entitlement” is nothing but an uncorroborated belief that you’ve done something that, in your opinion, warrants someone else “rewarding” you for it.)

The hoot about the interview Schwyzer quotes, by the way, is that it comes from a Father’s Day post by the equally extreme right-wing blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez on the National Review Online interview. The lead paragraph?

It’s Father’s Day this weekend, in a land where men are underappreciated, disrespected, and under attack. Kathleen Parker is here to save them, with her cultural wakeup call, Save the Males: Why Men Matter. Why Women Should Care. She recently took questions on her new book from NRO editor Kathryn Jean Lopez.

Source: I don’t like linking to those people.

So us master-gender men “hard wired” to be impulsive thugs? And anti-feminists are supposed to be on our side? Sheah, right. Save the males indeed!

Such That Father's Day Might Actually Mean Something

Mon, 2008-06-16 17:38


Photo by Flickr user ZR. Used under a Creative Commons license.

In a post titled “Better Fathers: Courtesy of the Sexual Revolution” Cristina Page of RHRealityCheck.org reinforces another excellent point the Souther Baptist Convention (scroll way down) get exactly backwards.

Little attention has been paid to the impact that women’s liberation has had on men. The unacknowledged truth is that men have been transformed too. Today, men have more freedom, flexibility and choices — in the most meaningful ways. A University of Michigan study found that children’s time with their fathers increased significantly only in families in which the mother worked out side the home. As researchers of the Families and Work Institute summed up, “There are many other indications that the workforce has become more family-friendly — especially the fact that American fathers are spending more time with their children than fathers did a generation ago.”

...

Today, as a result of not having to shoulder all the economic demands of the family, and by having smaller families, men have been allowed to become more involved fathers — better fathers — than ever before. And they seem to like being fathers. Eighty-five percent of dads say they get more joy out of fatherhood than their own fathers did.

...

Dads today are more affectionate with their children: 60 percent hug their school age kids every day, and 79% tell their children they love them several times a week. “This is welcome news because it benefits the child,” says Jaipaul L. Roopnarine, a professor of child studies at Syracuse University who has researched cross-cultural fathering for more than two decades. “Children whose fathers are involved with them show better education achievement, fewer problems in school, and they’re better off socially.”

...

The [Spike TV pollsters] explain, “There’s been a paradigm shift. Men want involvement with kids. Even with infants, they get up at night. It was NEVER like this before. They’re taking parenting seriously. New responsibilities with kids and in homes are enriching men’s lives. They’re excited by it and proud.”

So much for the break up of the family caused by women’s emerging roles, the sexual revolution, and the birth control pill — family is more desired, and enjoyed, than ever before. With women sharing a larger stake in providing economically for the family, men have stepped up their investment in nurturing.

Read the quote in context here.

Is everything hunky-dory? Hell no. Just yesterday morning out for a Father’s Day breakfast at a great dim sum restaurant on the generally culturally more conservative Eastside there was a mom rather frantically juggling three under-school-aged children while her extra-from-The-Office partner sat there looking uselessly bewildered and embarrassed. (There’s a neat trick for coping with two restless children while, say, a partner manages the wailing three-month-old. It’s not even remotely difficult. It does actually have to even remotely occur to you that you might try it.) But here’s the other trick: in that large room full of Father’s Day celebrants the sans-clue dood stood out.

[The odd thing? Judging from social cues there’s an appreciably (but not certain) chance that the mom was a “mail order” bride, a form of human trafficking that, perhaps not coincidentally doesn’t count to those pesky Southern Baptists and their cohorts. —fl]

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