gender relations

Pondering the Female Equivalent of NiceGuy™

Wed, 2008-12-31 11:21


Photo by Flickr user BostonBill. Used under a Creative Commons license.

Via Bad Man’sTumbler post about a get-a-clue-NiceGuy™ rant I just (finally?) stumbled across Heartless Bitches International. I haven’t read enough of to endorse it out of hand but it looks pretty interesting.

From their intro page

Despite the statements of some of our more Bitter Heartless Bitches, Heartless Bitches International is NOT about Man-Hating. We don’t discriminate against stupidity, arrogance, irresponsibility, bloated egos, or immaturity on the basis of gender.

Has HBI got you all hot under the collar? Before you run off in a snit, ready to send email detailing the extent of your ire, look up the words “irony”, “satire” and “caricature” in the dictionary..

Which is a long way of getting around to a question that kept popping into my brain during my mostly-delightful, snow-induced hiatus:

You know that old “male bashing” line “If we can send one man to the moon, why can’t we send them all?” It’s usually associated with feminism but… I dunno… the more I think about it the more it seems like the kind of “Sex in the City” style anti-feminism that masks passive-aggressive resignation behind “perkiness.”

Recasting Romance Narratives as Historical Reproductions

Sat, 2008-11-01 21:07


Photo “Arnolfini Marriage by Jan van Eyck, 1434” by Flickr user geekulr.
Used under a Creative Commons license.

Twisty Faster of I Blame The Patriarchy says

I did watch a few minutes of an old movie on TCM last night, though, and was repelled enough by its Yay Patriarchyness to embark on a series of contemplations on how Western literature would scarcely exist if plots did not so consistently revolve around the purity of the female lead’s vagina, puritanical conceits concerning marriage and divorce, and whose-baby-is-it. Seriously, if you take away bastards, fallen women, and dominion-over-the-uterus as plot devices, nearly the whole canon instantly evaporates. I honestly don’t know how TCM broadcasts this crap with a straight face. “The story of a man who lived a man’s life, the story of a woman who believed in one man.”

She said it here.

Good call.

You know that blogospheric aphorism that insanity is defined as repeatedly trying the same thing expecting a different outcome? Contemplating Twisty’s observation I’m left wondering if the endless repetition she mentions has a similar basis. I mean… sure, if the dominant culture was still a semi-nomadic one that considered women a) one more form of domestic animal that b) nevertheless produced male offspring for men to bequeath their assets to then maybe we could tell the story once and make it stick. Instead we keep trying to watch, or read, listen to, or even re-enact those narratives and…

It’s not really relevant any more — no more than fathers “giving away” their daughters at their weddings.

And by the way, what would bequeath left after evaporating that bulk of the canon there’s still plenty of room for romance, adventure, lust, discovery, betrayal, achievement, loss, joy, and tragedy. In other words it needn’t be reduced to variations on the Travel Channel. Because at this point who one has or hasn’t slept with in the past is, or should be, as relevant to romance as whether they have a dowry, can churn butter, rope a calf, or sharpen a quill pen.

Almost completely-random aside: Speaking of churning butter I made some for the first time last weekend. It’s astonishingly easy. For the record (should I be posting this on Recipe Tuesday?) two pints of heavy whipping cream makes almost exactly one pound of the best-tasting, authentically rich golden-yellow butter I’ve ever eaten. It takes maybe 20 minutes with an electric mixer. I mention this now because with the holidays upon us you can expect to see whipping cream on sale from time to time, and while it’s probably not cost effective to make all your butter yourself it could be a real eye-opener for a holiday dinner, breakfast, or brunch.

The "no-sex" class and "feminazis"

Thu, 2007-09-06 21:13

Ever wonder why so many guys seem to react to feminism not just with anger but with fear or dread? It’s because we’ve wrapped ourselves so tightly within the “no-sex” class paradigm that we simply can’t uncouple the suspicion that “equal rights for women” will somehow mean “less or no sex.” And for men, who inside the paradigm are the sex class, that’s anathema because without sex we think we’d have no standing whatsoever. (‘Member Freud’s theory that all other ambitions are sublimations for sex? That’s what I’m talking about.)

Anyway such fears are all based on our/men’s insane assumption that left to their own devices healthy, happy heterosexual women would never want to have sex.

This plays in with the overwhelmingly contradicted-by-reality notion that feminists are men-hating, hairy-legged, wool-socks-and-Birkenstocks-wearing lesbian separatists. (Since by definition separatists and lesbians aren’t interested in sex with men, then inside the paradigm they have to be the model for all feminists. Note also that the pervasiveness of this fixation leads women who might otherwise identify as complete feminists to issue the otherwise unnecessary disclaimer “I’m not a feminist but…”)

Now I’m not saying that the key to men’s acceptance of feminism depends on us ditching the “no-sex” class paradigm like the big-shoe, orange-hair, rubber-nose clown suit it is, because in addition to issues related to sexual self-determination there are still unpleasant amounts of gender-related property, uncompensated-labor, and division-of-labor issues to contend with. (I’ve really drunk Shulamith Firestone’s kool-aid in this area.) But I am saying that if we can get that fool notion out of our head that women, like livestock property, have to be tamed or “saddle-broken” or otherwise managed and domesticated before they’ll “give” us what we (think) we want to “get” from them… then while we might grumble a little about other necessary and completely reasonable adjustments we won’t be quite so flipping panicked about the prospect of feminism as a concept.

I just wish one could wave a magic wand and make it all go away. But if all it took was hetero feminists saying “hey, we like sex” then it would already have worked! So I think the only way out is under our own power — and really, since the current situation makes us nearly as miserable, and every bit as frustrated, fearful, and angry as our partners, then when it comes to this dominant paradigm we’re going to be pretty motivated to head for the exits as soon as we can see a clear path to them.

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